The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thee C2C reading for Tuesday, 6-25 speaks about denying our own feelings to keep the peace, . It points out that "willingness" is the finest gift we can give to ourselves. each meeting attended and alanon telephone call answered reinforces this willingness We can ask HP for he courage to stand up for ourselves and it ill be given .
If we open our minds to the possibility of change and understand that we are no one's victim we are where we need to be to grow.
"There is a price too high to pay for peace One cannot pay the price of self respect " Powerful quote from Woodrow Wilson.
I can readily identify with this discussion as I made my need invisible even to myself so as to keep the peace. Enter program and i have leaned to 'a say what i mean, mean what i say and not say it mean. HP granted me the courage when i needed it
Thank you Betty for your service. I was taught to be a doormat from early childhood and it lasted way into adulthood. I not only wanted to keep the peace, but I also had fear of speaking up. God forbid I should have an original thought! As I leaned to have a self that didnt have to be perfect, self-respect and self-esteem easily came. I dont think a non-alanon person can understand the gifts and blessings of this program. Ever so grateful, Lyne
Thank you Betty for your service, and Lyne for your share!
As a general rule, I will go out of my way to avoid confrontation, and I will sacrifice myself and my needs/desires as well. With Al-Anon, I learned to 'say what I mean, mean what I say, and to not say it mean.' It has served me well.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Greetings MIP Family! Thank you Betty for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above me for your shares and ESH. I was a right-fighter for a long time, and then practiced silent scorn complete with eye-rolls. There were some situations were I certainly did not self-advocate and the previous mentioned behaviors were magnified and exploited as I was unable/unwilling to be authentic!
Today, I find that just asking for the courage to be me, willing, open and humble makes a ton of difference in all my encounters as well as my relationships. I no longer right-fight and instead practice the pause to determine how important things truly are and then say my peace if I am in need of doing so. I find in many scenarios, practicing saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean works perfectly so long as it's my truth and not blaming/shaming another.
I am not a victim, I am a willing/unwilling player. This truth took me a long time to understand, accept and fully embrace! Happy Tuesday all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I was really shy when I was a kid. It took me a long time to learn to stand up for myself and become my own person. Now, I'm needing to learn the lesson my grand aunt Lottie taught me by example, when to speak and when to remain silent. Sometimes her eyes would sparkle, and I knew there were things she wanted to say, but thought better of it. She lived with an alcoholic for years. He passed away. I began hanging around with her when I was in my thirties and she was in her 80s.
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And don't say it mean. I like that very much and speaks to a character flaw that I possess. Often I break all three. Someone said they do the 4, 7, 8 breathing, breathe in to the count of 4, hold to the count of 7, and exhale to the count of 8. Someone else said that meditation is vital and if you don't have time to pray and meditate then it means you need to pray and meditate longer. What I like about these words is that they became more meaningful long after I hear them. I'm gathering these tools for my toolbox which I must learn to keep open so that I can grab them quickly instead of putting them away and forgetting what tools are there to use. Thanks for this reading.
I realized I'd been meditating since I was a kid...I just didn't know the word for it. It's calming. It allows one to release the chatter in the mind, notice it and let it go. Meditating is going within. Prayer works for those who believe in a deity.
I understand Wildflower. I was thinking of my son who does not believe in a deity and thought well can you pray to or for good? So maybe Al-anon embraces all beliefs or non-belief and the word prayer can have a different meaning for someone who does not believe in a deity. Is that what they mean by higher power as you understand it? I like the word prayer. It invokes seeking outside myself.
IamLynn, thanks. I realize some do believe in a higher power. I believe there is something, but not in that way. That's why I was hesitant to become part of this group. I was raised Christian. So I understand the concepts. I just no longer believe. Each one of us has to decided what's right for us. I respect that. It's what makes us who and what we are. The ideas presented here as ways to deal with alcoholics are good even without the belief. That's why I decided to be here.
Thanks Betty, for the reading...