It sounds like you're recognizing the fragility of your state at the moment and that's great. Gives you an opportunity to be gentle with yourself and also be aware of your behaviors around others (ie: leaking).

I have anxiety at times saying goodbye to people, too. It's an attachment thing for me at times - a fear of losing something I "have" and what will end up filling that space when that person is no longer around. Depending on the circumstances, too, I sometimes wonder if I was a good person to be around, or maybe I feel some jealousy at their departure (like they're moving forward and I'm still stuck), etc. etc. It's all stuff I have to work out through prayer, meditation, and using my other Al-Anon tools like talking with my sponsor, etc.

I'm glad it sounds like you're allowing yourself to just feel what you have to feel. Remember feelings aren't wrong. It's what we do with our feelings that can lead us to either regret or serenity.

Much support to you.

 ... ... Serene... I find that tears- are much more acceptable these days- in amongst people we know well- especially...   ...

I'm sorry you are having to say goodbye to your friend at work. It really is a comfort when you find someone who gets you, who will have your back and look forward to seeing on the job. It's nice that the departure is under positive circumstances and you're happy for her. So I'm guessing the big finish is tomorrow and you're fearing the unknown, all kinds of unknowns.. how you'll feel and react on her last day, the first day coming in and not seeing her at work and what the workplace will be like for you without her there. Already feeling the grieving and maybe you're even a bit angry that she's going because of course you're going to miss her. 

Maybe you're both on the path to some new discoveries huh? Her with her hubby now that she is leaving the company and you because maybe hp feels you're ready for a new experience. It's nice when we know we'll be in contact with our old friends at work again. I still see a few and catch up. One I'm closer with now than we were as coworkers. She became a true friend of four years now. 

Funny how we worry about shedding tears in front of others. A coworker with a beautiful voice favored us with a song last week when we finished work. I'd never heard her singing voice. She's actually a professional singer. The song she sang was so poignant and her voice so beautiful, I cried. I was the only one crying. Yes, I looked around. I felt vulnerable and concerned about being judged. I was able to brush away that faulty thinking much more quickly than years ago. I felt gratitude in the moment, what a gift to have heard her and to be moved by the beauty of her voice and the words. 

I hope tomorrow is a wonderful day of celebration for you and your friend at work. No doubt it'll feel a little sad but you're really only taking your friendship to another level now. She just isn't going to be at the workplace. Cry a river if you need to. She might too. Of course you can find something humorous to share and give her a gag gift of some sort to take with her. That can help lighten things a bit. Showing her how much you care with your tears I've no doubt will touch her and be the best gift.. knowing she made a true friend on the job. (((hugs))) TT

Thinking of you today...(((((Serenity))))

She left yesterday and there were tears. I think what I'm struggling with is the last time I said goodbye to someone older than me I wound up saying the last goodbye. So this is bringing up a bunch of stuff with my sponsor, it's all good stuff it's just stuff to deal with.

The good news is she's been texting already on their adventure. It really is exciting stuff who hasn't ever wanted to sell it all and travel in a 5th wheel around the country? This is a long term dream for them and I am thrilled they are living it. It gives me hope that I can dream and it gives me hope that I can keep doing what I need to do in order to get through things.

I don't feel well and haven't for a few days. So I am going home taking cold medicine and sleeping. I will throw pizza at the minions that are home and call it a complete night. I'm sure I will be up at butt crack ohundred however well worth it if it means I get some good sleep and I can shut my brain off.

It seems like I might have a fever at this point I am just going to keep on keeping on for another hour.

:)

(((Serenity))) - hope you feel better soon! How awesome that your friend is chasing a dream and texting you updates! That made me smile big-time!