The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about moving away from chaos and into serenity. Like the writer, I didnt even acknowledge that I was living in chaos. When I came to alanon I began to notice when people said they were addicted to chaos. I remember many years ago, when I was still in the marriage to my a, having a kind of relief when I knew a binge was taking place because I knew the predictability of it. What I didnt realize was I actually appreciated the predictability of the ups and downs of the roller coaster.
Just as the writer notes, going to meetings, sharing with others, working the steps all brought me away from the craziness and toward serenity. Rather than the boredom I was afraid would be associated with being serene, its been eye opening. Theres a lot more room in my life for what I want because I have removed being consumed with someone elses life.
The chaos of living with active alcoholism is living on someone elses terms, all the time. The excitement of living in serenity is living my own life on lifes terms (my own life!).
Good morning Mary- Loved this reading as I too lived in chaos and did not even know it . i did develop an ulcer at the time but felt my life hsd nothing to do with this Entering alanon i learned to be honest, and keep the focus on myself. I found others who acted as I did and had developed "Denial" to protect themselves..
i grew by attending meetings, working with a sponsor and embraced the slogans , steps and the concept of q a a Higher Power. I am ever so grateful that I kept coming back.
Good morning MIP! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you and Betty for your shares and ESH. I do love seeing both your smiling faces - makes my heart smile. I too was living in chaos and wasn't aware. I recall clearly a moment in early recovery when I realized my mind was 'clear' and I wasn't obsessing over the disease or the diseased....I almost panicked as there were few and far between fleeting moments before this that my mind was not projecting, planning, plotting, predicting, etc.
Shortly after, I came to the realization that I had fear of serenity - fearing I would not have a 'purpose' if I chose Serenity! This was how distorted my thinking was and how compelling my ego suggested I had power over other people, places and things. It took me a while to believe, embrace and understand that Serenity was a gift and I was worthy. This gift came to me by what's suggested - working this program as best I could/can, living the steps in all my affairs, believing in a HP that could restore me to sanity, etc.
I really like this reading as it shows how it works when we work it. Make it a great Sunday all - off to a meeting, golfing, and not sure what beyond that!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Mary for your service and valuable thoughts today!
Oh, I knew I lived in chaos...but never knew why until I found out I lived alongside Addiction. I had always (and sometimes still do - I am not perfect) believed that I just wasn't "Enough." I overcompensated in everything I did... trying to be enough - wife, mother, volunteer, worker. I held onto perfectionism as a way to control the uncontrollable! LOL!
I must say that Fear kept me in the cycle I was in. And yes, there was a weird type of "comfort" in the predictability of the disease... or maybe the unpredictability of it. I am not sure! I only know that I did not value myself enough to stop accepting the unacceptable. It wasn't until I actually worked the program a second time, did I begin to put value on myself, learn that perfectionism wasn't a true path for me, and really began to understand what I could and couldn't accept from this disease.
"The chaos of living with active alcoholism is living on someone else's terms, all the time. The excitement of living in serenity is living my own life on life's terms (my own life!)."
I highlighted Mary's quote b/c I feel it is very important. Without knowledge on a better way, it is too easy to be completely consumed by our efforts to live on our addicted loved one's terms, and not our own.
Here in Cali, we are fully entrenched in "June gloom." Makes me sleepy and low energy. But I enjoyed my Bulletproof coffee, watched the birds in my yard, & marveled at two baby Lesser Goldfinches begging from their parents who were trying to teach them how to eat from the feeder! So, all good!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
