The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to my first alanon meeting this morning and left disappointed. So was just wondering, if there might be another meeting that will be a good fit for myself. I didnt know what to expect at a meeting, but I did expect something more than welcome. I am not wanting to bash Alanon so that is not my intention, just wondering if they are all run the same.
tHERE ARE MANY DIFFEENT TYPES OF MEETINGS SOME ARE BEGINNERS MEETINGS WERE THE TOOLS ARE REVIEWED, SOME AT sTEP AND SLOGAN MEETINGS AND OTHERS GENERAL DISCUSSION. THE mEETING LIST SHOULD IDENTIFY THE DIFFERENT MEETINGS
The one I went to is How It Works. They were talking about a chapter of some book they had read and how it made them realize things. I am looking at the meeting list I picked up. They aren't that self explanatory as to what they are about other than the one I went to said book study. The next one I want to try it says Keep It Simple. I am so lost and confused on to which I should be going to. I am looking for a meeting that will give you tools and talk about it, and then others in the meeting if they choose to talk about what brought them to the group and share their experiences etc, then I could share mine etc. Do I have the wrong expectation of Alonon? I am so confused.
It's normal to be confused! But I hope you find a meeting that welcomes you warmly so you don't feel alone.
If you can find a meeting labeled for newcomers, that would be ideal -- but not absolutely necessary. At your next meeting, ask if they can give you a newcomers packet, or if they have some of the pamphlets such as "Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism" or "The Merry Go Round Called Denial." I found them so helpful in the beginning.
One thing that I found strange as a newcomer was that experienced members don't spend a lot of time talking about the alcoholic in their life... we talk more about ourselves. And we try really hard not to give advice.
Some meetings set aside a time at the end for the newcomer to share, so make sure they know you are new (and confused!).
Lindie - I might call your local / regional Al-Anon service office. I suggest this because "How It Works" is the title of a chapter from the AA Big Book and I wonder if you might have been at an AA meeting by accident - often they meet in the same building(s) with different rooms, times, etc.
Keep it Simple applies to both programs so ... I am uncertain. In my area, the answering of the phones is a service role that is rotated. What that means is you should reach an Al-Anon person who can not only verify your meeting list but can also share some basics about the program. If nobody answers, leave a message - in my area, we check the answering service once per couple hours and always return messages.
Our area is similar to what Betty suggests - we have newcomer meetings, step meetings, topic meetings, open meetings, closed meetings, etc. I believe if you visit the official Al-Anon website, there is some information on what to expect from meetings! It's a great source of information, literature, topics, speakers, etc.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
There are many many many different meetings and each group really has its own feel, oftentimes with different members. When I started Al-Anon, I was encouraged to get to at least six different meetings as close together as possible before I decided if Al-Anon was right for me or not.
As others mentioned, different meetings have different focuses. Some do book studies, some just focus only on the steps. Some are speaker meetings. And a lot tend to do a rotation between the Steps, Traditions, literature and open topics.
I agree with IAH that it sounds like you *may* have ended up in an AA meeting by accident based on the group's name... but then it's pretty close to Al-Anon's book title "How Al-Anon Works", so who knows.
Some groups, too, I find unfortunately are a little less open and friendly to newcomers. It doesn't mean you're NOT welcome there, but the members may be shy themselves and being outgoing to strangers can be a challenge for some people.
I also agree to request a newcomer's packet if it's not immediately offered to you at the next meeting you try.
Definitely try other meetings in your area. I'm sure you'll find one that feels like home to you.
