The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wife just got back from having lunch with my daughter-in-law at Subway Sandwich and while I got a copy of my most famous Chinese Chicken Sandwich I also got the news past, present and future.
My HP is sitting with me at this keyboard doing it's very best at keeping myself spiritually level and calm. Our daughter-n-law a child from within this disease also carries the sick news and well she should. I will not JADE or dwell on the latest progression of the disease. I will sit with my Higher Power and continue to practice letting the insanity we all know about travel from my hands to HP's.
I think about the future including our great grandchildren and pray, wish, hope they and others I am not clued into can find release and escape from the insanity we all know about.
This morning in prayer I imagined an end to the disease that has robbed us all of the peace of mind and serenity we would rather experience than what we have been given. I watched the affects of sobriety touching other's lives as I went about morning tasks and listened to the happiness and joy from anther sober brother bubble about coming up on 20 years...God I know that feeling as I also know this one.
I am powerless and cannot and will not be able to fix this destruction. I can and will repeat and duplicate what works as I have learned it in the rooms and her from the elders who taught me and continue to teach me what and how to surrender myself to God as I understand God and admit my faults to Him as I understand Him.
I am going to cut this off now because I learned I could never ever get and keep my alcoholic/addict wife sober and clean by ranting, raving, physically abusing her or anything else. I will be grateful for the miracles I have had and seen others have and hold on to the hem of HP's cloak. Breathe, Pray, Smile. ((((Hugs))))
Thanks Betty thinking that I could be an inspiration to my sick and sad family has to be converted from thought in to prayer and to direct that prayer toward the right direction. HP knows and I know that HP knows so I will up my faith and get into being calm.
My Third Step prayer is, "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do". That is a dependency prayer.
Thank you Jerry, I really needed this today, to hear your words and know im not alone and my family is not alone in the destruction of this disease. Its such a persistent disease and consequences keep coming. Its got my son right now and is giving him a good hard shake and the impact on his family and our family is devastating and what can we do? Nothing, just not assist it in its progression and set an example. Thats why i am in this program for life because if it wasnt for Alanon i would be mixed up in it all, fullly centre position with my 'help' and my fixing and controlling and on and on it goes.
Your the elder to me Jerry and its good to come here and see you still sharing and giving and showing what we can be. Thank youx
(((Jerry))) - thank you for the powerful, honest share. I hear you and can relate. This disease rages on, in spite of me, my recovery and my hope in my family as well. I've been praying deeply this week as it's active in my mother and my son and there's some indication my other son is in a bad place. The answer that just keeps coming to me over and over is that I am powerless over the disease, but I can continue to focus on my own self/recovery, and just be an example.
So, I sit here on a beautiful Friday morning in the middle of the US being grateful for the sun, the lovely weather, my health, my family and my program. I am present and ready to go where I am led and I remain hopeful for all who need recovery, all who are in recovery and all who are loving/supporting another in recovery. Just for today, I hope for peace for all! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mahalo family for your ESH and prayers. I will revert to them now and not the anxiety and pain that is just within reach. I am remembering the miracles that have occurred in my own life as a result of our program of recovery and each and every time I have Aha'ed because my fears have been replaced with love. Yes I know and accept I am also powerless. Keeping my mind out of and off of the sick memories of the journey which actually we are still on is the work. Mahalo HP for staying at my side. I will stay out of their stuff and away from finding out and reaching through the insanity and just turn this over.
I am so sorry what brought you to write, but thank you for the share. Your family is very lucky to have you and your relationship with your HP for their benefit. Sending prayers!
I am so sorry for your pain and anxiety. I am hoping that today you are more at peace. Thank you for your posts on this thread... from you I keep getting nudged about how to live my life letting go and letting HP handle the rest.
I am grateful.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
This morning I am more hopeful from practicing letting go and detachment. Exercising the behavior of letting go brings positive consequences. I am heading off to a meeting and the fellowship that cares and shares their experiences, their strengths and their hopes which I can listen to and practice myself. Of course Higher Power is traveling with me which increases my confidence. Not looking for perfection just peace of mind and serenity where and when my mind and spirit get quiet.
I hear you Jerry- we have six grandkids- aged from 7 to 16 years old. I would like to think they will have a better life- and maybe be a bit more immune to addiction. There is no way of knowing yet. I have my hopes and dreams... he miharo ana...
Mahalo David for the hope. I texted my Grandson (affected by the family) just to let him know he was being thought of and not mentioning the sadness and sickness the family is being affected by and then let him go back to work as a single dad separated from his kids and alcoholic/addict wife who is trying.
Mahalo HP for the connection and for keeping my hands off. (((Hugs)))
So glad that you are feeling a bit more peace by practicing detachment and letting go! I also went to a meeting this morning, and ended up at one last night with a sponsee. I get more hope for my own kids and my grandkids as I see more and more younger people surrendering their fight from this disease. Both last night and this morning, they were present and in the right place, just for the day.
It is my hope that all affected by this disease find their way to recovery of some kind. There are several options including the 12 Step and I am not biased - any/all recovery efforts are better than no recovery efforts. I do always feel as if the God of my understanding plants me where I can be of service and some times, that is just being 'there' in support of others in recovery.
Today, there was a funeral service for another lost to the disease. I did not go as I did not know the gal well. She leaves behind 2 daughters and a variety of grandchildren. Her daughters have not found Al-Anon and are angry - with their mother, with God, with the disease and AA - feeling the program failed their mother. I am sad for all who loved this gal (Ann) and who are missing her and I am reminded again how powerless I am. My best tool is prayer for peace, forgiveness and understanding.
Take good care brother. Keep being you and doing what you are led to do. You are a shining example of what recovery looks like and can be like. Attraction rather than promotion just popped into my brain....you could be on a poster!!! (Ha.ha.ha.ha. - a little humor from your sis!) (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
