(((S))) - I have been reminded over and over again in my journey that actions always do speak louder than words. My safest, sanest approach in dealing with others in active disease is to just use the tools we get in recovery as best I can. I see/hear you doing the same! Keep doing 'you' - detaching, low expectations, boundaries, etc. I think it's wise that you not count on his share, fair or not, as it's not guaranteed...that applies with/without the disease but more so with the disease.

You and your clan have been in my thoughts/prayers and will continue to be! (((Hugs)))

I really admire your "Mom" skills! That one sentence you told your eldest not only explained the current situation, but said volumes more!
Yes, this is Krazy, with a capital "K!"

You, however, are doing just fine staying off the crazy train! Well done.

&

OMGOSH .. I had the biggest lightbulb come on last night. Ironically and sadly one of my good friends who has had challenges with alcohol over the past few years reached out to me, a family member had a stroke and she was very agitated by it. The family member was disoriented and confused by what had taken place and already had what I call challenges with the truth. The stroke did damage to the left side of the brain, and that's where it hit me. I did get her calm and pointed out the family member is not operating with a full deck right now and may never. Everything at the moment is an emotional reaction which is going to be irritability. My friend just needs to be there and let her FM do what they need to do because this may who stays for now it is what it is. Thankfully my friend is in program and doing very well. Reached out to me because I am safe in terms of I'm not in the family circle and nothing will go back. I also suggested they reach out to their sponsor because this is upsetting and unsettling to say the very least.

Anyway, light bulb moment was in talking to my friend I had a picture of my X flash through my mind and the craziness I have been dealing with .. 2 things I'm sure of the stroke has impacted him further on his ability to operate outside of his box. He seriously can handle basics outside of that .. can't do it. This just is validation and confirmation he's not going to be able to deal with our oldest kiddos situation and he doesn't want to be a part of it. Hence the whole crazy talk about visiting and then then the whole mini explosion over money. Kids and money .. hot topics .. dude would be sooooo easy to wind up at this point and he's soooo lucky I am in program.

I did not do anything wrong in asking him about his plan for money .. 1. I knew nothing about the current knee being blown out. 2. I asked a very reasonable question and got a highly unreasonable response. IAM .. you are so right about the whole issue of he should pay it and it's very hard to let go of that because having to do both and consistently figure things out is exhausting. I am in the throws of trying to figure things out with my youngest wanting to drive and trying to figure out how to get him insurance as well as what to drive. My car is out at the moment.

The response I got was dictated or was directly from the wife .. my X doesn't list amounts or times things will be paid .. he doesn't operate in a transparent (HA HA .. that's ironic) manner. Dates, times and amounts are not him that's just a given. ESPECIALLY after that last response I got from him, he needs a fight .. he needs to make this my fault and this has everything to do with his inability to handle emotional reactions. I def do not want to see him in a public or private situation at this point .. I think he would explode based upon the correspondence I have received from him.

I have dealt with people who have had strokes and recovered .. that emotional response is always there .. they are more likely to be volatile or cry over specific situations. I am really FURIOUS over the fact the conversation my oldest had was not with his dad .. it was the wife. Again .. my X is not that direct this whole thing just confirms that. I also believe he's actively using something .. it has to be pain killers of some kind .. when I talk about him being put together with duct tape .. I am so not kidding .. he's falling apart faster than the dr's can put him back together and you just can't tell me he doesn't have a supply of pills coming in .. I question what will happen when that stops .. what will fall off his body next.

Whew .. it was enlightening for me to look at that during that brief conversation and say .. you know what .. this all makes a whole lot more sense to me and just validates again .. no I'm not crazy because this isn't a rational response. I probably pushed him back over with my response .. again .. he's so lucky I have grown as an individual because boy oh boy .. I see his buttons and it's like Pinocchio in my mind .. I can totally see what strings and buttons to push to make him move one way or the other. If only his nose grew when he told a lie or his pants caught fire .. that would be actually satisfying. I really feel sorry for the wife .. I know how exhausting it is to feel the need to think for the other person especially him .. and I really don't think it's an option because he can't .. he really can't do it.

Hugs S :)