know its been a long time since posted ,summer time has been hectic with saleing old furniture and replaceing furniture then projects out the wazoo.

ive been slacking on my recovery work i feel it big time,trying to get it all back going again,

i read in 1 of my daily about problems growing up in the a home,and about anger in the a home,

i can remember how problems in ,my childhood home were forever everyday thing ,always bad problems sad and lots of times crises,

that was my norms ,i thought problems were how everyone lived with even today ,this i guess has been a eyeopener to me as ive kept or keep problems going on in my life im creating them ,by not going to dr as i shoild missed appts ,never been a procastinater was an on time early got it done right perfectionist at it ,today im right oppisite im a procrastinater,

and anger ,well we siblings fought each other with a vengeance ,jealousy and anger was all we knew,i did leave home at age 16 never to return to the hell hole i was brought up in,mom was always worried n depressed ,dad drunk 24/7,sloppy drunk to liked to go out into neghborhood n show out ,imbarressing to say the least,

i hated my dad for all he done to us.

like this desease works on me i married into it keeping the pattern up.

lots of bad did happen n kept on happening,is when i found alanon and learned there that to let it begin with me i knew i as gonna have to had no choice no turning around,for my self n life was at stake,

this was a scary saying for me ,i have learned to detach from foo,i love them imensely just not at the cost of my sanity,im having a tough time today trying to change myself it is a struggle everyday ,i keep reminding myself its a 1 day at a time even hours,mins,seems to bring me some peace of mind.

ive not been around my foo in 8 mths or better,,very toxic at times ,all unhealthy ways attitudes,

im got the urge to want to try n reach out to them or just pay a visit ,im tearing up typing this as i miss my sister she n i like twins growing up but oppisites,we or i clung to her growing up she a bit older than i ,each other was all we had ,thinking maybe ill just knock on her door if she opens it great if not then fine to,leaveing her with a baby pic of me n her together that was sent to me by extended family,,my parents home burnt down lost everything only ashes mom stayed in shock for weeks,all pics gone,dad drunk set it on fire deliberately throwing gas everywhere lighting a match.warped huh.yep no wonder we have so much anger n revenge,resistment,etc

grateful for alanon that today i now know that all im responsible for is me,and that i have assets ,thank gosh for that.

im gonna leave it here so wanted to post,i did,yay me........love you ppl,yall are my only true family i got ,hugs to.......patricia---looking up