The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Step 12 says that we tried to carry the message to others. The author of today's page was a very enthusiastic messenger, dragging their friends and relatives to meetings and preaching to everyone in earshot. This did not work, and they felt like a fool. Then they re-read the step and noticed the part about practicing these principles in all our affairs. It is by living the principles of the program that we carry the message -- by our example.
Today's Reminder: It's natural to want to share what works for me with those I love. But when I MUST share it NOW, I may be more interested in changing others than in sharing my experience, strength, and hope. If I am insistent on carrying the message, I can work on improving the message my own example conveys.
Quote from Teresa of Avila: "We ought not to insist on everyone following in our footsteps, not to take upon ourselves to give instructions in spirituality, when, perhaps, we do not even know what it is."
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When someone shares with me their struggles or frustrations, it is really tempting to quote an Al-Anon slogan or a principle I've learned. However, I've found that it is often best to just listen respectfully, even when I think I know exactly how that person is wrong and what they should do. Even when I think they could benefit from Al-Anon. Really living the program to the best of my ability today, although it is not always easy, is the only thing I can do. Actions speak louder than words. Advice is not well received unless it has been asked for.
MIP friends, how do you carry the message? Where do you find the line between letting someone know that Al-Anon is available to them and harassing them with unwanted advice?
~promotion by attraction in trad. 11 is about our advertising really. But it is often used for members.
I aimed for that one. Mostly I just felt frustrated when agencies would not refer people, as an option. I think I was keen in my early years- and maybe overstepped a few times- which is okay... it IS about learning. Maybe I concentrated on group unity and purpose more... so that newcomers might stay on.
The impulse of gratitude- and wanting to share the spoils... is really positive. I have tried to lead by example- but someone has to actually be in the rooms to see this sort of thing. Progress, not perfection... ...
I try to carry the message through the example of how I live my life. It takes longer. But, people who spend time with me and people who have known me for years see the change AlAnon has brought to my life. If someone asks (often in frustration) why I am not upset or frustrated, or whatever, I hear that as an invitation to share how I am dealing with a situation and how my thoughts regarding that situation impact my approach. Usually there is a slogan or two in there, but definitely some AlAnon learning. I don't feel like I need to bring people to the rooms, I just tell them that I go if they ask, or if it comes up in conversation. (What are you doing tonight? Well, it's Thursday, so I'm going to my AlAnon group.) People will come when they are desperat enough - it has to be their choice, I think. I can share my Alanon learning with friends and family through example and when I am asked without dragging anyone to a meeting. If they get curious enough, they will find their own way to the program.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
When Al-Anon relieved me of my desperation, and 98% of my chaos, I too wanted to tell everyone what helped me! So when asked, I freely tell. But like Freetime, I find that just being that "good listener" for friends who need it, is the best way to go for me. I will many times ask, "How can I be of help?"
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Friday MIP! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH and shares. Recovery and my sponsor suggested I needed to change completely - 180 degrees if I really wanted a spiritual life and freedom. Well - I was a right-fighter, know-it-all, Chief Adviser, etc. - you get it! With practicing recovery, I have resigned from all these self-appointed roles, and live freely while allowing others to live and let live!
When tempted to offer unsolicited advice or tell another what they should do, I've been instructed instead to simply say, "How can I be of Service?" This is a way of showing that I care and can help if possible without taking charge, directing or controlling another or the conversation. This was so refreshing to me as I really thought I was showing care/concern/love by offering unsolicited advice and counsel. So often, another just wants to vent or share without being judged or instructed.
I have since learned that those who offer unsolicited advice and counsel suggests a person whose ego demands perpetual reassurance: That it needs to be regularly reminded that its exceptionalsomehow of a higher rank or order than the one whos receiving the advice. Oh.My.God.....this was me before recovery! We've 'seen' them, we know them and we roll our eyes at them....
For me, Step 12 suggests that after I've had a spiritual awakening, I am to carry the message (not the person) when possible/where possible. I love the slogan, "When in Doubt, Don't" - it reminds me always to check my motives, and pause long enough to determine if my words/actions will be helpful or hurtful. In my haste to share the wonderful news of recovery in the past, I have unintentionally caused hurt by suggested others 'needed' something they weren't ready to hear. Lastly, by practicing the program principles in all my affairs, I am as authentic as I can be, no matter who I'm with, what I'm doing, etc. For me, being genuine, of service, and just sharing my ESH when I have any helps me give it away and make room for more growth/change within.
Make it a great day and a better weekend all - (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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