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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change June 19


~*Service Worker*~

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Courage to Change June 19


In today's reading, the author reminds us that we don't have to take everything personally and we don't have to see ourselves as the victim of everything that happens unless we chose to do so. When we are troubled by another's behavior, a complicated situation, or a disappointing turn of events, we can decide to accept what we cannot change and change what we can. The author suggests that when we accept "problems" at face value without taking them personally, we may find that they are not problems at all, but rather things that didn't go the way we would have liked them to go. The resulting change in attitude can free us to review the situations realistically and move forward constructively. 

Today's Reminder: Blaming my discomfort on outside events can be a way to avoid facing the real cause - my own attitudes. I can see myself as a victim, or I can accept what is happening in my life and take responsibility for my response. I may be guided to take action or to sit still, but when I listen to the guidance of my Higher Power I will no longer be the victim of my circumstances.

Today's Quote: "God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how." Henry Ward Beecher

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I really like today's reading, and like these reading do so often for me, it really speaks to where I am today. AW and I had a minor disagreement this week, caused really by a naughty pup. I was in the process of dealing with it, and she escalated the situation by barging into the room, and yelling in a loud, aggressive way at the dog. I told her not to yell at the dog, and reminded her that this was the advice from our vet to help our dogs stop being so reactive. I also said her response wasn't needed, because I had been dealing with it and she'd interrupted with a different approach. And while I feel like I approached the situation in a calm, firm, balanced way, her reaction was further escalation and yelling. Well, I can't change what she is going to do, and I don't have to take it personally. I also don't have to engage. She apologized later that night. If I had taken the interaction personally, I would have just continued to escalate it. Her attitude and emotions are not my problem. Seeing them in this light helped me see the situation for what it was and move forward. My night didn't need to be ruined, and I didn't need to be fighting with my spouse. 

Similarly at work, I am waiting on a few key decisions before I will know whether I need to lay off my part-time team, and when, and what project my full-time team and I will be working on. We've been in limbo since January with this, and I know it is not within my power to speed the decision process along. Similarly, when I don't agree with the approach my boss or my boss' boss is taking to advocate for this decision, I can voice my concerns in a balanced way, but I don't need to take it personally if they decide on a different approach. Their approach might work, or it might not. I've done what I can by contributing what I can to the process and voicing any concerns I have. Even if things don't work out the way I hope they will, I have done what was within my power to do. I don't need to try to force my approach on them - they have information that I do not have because they are in meetings I do not attend. I can decide to trust that they are competent and will do what they think is best, and wait to see what happens. No matter which decision is reached, I can also accept that decision and move forward confidently and constructively, even if it isn't the decision I hope for. 

I've been wondering lately if I am too conflict averse - it has come up a few times at work and a few friends have voiced concern that I'm not being effective because I don't disagree with leadership in the way they do. I've thought about it a lot, and this reading helps me to put things in perspective. I have an approach to disagreement that is informed by this program that works for me. I don't have a problem stating openly what I think or what my position on something is, and if someone is open to dialog, I am happy to engage. However, if there is no room for dialog with those above me in my organization, simply stating my concerns and letting the topic drop saves us all time and frustration, which allows us to continue working productively together toward solutions. I don't need to be right for the sake of being right. And, in any case, I tend to hear "no" as "not now" or "not yet," so I know when I really care about the topic, I will have a future opportunity to work toward whatever goal. 

Quite a long share for me today - it seems like this reading was even more on-point for me that I originally recognized! I hope you make today a great day! 



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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu



~*Service Worker*~

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Good morning Skorpi and thank you for your service, the daily and your ESH. I know for me that after so many, many years of taking things personally, blaming others for my lot in life and projecting gloom/doom often that it is truly freeing to change me. I feel absolutely calm, at peace and centered when I just accept that what others think, say, do, believe, etc. is not about me. Even if/when I am being challenged, targeted, chastised, etc. - it's still not about me. Even when another is taking my inventory, it's not about me! What my sponsor suggested for difficult people is to listen for intent/content and not the emotion. If I find something to consider/work on/ be true, then consider a plan to address and then move along!

It is in Al-Anon that I heard I can decide to just not engage. It is in Al-Anon that I heard I can drop the rope or refuse to pick it up. It is in Al-Anon that I learned and heard that blaming/shaming others is a part of our insanity and very unhealthy, limiting my recovery/growth. It is with Al-Anon tools that I get to practice using tools, one day at a time, that work for my sanity, serenity and attitude(s)!

I am grateful that I love me enough today to step aside from crazy/controlling/overbearing people. I am grateful that I love me enough today to let go and let God for sticky situations. I am grateful that my focus only needs to be on me, this day and how I can be of service to enhance my growth! Al-Anon has given me a simple plan for living, all that complicates that is the matter that exists between my ears!

Happy hump day MIP family! My parents are taking a mini-day-trip to see some friends and I get some quality me/alone time! I'm doing a snoopy happy dance on the inside....Make it a great, great day all!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you Scorpi for your service and both shares. This reminds me of my former self, prior to alanon. I took everything personally, was always to blame, always wrong, etc. My wonderful sponsor taught me to carry a QTIP-Quit taking it personally. Its a wonderful reminder and easy to remember. Its another gift of our program, and having a wonderful MIP family to help me along, Lyne

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Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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This was good for me today! Thank you Skorpi for your share and service.
I appreciate the shares above!

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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Oooo I love that Henry Ward Beecher quote.

Yes, the quality of my life really depends on me. I may be powerless over outside circumstances, but I DO have the power to choose how I respond to those things.

There are no victims, only volunteers.

It really baffles me how I lived so much of my life pre-Al-Anon putting my happiness in other people's hands. It certainly wasn't fair to them, and it did me no good, either.

Thanks for the share



-- Edited by Aloha on Wednesday 19th of June 2019 09:56:39 AM

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~*Service Worker*~

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HELLO Scorpi Thia is indea a great reminder acceptance is a great tool in my alanon tool box as is The "Pause",   before program I always had to speak up first (NO pause) and found myself in trouble often-- now I take a deep breath say the serenity prayer ans speak    What a differenceaww



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
El


~*Service Worker*~

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It is such a balm to read everyones shares.  It helps me to reflect on the daily readings at a deeper level.

I believe I might have been the queen of taking it personally, but I have come a long way from that point of view.

Thanks to all. Happy Wednesday.....actually broke 80 degrees today here!

Ellen



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