The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For the Monday reading, 9/2, the writer reflects upon Step 1-thinking about it and feeling about it too. The feeling about it is described in one word: grief. The author has memories of the damage done to family, friends, and themself. And there are many lost years grappling with the disease.
Reminder: I have suffered many losses as the result of alcoholism. Part of admitting the effects of this disease in my life is admitting my grief. By facing alcoholisms impact on my life, I begin to move out of its grip and into a life of great promise and hope.
Quote: Its not easy to admit defeat and give in to that powerful foe, alcoholism. Yet, this surrender is absolutely necessary if we are ever to have sane, happy lives again.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This reading makes so much sense to me. Now that I can strip away the anger, resentment, and let go of trying to control someone and something I am powerless over, whats left really is grief. And I believe I was grieving for years. With program I have made a new start I didnt think was possible. And I need to keep coming back to maintain balance and health, Lyne
Thank you for your service Lyne and for your great share.
It was so hard to admit that I was powerless. To do so meant that I'd have to admit that all of my invested attempts to "save" him and the relationship were for nothing. It meant that I'd feel defeated. It meant that I'd have to change and that my life would change and all that went before no longer exits. The truth is that it already did not exist and pretending didn't bring it back... it only fostered living an emptier life. I lost my life bearings because I had been so wrapped up in putting my A first. I thought by doing so, I was being a good wife.
Thankfully, at a point I kept coming back to Alanon. Eventually, by God's grace, I felt myself surrender a little bit at a time. Each time, it brought relief and serenity.
My qualifier is long gone from my life, but I keep coming back, as this program has been and continues to be about me.
Life happens and life does, and it brings a continual renewal and practice of Step 1 and I am grateful.
Thanks for your service to MIP Lynn and share
Grief is a timely topic for me. So many mixed and confusing feelings have been building inside me over the last few weeks. August is filled with sad anniversaries for me - deaths, divorce, birthdays of loved ones who are gone.
On the upside, it's also my Alanon anniversary month.
The weather has been rapidly changing here. Summer is ending and the cool weather affirms this.
Last night I was finally able to pinpoint what I was feeling. I've been lucky enough to find some work although only temporary. Days fly by and the new situation feels stressful - people, places, things. And despite it being an opportunity to learn and grow professionally and personally, I have to use my program in a new and unfamiliar way to maintain my serenity. I miss the familiar. I miss predictability. The demands are very high in this workplace and I've somehow forgotten to keep close to hp. I often come home in HALT.
When I'm in HALT, it's difficult for me to identify what I'm feeling beyond that. Sometimes HALT is just a short term fix, a patch for a much bigger inside job. I haven't been able to make as many meetings recently, haven't been calling others nor opened my CAL in a month and a half. My books are bookmarked.
I've consciously known of the feelings of loss that I typically feel this month but as someone many years in the program and knowing there's no changing the past, I've mentally noted these events that changed my life and compartmentalized them in order to stay present and attend to the present - new people, places and things.
Had I been opening my books, getting to meeting, calling others, I likely would have been identifying what I was feeling, spent time praying and been utilizing"feel, deal, heal."
Because there really is no timeline on grieving. Something can always trigger it but with the love of my hp I can feel it and let it pass through me.
Last night I shared at home my confusion, my dis-ease during these weeks. I wept openly and intensely over lost loved ones especially. My A just held me and let me have my feelings and I felt the warmth and love of my higher power's presence in that moment.
When I find the courage to embrace and feel all my feelings as uncomfortable as some may be; I am more able to hold onto my serenity and accept life on life's terms with more grace. Now that I've let go, I'm grateful, less fearful, open to be guided by my hp to whatever hp has planned for me today. Yes, my losses have been great but my joys have been equally so. Life is good for me. Recovery, a blessing. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Dear Lyne I so appreciate your ESH on this important topic I have indeed suffered great loss due to this dreadful disease and believe I have processed most . The biggest loss is that of my precious son and somehow I believe i will always grieve that loss . I appreciate the fact that I can acknowledge my pain here and in the rooms and be understood.
Thank you Lyne for your service today. I really appreciate everyone's ESH on this topic. I am not sharing more, b/c honestly, Bud wrote "my" ESH!! LOL! Except for one line, the similarities were uncanny.
Personally, I don't think there are some "soul hurts" you truly ever get past... you just learn to deal and they scab over as you heal(I am thinking the death of your child).
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Monday 2nd of September 2019 02:44:13 PM
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Monday MIP Family! Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your ESH/shares. Al-Anon has blessed me with the ability (when I am willing) to feel my feelings instead of stuffing them, ignoring them or the like. I too believe there are life events that forever change us and grieving has no deadline, time-frame or 'perfect path'. It just is, and part of my self-care included checking in with me to see what's up.
Most days, I feel very blessed and grateful. There are calendar days, marked by 24 hours, that can be difficult because of anniversaries of past events. I handle some better than others, and no matter what's going on with me, inside of me, I do know I am not alone, and where I 'am' is where I am suppose to be. I'm grateful to have this program and supporting folks who truly do understand when I find myself revisiting grief, fear, anxiety, etc. and offer me loving support and ESH. It's the WE part of this program that has allowed me to move forward and heal from the affects of this disease.
I'm off to take a nap and then we're doing our regular Monday tacos! One of my recovery gal pals celebrated 31 years sober yesterday, so it's all about 'her' tonight....I feel very fortunate to be a witness to the miracle of genuine recovery from both sides of the room! (((Hugs))) to all - make it a blessed day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
