The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The author of today's reading was complaining about a situation, and their sponsor suggested -- instead of a gratitude list -- that they list all the things they were UNhappy about. Later, when the author was having a good day, the sponsor suggested writing a gratitude list. It turned out that the things on the list of grievances were the same as those on the gratitude list: same house, same people, but the author's attitude about them had changed.
Today's reminder: "I recognize how powerful my mind can be. I can't always feel good, and I have no interest in whitewashing my difficulties by pasting a smile on my face. But I recognize that I am constantly making choices about how I perceive my world."
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I find reframing -- looking at things differently -- very powerful. And I love how today's reminder acknowledges that this is not about pasting a fake smile on my face. It's about changing my inside. And this is not always easy.
I remember trying to reframe my scared, angry viewpoint when I was living with a sick alcoholic. I kept trying to find a different way to see my situation, but I couldn't maintain a changed viewpoint very long, because I knew I was faking it and didn't know there was a way to make it. My attitude was very heavy, and I could not lift it by myself.
Once I got into Al-Anon, I received so many new ideas, facts, and tools that I had not known about, and was blessed with a sponsor. With that help, I was able to slowly shift my attitude -- not to perfection, but I have made progress.
Good Morning Freetime In reading that page, i thought about my denial and i often denied reality in order to not deal.
I guess'"reframing" is a more positive step in the process. I must try this. Thanks for your service.
Thanks for your service FT. When I first heard about the idea that I could literally change my attitude, I thought it was a ridiculous task. How on earth could I go from frustration, aggravation, anger, hurt, etc., towards my A, to acceptance, forgiveness, and acceptance? In program I have learned thats its as simple as changing my thoughts . The slogan Think is also important here: My A is not doing this to hurt me. My A hurts herself over and over and over again, in many different ways. And even though she is making progress, she does not embrace her recovery as I do mine. I truly did get sick of being in pain and misery. My A is not tired of it yet . With the focus on myself , I have better life with my own changed attitude. And as FT said, progress not perfection, Lyne
I appreciate everyone's shares about this topic. Like Betty, I used denial of my situation and my feelings about the situation to not deal. I felt it was too difficult to reframe while living with an addicted person showing all their addictive behaviors.
Today, I use reframing quite a lot! If I catch myself being negative, I actual say to myself, "Wait, let's reframe that!" LOL! It does make me laugh, but I find that changing the way I think about something does help!
Good Friday to you all! TGIF!!!
Looking forward to the 3Day, even though I have no specific plans!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you for today's reading and responses! I love the idea of reframing. I can catch myself sometimes and reframe when I find I'm getting hooked into crazy thinking. Great reading! I'm away again for a few days, so it's hard to get to this board. Happy Holiday Weekend!
El
I love this, and reminds me of a great lecture by John Gray, on the power of perspectives....
He was speaking to a live audience, and asked for a show of hands, as to how many people had stepped off a curb, only to be almost hit by a vehicle..... of course, many people raised their hands...
He talked of - "me too, and it was before I learned about the power of perspectives..... I let events like that literally ruin my day.... First, I angrily waved my fist at the driver..... then I got to work, and relived the whole event once again, telling my coworkers.... a little bit later I called my wife, and got agitated once again..... later that evening, we had a dinner party, and I told the story yet again - still angry and reliving the moment....
Then I learned about the power of perspectives, and how we see/interpret the events around us have a HUGE influence in how we react to them. If that same thing were to happen to me today, I would be able to say - Hey John, pretty good reflexes for an old guy - and then carry on with my day, and be unaffected by this somewhat trivial event.
Same event, completely different outcomes.
Pretty amazing stuff
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I know that recovery has given me choices - how to live, how to perceive, how to hope and how to see. Before recovery, my mind, attitude, actions and words would go to 'the dark side'....I could sit and spin about how awful something or someone was and how the past was going to repeat and how I knew the awful, negative outcome soon to be and of course, give away my power and joy for an entire day or longer.
Today, I know I don't have to see, believe, feel that way. I can embrace life as it happens, good and bad, and truly trust that what is happening is exactly as it appears - a bump in the road for a portion of my day or my life. There has not been one single 'life event' that I died from (yet) or haven't been able to learn and grow from. Today, when I feel anxious, uncomfortable, fearful or the like, I can pause, pray and then proceed as I know I am not alone and help and hope still exist.
A daily request for God's will in my life and an attitude of gratitude with an open mind carry me, and I am extremely grateful. TGIF MIP family - make it a great and joyful day. For all who celebrate Labor Day, enjoy the longer weekend we have!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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