The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how some of us who grew up with alcoholism learned to care for ourselves, but at the expense of our scope of awareness. In order to care for ourselves, we limited our awareness to the immediate and what was in front of us. The writer describes how coming into the program and attending meetings were a way to broaden our awareness and compassion for others. The writer also describes how helpful the traditions and steps were as a way to look outside of ourselves.
For me, realizing that others had stories just like mine was a relief. Living with alcoholic behavior can feel so isolating and lonely; it was very helpful for me to know that in many ways what I was struggling with was not so unique. As I have worked on my own recovery, I have felt the growth from seeking out stories similar to mine for comfort, to sharing what I have lived in order to be a source of support (step 12).
I no longer live with an active alcoholic, and that has been a huge change for my life. I have found that while there was a time that I would seek out chaos because it was what I was familiar with, now I seek out peacefulness because thats the type of life I want to live.
Good Morning Mary great topic. I too sought out chaos in my early days as, like yourself I felt comfortable in it. Enter program, attending meetings absorbing the literature, embracing the principles of the Steps with a sponsor , I soon learned another constructive way.and I am ever so grateful Thanks fr your dedicated service
Thanks Mary for your service. Its true for me as well, that learning that I am not alone with the pain from the disease, helps normalize my experience, at least in the realm of alcoholism. I had many years of shame and isolation about what was happening in my life. I no longer have to hide whats happened. I didnt cause it, I cant control it, and I sure as heck cant cure it. Love those 3 Cs! Lyne
Happy Sunday all!!
Thank you Mary for your service to MIP. I hope that the school year is starting off well for you!
I have always thought that service to others was a "big thing," and as a den leader to my son's Cub Scout group for 5 years, I emphasized that as well. I have always volunteered at my son's school, as well as with the musical groups he was involved in. During the greatest turmoil, it was extremely difficult to keep those things up. But b/c I had committed, I still pressed through... at the expense of myself. I was stretched beyond paper-thin!Sometimes I reflect and don't even know how I did all that and kept up "appearances." Crazy making for sure!!
Today, I have a much healthier way of dealing, so I can be of service AND take care of myself and everything my life needs. I am grateful for Al-Anon and all the members that have helped me along my journey!
Trying to get out into the garden to plant before the triple-digits!! Wish me luck! LOL!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you. I'm currently on vacation but im feeling so lonely unhappy and downright pi**ed off.
Been on the receiving end of some very uncalled for behaviour that daughter was witness to.
Im literally at the stage of just considering booking a flight and going home. Trashing the house and moving out to a place of my own and going complete zero contact.
Say a prayer for my mental sanity
Greetings MIP family and Happy Sunday to all. I did not grow up with active disease, but did get raised by two untreated AcoA(s). We did not have chaos and active insanity but we did get taught to keep secrets, act/be/do 'perfect' and never show emotions/feelings. It did not work out well for me!
As an intelligent person, when it came time to grow, learn, etc. I rebelled against all in extreme ways! Part of that rebellion included seeking out the most dysfunctional people to be with, associate with, align with and of course, love. That pattern continued for a long, long while as I did not know any better/other coping ways! The more chaos and dysfunction, the better as it kept me from looking at and correcting the real issue - me.
Al-Anon has given me to tools to deeply examine me, and what makes me tick. I have the tools to love myself and others unconditionally, be of service, feel my feelings and be authentic. I no longer need to seek out chaos/crazy to feel loved, important or needed and today, I step to the side when I see it coming. I love my super-peaceful boring life - an adjustment I never imagined and didn't think I wanted.
I am sorry jitsuka that you are on vacation and feeling 'trapped' with unhappiness and anger. I can relate and it's certainly unpleasant. You are not alone, and perhaps there are meetings nearby? If not, please try to remember that this too shall pass! Do something super special for you to enjoy your time away from the normal!
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily! Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. It's been a rainy Sunday here - meeting, big brunch with family, a long nap and some chores - lovely reasonably balanced day! Find and keep your joy! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Jitsuka, my thoughts are with you. I hope that your higher power will guide you to the right actions for you and your daughter.
I understand your feelings about trashing the house! I was that angry sometimes, and I imagined doing things like that. Thankfully I had the sanity to not be destructive... it would have hurt no one but myself, and I realized that if I acted that way, no one would take me seriously.
This is the only place I can to go be understood and to find healthier perspectives and skills. I agree that it's a huge relief that I can finally learn self care, how to be true to myself, and that all of this is ok.
Jitsuka- I can relate and remember many a time/ vacation I'd be in tears and my wits end... keep doing the next right thing... whatever this means for you. Sending supportive prayers.
I will double up with Freetime as I haven't read that page of the day yet...sorry...I am borderline Jitsuka and need to go practice what I have been taught in program and with HP. ((((Jitsuka))))
Jitsuka, my thoughts are with you. I hope that your higher power will guide you to the right actions for you and your daughter.
I understand your feelings about trashing the house! I was that angry sometimes, and I imagined doing things like that. Thankfully I had the sanity to not be destructive... it would have hurt no one but myself, and I realized that if I acted that way, no one would take me seriously.
I hope you can find some self-care today.
Thank you.
I was pretty flabbergasted by the nasty petulant behaviour the A did. Really selfish, childish, controlling stuff. I would call it abusive, and falling under dv. They say the truth speaks under alcohol doesn't it.
I've just separated myself emotionally and I thank alanon for helping me to remain calm (as much as I could!) Under intense provocation and her laptop didn't end up getting chucked over the balcony or some physical confrontation occur. Thr steps have helped me with that.
It's sad really because I feel the emotional strands of this relationship finally snapping, I feel trapped at home as accommodation is her house. I get threatened with 'This is my house ' well you're welcome to live in it in the future as I'm planning my leaving. I need to be around to protect our daughter as much as I can though. She's 12. When she's 16 I'm leaving. There is inheritance money so I will be ok financially for housing. The mortgage on her house will be paid off soon so I will be able to save hundreds of pounds each month too as a cushion.
Yesterday I just chilled out with daughter, sat next to hotel pool in the shade too avoid sunburn! Ate ice cream, I did a fair bit of swimming which I really enjoy.
In the afternoon I hit the gym, did some nice warmup, stretching, circuits, then rowing machine. In this 25oC heat it was a good 40 min workout. I'm really limiting my alcohol intake too.
I've just blanked the A, she went off and did her own thing, selfish actions that is typical of As. I'm practising the steps and don't feel too emotionally distressed or stressed.
Today I'm thinking of taking a trip into the local town, take some photos with my new camera, there's a wine tour place which looks interesting.
Funnily enough the A has booked a week away in October. At this point in time I'm saying to myself that I'm not going. I'd rather stay home and do my own thing rather than be placed in the same emotionally distressing situation
Took a walk into town, could have caught the hotel shuttle bus but decided the walk would do me good, take in the sounds sights and smells, listen to a bit of YouTube, was a good 40 mins walk and let my mind wander and mull things over.
Was nice just to wander but quite frankly I'd rather be sat at home right now.
Felt really lonely in this world walking around, just a nameless cog.
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