The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i came to AlAnon several years ago truly struggling with who I am and how to live in complete insanity. Life has changed so much that I almost dont remember how crazy I was. I took a minute to look back at old posts and I was one seriously sick lady! Of course we are all works in progress, but I can honestly say life has a completely different feeling to it and drama no longer has a main role in my daily life.
I wanted to update because I believe those who chose to stay with their AH need to know it is possible to find happiness again. AlAnon principles and working really hard are the keys.
Just over four years ago my RAH got sober. It wasnt easy and it wasnt pleasant but I am so overwhelming happy we were able to save our marriage. He was seeped in alcoholism and I was seeped in codependency and insanity! We have now been married 24 years and the last four have been happier than I could imagine...together. Of course I would be lying if I said there were not good and bad days, but the transformation is amazing. AlAnon and AA guide our lives and we individually share our esh when we can.
I do not get involved in his recovery and stay in my lane as much as possible. It was imperative to my survival to learn to Let go of my attempts to control. I seems to me that we (as codependent spouses of As) often try to control people to the point we make them unrecognizable. I was guilty of that! I honestly believe my love was destroying him (or what was left of him the alcohol didnt destroy). Working AA has allowed my RAH to become a better man that I had dreamed possible and I am more accepting of myself and happy in who I am than ever before.
I guess the real purpose of my post is to give encouragement. This program really works if you are willing to give it an honest effort. Dont worry if you cant get everything in the beginning. I was horribly resistant and defensive for a long time, but I found the harder I worked and the more I read the Conference approved literature, the more willing I became to admit I was wrong. I had to change my thinking to Grow. I still find myself using our slogans to help me focus on doing the next right thing.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Your doggie is so cute!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hi doingmybest-I appreciate your share because I am trying my best to keep my marriage to my A who is sober (maybe) and attends OA. We have been together for nearly 28 years and there are so many complicating factors. Ups and downs are constant and Im given the opportunity to practice my tools daily.
Although I dont know yet if the marriage can make it, thanks to alanon I know I can make it. Im stronger, happier, more sane, and enjoy many things that prior to alanon I could not. There is hope and it comes in many forms. As long as I am willing to keep on working my program, this too shall pass and I will be fine. Lyne
Great share doingmybest - so, so glad to see you and hear your update! Keep doing what you're doing one day at a time - it looks awesome on you! I too love, love, love your avatar....super, super cute!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thats such an encouraging update! I really needed to hear this, as Im struggling right now just starting the program and trying to live with my AH that Ive been with for 30 years. Thank you for showing that there is hope.
Thank you all so very much! Im happy to be of service and so pleased you like the avatar. She is one of our rescues and a large part of our family now. The unconditional love of a rescue pup makes for a warm part in my heart. We have four and I love them all.
Im so happy someone was able to find inspiration and hope in my message. I honestly didnt believe there was any way to save my marriage back then and wasnt sure I wanted to, but Alanon gave me the ability to just live one day, one hour, one minute at at time and that was what it took to get through the bad times. I wouldnt change any of it for the world now because we are so much stronger as a couple and now I understand my roll in a way I never could before. It really can work out if you work it.
