The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
feeling kind of uncomfortable today. I have been getting weird vibes from my husband for a few days now. Kind of a cold, silent treatment. Don't really know what it is all about. We have plans to go to Maryland for the weekend. It will be the first time we are together for a period of time in four months, as we are separated. I am/was looking forward to the time together to kind of feel things out as to where we are. Maybe I am just imagining it all. I don't know.
He had begun a job, repossessing cars, but apparently it is not working out as well as he had hoped, so no work this week. Don't know what is up about that. I have set boundaries regarding finances and will not give him any money. I guess I was hoping (uh-oh - expectations) that with this job he might start to give me some money towards the house, kids etc.. he has not given me any since we separated in December. I have let go of a lot of the bills that I do not feel responsible for. His motorcycle payment and insurance payment, the credit card that he maxed out, his half of the cell phone bill... but that certainly only slightly lifts the burden. We have a very nice home, with a very large mortgage, heat, electric well you all know the deal. And two sons, 13 and 9 who had been accustomed to living in a two income household. (he quit his job last summer and until this recent job, two weeks ago, had not worked at all)
I also noticed that after he had been in the house my step work papers that I keep by the bed had been gone through. Weird. I read back through them to see if I had written anything that he would have found offensive, when I hit me, the whole thing might be frightening, although I had not written anything offensive. I don't know and suppose I should not try to figure it out. I am trying to be careful about reacting. Maybe I am making it all up in my mind - but something just does not feel right. It will reveal itself. I need to let it go and move on with my day. Ok, so I am still sitting here..... I am going to go read a few pages on reacting.
I would be upset too, if I had noticed my persoanl thoughts, feelings (ur step-work pgs) had been shuffled through.
All I can really offer is to listen to your intuition, it is usually right.
My ex (addict) & I would argue incessantly when going on vacation... I finally asked him (on the first trip) about 3 hours into it ~ "did your parents always argue when they went away?" the answer was "Yes." So after that, at least we didn't generally fight on vacations... at least not prior to, sometimes something would trigger during it. I dunno, I was miserable for years, not sure why I had to be so determined to stay for so long... oh, well, can't beat myself up over it, just be grateful I'm no longer fighting with him daily.
Hope u have a safe trip & a good time, keep us posted.
love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Sorry for the uneasy feelings. Just be careful! I would find it frightening if someone were going through my things too. If he did look through your step work it was probably so he could try to figure out what you are thinking. Maybe he's acting weird because of you guys going away this weekend. Maybe he's nervous about it too and just doesn't know how to act right now. (Just some thoughts!) Good for you for not picking up his bills--as much as possible.
I hope you have a good weekend, even if it doesn't go exactly how you want it to, maybe things will get clearer! Take care of you!
My A and I always fight while packing for trips & usually off & on during the entire trip. Typically my A finds a reason to pick a HUGE fight right in the middle so that he has an excuse to leave & stay out drinking all night. To be honest, I don't think I have ever had a pleasant vacation w/my A and we have been married for 13 years. He even managed to ruin Disney World last summer by being a butthead. If I was where I am now in my recovery back then, maybe I would have still had a nice time but I wasn't and allowed him to ruin the most magical place on Earth. Bummer.
So I guess my advice would be to take a deep breath, relax and try to find some enjoyment in the weekend. What will happen, will happen. If he is as nervous as you are, then maybe once you have gotten your nerves back under control, he will be able to do the same & you will have a nice time.
As far as the snooping in your personal belongings...I don't know what to tell you about that. I fight the urge to snoop myself when I want to figure out what my husband is up to. Sometimes I succomb to those urges and scope his wallet, drawers & closet out - never finding anything that will give me a clue to what he does or who he does it with. Maybe your A was just trying to get some clue as to what you are feeling/thinking so he will be able to better predict the direction your weekend trip will go. Can you be sure it was him & one of the kids?
I wish you the best this weekend. Enjoy yourself & try not to stress.
