The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A little late today, but better late than not at all
Today's Reading in Courage to Change is about strengths and secret fears.
The author shares that they were afraid in the past that if they ever took the time to really look at themselves, they would find that their secret fears were confirmed - they would see that they were hopelessly flawed and unworthy. Through working the steps in Al-Anon, the author discovered that what they found instead was the truth of their inner beauty. THe author concludes with the knowledge that, as a child of HP, they are all that they need to be: loving, lovable, and splendid.
Today's Reminder: Today I will take some time to strengthen my relationship with my Higher Power. This will bring me closer to seeing the truth as my ally and recognizing my own inner loveliness.
Today's Quote: "I now choose to rise above my personality problems to recognize the magnificence of my being. I am totally willing to learn to love myself." Louis L. Hay
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Like the author, I approached step work with fear - I was afraid that I would find that my worst fears about my core self would be true. Today, I see myself as I really am - learning, growing, becoming my best version of myself. Mistakes and missteps will happen - they provide me the opportunity and gift of growth. They do not define me, as I once feared. I am thankful for AlAnon for helping me learn that I am worthy, loving, and lovable. With this knowledge, I can open my heart to the lessons and growth opportunities my HP provides for me.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
One of the many aspects I love about this program is it strips out the guilt and fear from my life.
I was also convinced that there was something about me that was "not enough", and that my mistakes would be brandished against me. Of course this fear arose because when I grew up I was surrounded by people who were more than willing to guilt me and shame me. I already thought I was garbage. Hearing it from other people further validated that ill opinion of myself. It would demoralize me and send me further back behind my protective walls I had built.
The alcoholic in my life played the guilt game with me well. I was "shoulded" on a lot. I was told how I was supposed to feel. I was told how terrible I was if I made any mistakes.
Al-Anon is a gentle program. It doesn't tell me I must feel guilty and ashamed of myself for my mistakes. Even if I keep making them. It helps me build a loving, trusting relationship with a Higher Power, and when I have that relationship no amount of guilt or shame bestowed upon me by others will hold any meaning to me because I know my truth deep down.
I get to take one day at a time doing the best I can in each given moment.
It taught me to ask the important question "Who do I want to be in this situation?" and from there allowed me to make decisions for myself that would not disrupt my serenity, but also held its arms open to me for when I stumbled. I wasn't told "you should have known better." I was just asked to keep coming back.
Like you, skorpi, this program helped me to learn that I was worthy and lovable.
Mahalo Skorpi and Aloha for the ESH which led me on to excitement again. Yes Excitement because when I first truthfully got around others in recovery doing the inventory steps, the get to know JerryF steps I was so interested in learning real stuff about myself and who I was. My sponsor also led me on to the "What I was" inventory that affected much of the understanding.
I am living off of the "What" understanding presently to help me behave in the proper manner within my atmospheres. God this program is huge so I can keep falling back on it daily.
I believed that fear and anger were two sides of the same coin.
I saw anger more in people around me. I expect it what was what I grew to expect... ...
I looked at the queen's head on the coin and felt, maybe that my Hp resided within- the coin.
and that I might find balance there- within. [Just random thoughts merging this morning.]
[These days I am not so afraid and will ask a reader, or a chair to read back over a reading. And I have gone back over today's reading.]
With regular meetings- and sharing; the secrets do emerge. And the power they have over the fear and anger slowly wither away. To be replaced with love and compassion. Empathy even.
Fear and anger never ever go away... but the power that they hold does. How we channel these, and all the emotions determines how our lives go... moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.
I don't think I could live with a make believe Hp. I do belong to a regular religious organisation. But this secret takes the place of the fear:- I belong to Alanon too- and this taps me into all sorts of exciting and challenging experiences- with people like myself. ...
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily! Thanks to all for the great shares and ESH above me. As others have pointed out, I too had some fear about step work - I had no clue who I was and truly felt that removing the top layers of 'me' would result is a failure! That was so not what happened, and for that, I am grateful. My fear was part of the pattern of unhealthy, insane thinking I had carried around for so long - as long as I can remember.
I make an effort every day to align and grow in my relationship with the God of my understanding. I remind myself in my morning prayer and meditation that I am loving, loved and lovable. The God of my understanding is a gentle, loving entity that truly wants me to be happy, joyous and free. I am only expected to live one day at a time, the best I can, being of service to others and practicing unconditional acceptance.
It's been a long day. As an imperfect human, I woke up this morning and then realized it's my AH's birthday! I had to add to my plans - gather some nice steaks for the grill, get a card, bake a pie, etc. So - I was able to still do 'me' - my golf fitness class, play-day with new grand-puppy, round of golf and recognize the birthday of my guy!! I must be having too much fun - this is the first time I've ever forgotten his birthday!!! It's been a lovely day and all is well - without the preplanning and 'perfect gift'! I hope everyone had a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Skorpi, and Aloha...
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