The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading forTtuesday- 9-3- speaks about keeping the focus on ourselves and then suggests that we embrace the tools of the program so as we can look to ourselves to see exactly what we may be doing that might increase our pain and anxiety By following the basic principles of program we soon discover that many of our actions are causing us undue stress. When we see this we can stop blaming others and take appropriate actions to change our behavior, using alanon tools,we than grow and change .
Thank you Betty for your service.
Sometimes focusing on ourselves can be painful. So the process comes slowly. But when it does begin to unfold, my aren't we surprised! LOL! I thought I was the "healthy" one!
But there is great truth in the saying "... we soon discover many of our actions are causing us undue stress." By focusing on our behavior(s), we can pinpoint those actions. We can stop blaming others. We can begin to understand why we are accepting the negative behaviors from others. And the best part... "When we know better, we can do better!" This opens the door for self-forgiveness.
I kind of love that today is 9/3, and Step 9 is up and running on the Step Work Board. I am moving through Step 9. My first amends is to myself!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks for your service Betty. The whole premise of focusing on myself seemed like a joke and/or impossible to do, when my A was drinking & driving, etc. As P&P stated, wasnt I the healthy one too? WRONG! And that was hard to accept. No, I was not healthy, and Im still working on it day by day, ODAT! Lyne
The whole concept of focusing on myself was one I was not at all ready for, when I entered the doors of Al-Anon, and further underlined when I went to a workshop called Insite, at one of my A's recovery centers....
"Wait a minute - you guys don't understand..... I don't need recovery, SHE (my ex-AW) does!!" I swear I uttered those infamous words dozens of times, as I couldn't even recognize how sick, and in need of recovery, this disease had made me....
Thanks for posting
Tom
-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 3rd of September 2019 10:53:37 AM
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you Betty for your service and the daily! Thanks to all above me for your shares and ESH. I heard early on in recovery that whenever I am restless, irritable or discontent, the issue lies within me. I really, really did not like hearing this and it took me a while of practicing recovery to embrace, accept and believe this. Today, I now that no matter what another is/is not doing, is/is not saying - I have the choice to respond vs. react and whether to take it personally or not. Recovery has given me the freedom to let other people's 'poop' lay with them and not stick to me! I am grateful for the many tools that help me better see what is vs. where my mind wants to go!
Happiness is an inside job is a concept I hardily believe, embrace and accept. Looking at me and inside of me has given me the freedom to live and let others live and to see bumps in the road of life for what they are vs. catastrophes! Happy Tuesday to all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Betty and for the other shares, as well.
Keep the focus on me? I was raised to focus on others' needs and not to be selfish with my own. Now I know better and know to focus not only on my needs, but what I am doing or allowing to make myself unhappy. I too know that when I am feeling upset, ungrateful, agitated and irritable, I have to look inward. AH isn't doing anything different than normal, so if something is bothering me....then it just might be me that is off track.
IAH, I liked your comment about not letting others' "poop" stick to me!
Great shares by all. Happy Tuesday.....tomorrow I take an hour drive to see my grandchildren. Can't wait!
Happy September 3rd and thank you for your service Betty! Great topic and shares!
"we can look to ourselves to see exactly what we may be doing that might increase our pain and anxiety "
This truly speaks to me and I love how this is framed. Prior to Alanon, I didn't know any better and was sure that all of my suffering was from external things. With Alanon support and tools, I am learning how I can chose to experience people, places, and things. As I work the program, each day, I come into a better understanding of what self-care means. The more I can detach from things I cannot control and the more boundaries, the less distractions I have from focusing on myself. Alanon helps me do this with healthier perspectives so I get stuck less frequently and usually with less intensity.
