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Just a Note to Let ya's know I'm Still Kicking, Still Sober (8yrs 10 Months, & 16days to be exact :D), and Still Working my Program the Best I Can... One Day at a Time :)
Many Wonderful and Not So Wonderful things have happened for me this Year, and Some in the Eyes of Addiction and Some Not so Much... I Went and Read over my Last Share, and Find Many Months Later I'm still Struggling with some of those things, but some I have Gracefully handed to HP, and So Far So Good, Haven't Stole them Back YET
My Life took on the "Busy" Course, You know (Get Busy & You Get Better) and Now I'm Trying to maintain an Active Life, while Trying to Learn What I Need, and What I Want are Not always the same things...lol Because Most Days I WANT to Try and Do anything and Everything New... and Well at the Pace I'm Going, (Tho having a good time in the process) I think My Body is About to Kill me :/
Some Highlights ;) I Have a Young Lady (14) Being raised by her Daddy, (Who just happens to be one of My Best Friends) and her Mom is an Addict, so I have Taking on the Roll of Spending Time with her a Couple times a Month, and we have been doing this since Last Feb... Mostly we Just Go Roller Skating & Out to Eat, (The Roller Skating is Great Exercise for Me, but BOY do I Feel Old out there!)lol but it Gives her a Chance to talk to a Woman and Sometimes Help Dad realize he just can't give her EVERYTHING she Needs... But... In the Miracle of all this... Over the Last Month Her MOM, has Taking Baby Steps to getting her Life back together, and is making NOW An Effort to spend time with her Daughter, which I think is just Amazing... And I'm So Happy for them :)
I Still Sit with My "NOW" 95 yr old Gram who I am So Grateful is Still Here... She has Had Some Hurdles, but Thankfully, I Can Still Make her Smile Weekly and that to Me is So Important... I have Taken on Acceptance when it comes to what I was "Expecting" from the rest of her Family and what was Real... I've Learned that I Can't Control them or this Disease, but I Can Love her and Make sure she is Safe, and Knows Love whether they show up or Not
Also I'm taking on Once a Week, Taking my Blind 89yr old Program Friend to do her Marketing, and Banking, and what ever else her Sweet Face can talk me into... Its Nice because it like having an Extra Meeting a Week, when we are together, she has been in the program for over 35yrs, and she Talks the Talk and Walks the Walk... :) And Straightens Me Up with I Need it ;)
Something I'm PROUD to Say I've done for myself... :) I Have Taken ONE Day a Week, that is ALL About ME :) On Wens. Normally after Work, I Take to the Mountains in my Jeep, and I Just Drive around listen for HP to Direct my Path, I've seen some Very Beautiful places I've Never Been Yet Not Far AT ALL from my Home, but I Never Gave myself Permission to go to them, I Love Covered Bridges and Waterfalls, and this past Wens, Found myself sitting at a Covered Bridge, Right Smack dap in the middle of the Waterfall... I Sat there for Over an Hour, and it was the Most Peaceful place on earth, Even if all I heard was Falling water
Also in Working to See if My Husband and I will With Stand Another Year of Marriage, I Found the Courage to Speak my Truth, and Tell him what I Would and Would Not Live with Anymore when it came to him and I... He has Made Great Strides to try and Correct his Negativity and also Spend "Quality" Time with me instead of Just Negative Work Junk.. We even after 23yrs Now have a Date Night Every Week! So Things are Happening, I Still don't know where we will be in the Coming Months or Years, but then again, I'm Not HP... So For Now, I'm at Least Swimming Above water for a bit...
There is So Much More, But I Know I Don't know how to Make a "Short" Post ;) Just know I'm still Here, and SO Very Grateful to know you all are as Well... and I Can't Wait to Meet the Newbies that Keep Coming back...
Glad to hear things are moving your HP's direction for you that's amazing. Change is always hard and good for you for changing what you can and accepting the rest.
I think I just really came to the point in my relationship where I knew nothing was going to change .. and I remember someone here saying if you knew now that nothing was going to change .. the drinker was going to drink and act out the way the disease acts out .. can you be ok in that space and continue to take care of you love the A enough to let them be where they are and seriously just be ok. I realize I have totally paraphrased that statement .. LOL .. however the reality is am I ok if my relationship never changes and is it enough for me .. I was not I think that applies to all relationships .. if there's no open communication no willingness to hear the other person it becomes to one sided, and that's an opinion. I really needed something more and it wasn't with my X. I think it's important to ask those kinds of hard questions in a relationship because sometimes the change that needs to happen is really me.
Anyway, glad you are back and there is so much positive going on that's a good thing!!!
S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((Jozie)) I certainly have missed your positive updates. Glad to see that you are showing up, using your tools and enriching the world.. Congrats on your long term sobriety .
(((Jozie))) - you have been missed - so, so, so good to see you! Love your update and congrats. on your sobriety, your weekly 'me' days and your local field trips....your post reminds me how grand things truly are when we lean in and trust HP!
Love that you've also shared your truth with your AH. It's so funny how life works - I too never know what tomorrow will bring but also did that not too long ago. We too have a date 'day' and bless his heart, he is golfing with me once a week....it takes 3 shots for me to reach his drive, so I know he's practicing patience, tolerance, etc.
Keep doing you, keep blessing others with your kindness, service and caring! I really have missed you greatly - keep stopping by when you can! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Jozie Thanks for the pictures...I get it and at the moment is it pouring outside and I see the roof of the bridge over my head with the rain rushing over and down to the stream. Wow!! Yes you have to paint me a picture . please. ((((Hugs))))
Love the update, Jozie! I like that you have carved out your "Me" time, and what beautiful imagery! Thank you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Welcome back Jozie! Congratulations on your continued sobriety and program work. Thank you for the powerful and inspiring share. I'm struggling with life's uncertainty and taking things one hour at a time... it feels good to be supported in the fellowship and know I am not alone.
And I Can Completely See where you are coming from with your Ex... With Me & Mine, it really wasn't about his drinking as much as His Negative attitude about EVERYTHING... We Run our Own Business for over 2 decades the only thing he could focus on was Work... I Learned Years ago, if I Don't shut it off at Closing time, I Will Lose my Mind... He doesn't have that Skill... So Every thing revolved around "His" Work load, yet he always made the rest of us feel like he was the Only one putting time in, Until I Recently decided it was time to Make waves, because I've had Enough... And I'm Glad I did, he has Made "Some" Pretty Positive Changes as Have I, it no where near Perfect, but has indeed bought some time... He has Come to realize that I have NO Issues with Leaving, ALL of it, Business, House, ALL Of it... And In Realizing that, he has made more effort, So I'm Grateful I Spoke/Screamed my Truth till he heard it...
Tho Being in My Own Disease, I am Always Ready for that Other Shoe to Drop... So My Expectations are Indeed In Check, and Ready for Take off at any moment... Because I Now Know... I Deserve better then what I was Receiving these last 20+ Years, and I'm No Longer Settling for anything else... :)
I Am Indeed in God's Country, and I Wouldn't want to be Anywhere else ;) I've Been a Mountains & River girl all my Life... Its the Only place I Seem to find the Peace I need to get where HP Wants me to be... Its Amazing what a Jeep Ride on a Back Road, Listening to my Favorite tune, and Just Whipping on Roads I've Never Been on to see what's there.. :)
Thank you for being Here, and So Grateful to have ya ;)
I Sure don't have it all figured out, but am So Proud to finally allow myself the Space I Need to Clear my head of week, and Just BE... I was Always a Pickup kinda Girl, and this past Jan. I Decided it was time to down size to a Jeep, My Boy is Grown, and on his Own... and Its Just me & the Husband, so My Little 2 door Jeep Loves Cruising the Mountains, and I Love how it handles, and it just a Joy to Drive... So for what ever reason, right after I Purchased it, I Decided that wasn't the only change I Needed in my Life ;) HP Brought me thru with Flying Colors...
So Glad you too are Getting Date Nights and Gulf Days ;) My Gram who is 95 Now still talks about her Days behind a Golf Club...She is 5foot Nothing, but Loved to Golf... I Never really took to it, as I was More on the Rebel side of things...lol but Boy she lights up when she talks of the old days :)
I'm Doing the best I Can currently for me that's Enough for Now ;) Progress not Perfection Right? :D
Oh Brother How I have Missed your Positive-ness :D The Spot that I go too, I have went to For Most of My Life, its in the Mountains and Not many know or go to this heavenly little spot, but I So Enjoy Every moment I Get there... I've always been attracted to the old Covered Bridges, but this one also has a Waterfall, and Such Beautiful Trees surrounding it... Its Truly like Heaven on Earth :)
That is One thing MIP Taught me Before I Could Even Learn to Walk in this Program... We are NEVER Alone... And I'm So Grateful to see you still here, after My Long Absents...I Sure know what its Like trying to make it "One Moment at a Time" and Because of that, I have Learned and Leaned even Hard on HP in those Times... I've Learned Sometimes I have to just Throw my Hands in the Air and Say "It's No Longer Mine... It's All you HP!" and I have Survived Everyone of those moments to date :)
Thinking of you In My Prayers, and hoping soon the Light will return and Give you everything you Need to Feel at Peace Once more...
(((((((((((((((((((Jozie))))))))))))))))))))) what a sweetie pie you are taking care of that 14 year old..Not surprised..you are a bundle of love.....so glad to see you posting and updating us all...Amazing job on your program and BIG congrats on your sobriety.....LOVE it BIG hugs
Jozie - great, great peaceful lovely photos! Thanks for sharing (I know my brother Jerry won't mind me sneaking a peak)! Keep doing you girl - it's working so well and so agree --- progress always, perfection is over-rated! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
She is Quite a Delight to Me as I am Her, I think I Mentioned here before that Her Dad has been Battling Cancer since July 2018, and So FAR... He's Winning tho not out of the woods Yet, So With a 14yr old, and trying to Raise her on his Own, it was Easy to see where HP Wanted me to be :) Her & I have some Really Great Talks about Life, and Addictions, and Making Good Choices, and Her Grandma tells me all the time how she looks forward to our time together... And So Do I :) I've Never Had a Daughter, but Definitely helped Raise a Few...And I Can Relate to ALOT of what she is going thru, because I too had 14 had an Alcoholic/Addict Father... So I Believe it is just as Healing for Me as it is her, and I'm Grateful I can be "that" Gal :)
And Thank you for your Always Kind Words :) Glad to see you Still here as well Ms. Rosie... You are Quite a Blessing, and I know HP is Just Closing one door for you to Whip another Wide Open :)
LOVE the photos - thanks so much for sharing them!
Yessss.... it' s usually only when my strong death grip gives way that I let my HP take it from me (why do so many things feel like it's the last piece of chocolate??!) ... working on this
((((Jozie))) that young lady is so lucky to have you...Honestly, since I've known you , you have been a bundle of light for the lucky folks around you....I am so glad we "bumped into" one another again, here...I am not on much, but I look forward to seeing you post...always positive and uplifting no matter whats goin on in your life......and OMG..I am READY for that other door to open, LOL...so far, I am hanging in there...i'm ok...been paying the bills and eating, LOL, just grateful that I did a lot to the house WHILE i was still working and did stuff to the car...its still relatively new, but I updated it just the same...I've got great clothes, cute furniture...much to be grateful for, because now, during this inbetween/sitting in the hallway time, I have to watch it....Been doing a lot of meditations, etc., letting go...detaching....its hard, and I get my 'bad days" but I just have to trust that the universe has "got me covered"
