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I very near and dear friend's adult child is struggling with addiction and has been for a while. AC at home for now and there is an intervention being staged, don't know how that's going to workout I just pray that my friend is able to let go and let God with the situation and she's willing to accept if her AC is not willing to get help.
It's been a very messy 4 years and my friend attends alanon (I will admit I pushed hard on that seeing how it was affecting her health and other relationships), the struggle to let go is so real .. I'm trying to keep my thoughts to myself and pray. Pray her AC is ready for help. It will stick and not only HP knows.
TIA - S
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
It is my personal opinion that it is the hardest to detach and "Let Go" when the affected is the child. As parent's we spend a good portion of our lives nurturing and caring for our offspring, both hoping for, and dreading the day that they flex their wings and fly forth into the world. It is a challenge in the best of circumstances to adjust our thinking and behaviors to allow our kids the gift of being their own person. Throw in addiction and a active program is definitely needed - I am happy to hear that she attends Al-Anon.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
PNP .. I totally agree it's always different when it's your kid .. it's hard watching the heart outside your body treat themselves with so little care and not have the ability to take the pain away. I only know my limited experience of what I went through with my oldest and it was enough to know it's not a repeat performance I would wish on anyone. My friends health has deteriorated because they are so worried about AC they are neglecting themselves and it's awful to witness. It was a health scare that has really jarred them and the letting go has been a 4 year process. My heart just aches because it really is just so different. My X I could divorce and just leave him to deal with his own consequences .. my kid/s not that simple and cut dry.
The AC in this situation is hallucinating and all kinds of crazy, they have deemed themselves royalty who can do whatever they want in their kingdom. It's really bad. I have read some stories about this kind of poisoning, however to know someone who is going through it .. totally heart breaking.
Hugs ..
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sending many prayers S for all involved. Speaking from experience, watching your own flesh and blood self-destruct through addiction and/or mental health issues is a pain for which there really are no words. May all find strength and peace as they forge forward!
-- Edited by Iamhere on Friday 27th of September 2019 09:51:25 AM
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
IAM, .. I wish she would go to an alanon meeting we text today and she's in so much pain :( This has been a lesson for me as well .. how to keep my big mouth shut. I'm really having a difficult time at the moment just trying not to add my 2 cents and she so doesn't need that from me let alone anyone else. Got me to thinking about the kids and their dad .. ugh .. I'm going to have to change the things I can and trust my kid/s know when enough is enough.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
You're a good friend S and not advising, judging, distancing, etc. will be very helpful to her as she processes. I can tell you that I literally tried everything/anything humanly possible before I admitted complete defeat and surrendered....it was a process, a journey and no suggestions from others really helped because I just kept thinking I could change things/them/disease....it's very hard to describe the lengths a parent goes through in their heart and mind when a child is addicted, in my experience, it was so much harder to accept than my AH or other's I love.
My best suggestions for you are to just keep showing up and 'act as if' she's already in recovery (early). Remind her one day at a time, just breathe, self-care, etc. I remember the first time I called the police and jail was the result. I felt like a horrible mother, horrible person, the root of all evil, etc. Several years later, I found myself extremely grateful and @ peace with the jail stays as I knew where they were and that they were safe. If possible, do remind her that an active user will NOT see 'his mother' if rage arrives. One of mine came at me and I could literally see the crazy in the eyes. I was so very grateful to have had experience as a drug user and exposure to the disease when that happened - one who did not would try to reason with the child and the outcome is a huge unknown.
As far as the Intervention goes, even when one declines help, I try not to see it as a failure. The seeds are planted and often boundaries are formally shared. Prayers will continue here for all.....if she's not willing/able to accept an Al-Anon meeting, perhaps there are other support groups for parents of addicts that might be a better fit. I have a cousin who could not relate to Al-Anon but did find help/support in another group here. Just offering that as another option/idea. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
