The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
But feelings are not facts. I feel like that for this hour. For this evening. Logically I see that this is not so. Realistically I just see more work piling up for me to plow through and I get so overwhelmed at the thought of it. My go to response for many years In the face of overwhelming-ness (lol excuse the made up word) is to sabotage by freezing procrastinating and internally melting down, silently. But I'm so grateful to have this program where I've learned to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Right now I keep wanting to burst into tears. I have a major case which I've worked so so hard on coming to court in two weeks. I'm a long way from qualified and this is a customary matter of sorts. The end stage goal is to prep the information to submit for judgement and I am terrified, excited, more terrified and looking forward to getting it out of the way. I see the hand of my hp along the way and that's exactly where I need to rest right now. Assignment due today hasn't been looked at let alone started. Whopping legal bill for work poorly performed arrived today which is in the to do pile in terms of disputing the bill, which can't yet be disputed because it will give away the end game. Incompetence at 400 an hour? Lol. Ditzy is a routine I pull to suit me not you. My kids are so loud lately! That's grating as I trawl through case law. And still I'm not sure if the path I've been persuing for two straight days is even right or if I'm misunderstanding the fundamentals of that particular area of law to arrive at my conclusion. Ok. I needed to get that out. The sun will come out tomorrow, right? Xo
Oh I don't know David....there's something about little orphan Annie and her eternal optimism in the face of bleak poverty and misery that I can deeply relate to lol! I don't know if that's a form of denial. It could be. Generally I pep up and can Outlast circumstances as long as I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Eye on the prize etc etc. All of the present is irrelevant because it's just for now. Tomorrow the sun will come out! I threw the metaphorical baby out with the bathewater today in a personal sense which was stupid of me. And sent a snippy email to the admin of my uni which was undoubtedly stupid of me. I'm quite possibly in stealth sabotage mode. I better snap out of it quickly. Thank you for not passing on this one. I appreciate it and having a human being to talk with. Ka kite for now.
((A41) HP gave me the courage to keep showing up at times when my feelings were as you are experiencing. i would sing the song "You have got to have Hope" to myself and pray as I put one foot in front of another. the money and bills just seemed to work out so please keep using your tools
I found I learned a great deal about myself during the "Hard times; you will too
Breathe.
Breathe in through the nose to the count of 4, breathe out of mouth to the count of 4, engaging the lower abdomen with the breath.
It has actually been scientifically proven to help!
I just wanted to say, "I hear ya!" too, and I truly can't imagine the strain you are under!
My song was always The Beatles, "Getting Better."
"I've got to admit it's getting better (Better)
A little better all the time (It can't get no worse)
I have to admit it's getting better (Better)
It's getting better"
Of course, me being well, ME, my favorite part is the juxtaposition of Paul's happy/peppy lyrics with John's thrown in "It can't get no worse." This is Me to a Tee! LOL!
Sending you some vibes of clarity~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
a4l-Another song comes to mind, Mama said there'd be days like this....and of course, there always are stressful, trying, overwhelming times, and my coping ability is better at some moments and at others, not so great! Don't forget ODAT, OHAT, and/or OMAT. I can always get through a minute. Add a side of those breathing exercises, and don't forget your favorite slogans. You can do this! Lyne
I'm not sure this will help, however here's the good news .. this too shall pass and yes .. it is overwhelming and so much is overwhelming with life in general especially if you are the partner who needs to hold it together. The one phrase I get tired of hearing or "feeling" is you'll figure it out .. sometimes my "you'll figure it out" button is just flat busted .. I am over figuring it out .. every.singel.time. I'm fully ready for the "easy button".
The bigger thing here is regardless of how dysfunctional a relationship is/was .. it's hard to have a final stamp by the courts of it's over. There's a lot that is triggering about that, again .. this too shall pass .. possibly like a kidney stone for a time .. eventually there will come to pass a time where something might bring a smile to your face .. a story or maybe it's something your kids will do. Mine usually involve my X winding up in some ridiculous situation .. lol .. unfortunately that was some of the truth to my own situation .. it won't be so jarring.
I have had many friends get divorced and at first during the separation they are so gleeful and I caution them .. be where you are now because at some point the reality of it's over will hit and there will be tears. You will need to remember feeling good because it will push you through until the next good min, hour, day .. lol. I have had many of those over the 3 year period to end my marriage. Your feelings right now are perfectly the norm in an unreasonable situation .. and I find divorce is unreasonable and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy .. it's difficult to end something even if it was bad more than not. It feels like a failure, it feels as if I did something wrong, maybe I wasn't lovable enough and those are my tapes that play when something ends like that.
Hang on and just keep moving forward .. because this too shall pass and the other side is pretty awesome. :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sis just only one of the characters for me when I am in a mix like you are now is FEAR...False Evidence Appearing Real. All of that confusion and agitation often is false evidence which causes me to make things worse. I love our slogan...Progress not Perfection...Have I made progress...am I making progress? Good enuf lets see how it comes out and leave my EGO (Easing God Out) out of it. You sound dedicated...good for your client. (((hugs)))
(((a4l))) - I appreciate your honest share and also the ESH you've gotten. I too can relate and there is something in me (my mind) that leans towards magnifying all things when I am in FEAR! I am big on breathing to start my 'regroup'. It does seem to bring just enough calm for me to consider the present moment, tools available and what might be the next right thing. I am always about Pausing, Praying and then Proceeding.
The way I see it, from the outside looking in....you appear to really have a ton on your plate. I recall a moment in my life when I was working FT, raising 2 Kids with not just an AH but one who traveled 75% for his job while also finishing my master's degree....I look back now and it scares the heck out of me! The only way I survived it (and not sure how but did) was one day at a time, one moment at a time. It was overwhelming at times (many) and I was far from graceful yet I did manage to come through the other side. You will too - you've got a great head on your shoulders, a great program in your belly and the willingness - the winning combination.
Serenity's correct - this too shall pass in time. I feel deep down that you got this - yet I'm sending peaceful thoughts and prayers your way, just for today!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
A41... kia ora... ... we have exchanged kindnesses before... which creates a steadying. I can sense when am entering the -self-sabotage- zone. Another straw on the camels back and I might throw caution to the winds... ... I think my favourite you-tube clip is one of Shirley Temple, singing animal crackers. There is a slightly longer clip there which shows the actual dynamics. I found that revealing!
But hey! We all know the ropes- we have the tools, and sources in our Alanon literature... ...and we do have each other- in the rooms. All together, which is a saving grace.
We have a spring day dawning here. This week, in sharing I talked about my old sponsor. I was down at the hall last night- and got to sit beside her! We had a nice catch-up!
In the bad old days I just prayed that something was going to stare out of the gloom- and offer me an answer.
At this stage we are expected to have these answers! ... this are really very simple things. I hear you... we are part of a group of friendly people who will try and watch your back-until you manage to hold your own... mixed metaphors, I am sure... but hey! ...
I'm grateful for your post and the shares! It's normal to have fears in response to the situation and I have come to learn it's what we do with it that counts.
In addition to the other's posts, I do my best to slow down... slow my thoughts which taps pause on reacting. To slow down, I ask myself a lot of questions about the fears. I find this helps me shift the focus as does a f2f, the serenity prayer, and prayer.
Attorneys are incredibly expensive. I had one offer me a consult recently and they were just going to write me a letter
I passed on that opportunity!
Many of us have been through divorces and it is a searing experience
I am bogged down in my own difficulties with a now former employer (they didn't pay me my Final check)
I have a big TO DO list and I am also of course hustling for air too.
For ne the signs of being irritated are a cue I am tired and need self care
Of course with a big to do list it is hard to worn out what is priority
Be kind to yourself
That is where detachment is a good tool what would you urge for someone to do in your shoes. I am sure it would be to pace it out
Pacing is so important to me. I do not want to be in those p li races of exhaustion I got yo with the now ex A
I still have the kn legal issue I have been addressing for over a year
I am committed to dealing with it but not by bankruptcy.
...
& 
... we have exchanged kindnesses before... which creates a steadying. 
... this are really very simple things. I hear you... we are part of a group of friendly people who will try and watch your back-until you manage to hold your own... mixed metaphors, I am sure... but hey!