The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday , June 3, speaks about being powerless over this disease. The author says we can be provoked or accused by alcoholics, who create diversions away from themselves. We are reminded not to react, or argue, or defend ourselves. Trying to create a defense against active alcoholics or otherwise irrational people is fruitless. Only a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.
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I have the opportunity to practice stepping away and avoiding engagement all too often. However I am getting better and better at protecting myself and not getting caught up in useless and energy draining battles which cannot be won. As I practice my tools I become stronger and wiser, and I prefer to focus on myself and other serene people. I lean on HP everyday, and speak to Him every morning. Alanon works if I work it, Lyne
It is hard at first to truly accept that you are completely powerless over the disease. "If I was more of this, or better at that..." "If only I could make him listen to reason" made up of much of my thinking. I was constantly JADE'ing b/c I thought if he would just understand, this would all get better! LOL!
One day in the rooms, I heard someone explain the true definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I had heard this definition before, but this time, it was very applicable to co-dependent thinking. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off! This disease was making me insane! I then came to have a deeper understanding of why they call this a "Family disease."
I think for me, true ACCEPTANCE is what was the most difficult for me. Oh, I knew it in my head, but my Ego kept wanting to do something else! LOL!
Today I am much better at accepting that I am powerless over people and most things. I try very hard to understand what is within my Hula Hoop and stick to that. If I falter, I ask forgiveness where needed, and ask my HP to guide me the rest of the way.
I can't believe it is the first week of June already! "June Gloom" in full force here...
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Lately I have been thinking about not picking up that rope to argue or defend or try to explain and reason ONE MORE TIME. Ive been visualizing the tug of rope laying on the floor and letting it sit there. Sometimes that rope stands up and gyrates in my face, but I have been better recently at not touch it. It truly is fruitless and insane to keep at what isnt going to change! I can change my response, or better yet, non-response.
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily! Today for me has been one of 'those days' were I felt I was continually offered the rope - and not just with the diseased people I love....I could go on but you all know what I am talking about - someone stole a parking spot I was waiting for, folks cut in front of me in the grocery line, etc. Each time, I can tell you the 'want' to react and 'right-fight' came up within me and each time, I paused long enough to realize in the grand scheme of life, these were really small situations.
I am grateful that we learn about powerlessness in our recovery and are given tools to respond vs. react! In the past, a series of events like today would have affected me negatively all.darn.day....and possibly beyond! Today, I can just let it go, hope for better and then continuing growing, learning, being and changing!
I hope everyone had a lovely Monday....our microwave died on Saturday, got a new one ordered yesterday, got it picked up and installed today! Glad to have that taken care of - on to important things - a play date tomorrow with the little guys in my life!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
