The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading points out that in Al-Anon, each person speaks only for himself or herself. There is no one authority and it isn't assumed that everyone has had the same experience or the same feelings. Nevertheless, each one of us can share our unique experience and listen for what we have in common. We listen to individuals and take what is useful to us. The author says, "I look at sharing as an opportunity to see myself more clearly."
Today's reminder: Today I will speak for myself, secure in the fact that I am supported by a fellowship of men and women who understand as perhaps few others can.
Quote from Why Anonymity in Al-Anon: "Our recovery is reflected in our ability to tell our own story -- not that of an alcoholic or another Al-Anon or Alateen."
What jumped out to me from today's reading is that when we learn in Al-Anon to speak only about our own experience, it is not just that we avoid giving advice or avoid focusing on other people. I get the message that my experience is valuable. When I share it, as difficult as that might be, not only does it ease my burden, but it might help someone else. The guideline to speak only of my experience reminds me that my experience is worth being listened to, and that supports my self-esteem.
when I started in Alanon my life seemed really messy, and my emotions were dead. Looking back I grasped the basics fairly fast- but it didn't change my state of mind right away. I believe I ended up with a group of peers, and equals- this gave me a sense of identity and purpose. I think that sticking to the basics- we can offer opinions- if asked- but we do not give advice... ...is a really good one.
Sometimes I tend not to cross-talk- even if the group is okay with that. Learning to listen, and to listen well was the gift.
Sometimes i would hear stories that were far worse than mine. Other times my situation seemed just so impossible. I found the criss-crossing backwards and forwards over this territory became very healthy. It gave me a sense of balance, and identity.
Yes, and the point you make is right- my own sharing is and was worth listening too. I was, and still am, a worthwhile person.
Good Morning Freetime It is certainly a gift to attend alanon and find everyone speaking about themselves with - no gossip or advise giving This did take a little getting use to. I am impressed with the principles that promote this healthy communication. "Listen to learn" and" keep an open mind" are my go to tools as I attend meetings.
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all above me for your ESH and shares! Happy Friday to one and all. When I arrived, I didn't know how to talk about me, as a stand-alone person. I had worn many hats - daughter, sister, wife, mother, employee, etc. and I really believed deep down that how I felt and where I was was aligned with my hats!
What Al-Anon has given me is the ability to focus on just me. Other people, places and things around me have a 'life of their own' - it is my reactions and response to those events that define me - not the hat I am wearing. Today, I try to just be authentic 'me' - separate from others, not aligned with events and focused on what I can do to be of service.
I also today have a clearer view of my reality and my life. I can decide each day, one day at a time, to be true to me and practice acceptance. Life is full of imperfect people and things happen - today I know that it's not because of me, aimed at me or about me. It just is! I really love the quote as I have been taught by my sponsor to tell my story without shaming/blaming others. Meetings are a great place to practice our tools yet the freedom of being able to practice them outside of the rooms is priceless!
Off to golf in a while and loving that the sun is shining brightly today! Make it a great day MIP family!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Freetime and for all who have shared. As in the F2F meetings, coming to this board provides many different experiences and perspectives. It is a relief to know there is not an authority, not a pace we must follow, not a share we must agree with or like. We can" take what we like and leave the rest." I try to keep an open mind and listen for what I find helpful. There tends to be subtle cross-talk at my home meeting and I think it is because we can so relate to what another is sharing. However, the meetings are a refuge from all the "you shoulds."
Happy Friday! I have a tough day ahead....full of appointments and chores I am not looking forward to. However, I know I can't go around it.....I have to go through it to get through it. Words of wisdom from my last F2F meeting.
Good morning all, and thank you Freetime for your service.
Thanks to one and all who have shared their wisdom. I move forward in my day, knowing that I have acquired a little more knowledge, a little more positivity!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks FT and for all above shares. This is an important reading and one that took me awhile to accept and then practice. But when I read it today I thought thank God I no longer try to fix my A. It is truly a relief to me and has helped my mental health. The part about knowing what I think and feel is valuable, but it doesn't have to be told as long as I know it, is so helpful, Lyne
...