The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Detachment -- that is the topic of today's reading. The writer has come to believe that detachment might sound cold and heartless, but that it actually is loving, because it recognizes that our loved ones have the privilege to be themselves. By intervening in another's struggles, we interfere with their opportunity to discover the joy and self-confidence that come from personal achievement.
It is painful to watch someone suffer, but our attempts to rescue them often are because we want to avoid our own pain. But experiencing our own feelings can lead to our growth, and knowledge that others can grow as well. That is the gift of detachment.
Today's Reminder: Sometimes it is more loving to allow someone to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it is painful for us both. In the long run, both of us will benefit. Today I will put love first in my life.
Quote from In All Our Affairs: "All I have to do is keep my hands off and turn my heart on."
I think detachment is such a huge topic. To me it is the soul of Al-Anon recovery, so important and yet so difficult. When I first heard about detaching with love, I thought that was impossible for me.
At various times with various people, I have detached with anger, indifference, and -- yes -- love or compassion. The tool that I like best is to remember that my loved ones have their own higher power, and it isn't me. It has taken time and work to get to this point.
It also helps me to remember that I don't like to be controlled or micromanaged, so probably others don't like it either. I do need to feel safe and to have self-worth, but those feelings come from my own inner strength gained from my accomplishments and my higher powers, not from being controlled.
When someone behaves with kind detachment toward me, it is empowering. I remember a time when I asked one of my undergrad professors if he thought I would be able to handle graduate school. He said, "You'll land on your feet." Trusting that someone will eventually land in a good place -- but not knowing or controlling how they will get there -- seems like detachment.
Freetime thanks for this powerful reminder.. I believe detachment is a great tool as it keeps me in my own hula hoop and allows me to mind my own business.-- which is what program is all about . Thanks for your service
David, I have had the same thought about "Participation is the key to harmony." We discussed that Concept in my meeting this past week, and what came up for me was how getting involved in service helps my state of mind -- because "When I Got Busy I Got Better" (another Al-Anon book title). I guess I would call it Active Detachment -- replacing an unhelpful obsession with something healthier.
I think of Detachment as a temporary solution with Addiction... but it is a permanent practice with Co-dependent issues in myself!!!
Meaning: I could not live in Detachment with my spouse... but I use Detachment almost daily with my son, co-workers, and my parents who are having serious health issues currently!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH! I know that I believed that detachment was cold/unloving when I first heard the term at first. I also viewed as detaching with love as impossible for me. Both of these perceptions were real to me then as I had distorted thinking and had been negatively impacted by this disease! I know now that detaching with love has truly set me free. Allowing others to be who they are is the gift that keeps on giving - for me and them. I am grateful that I am able to just be me and safe enough in my own skin to recognize that what others are doing or saying has nothing to do with me, and has everything to do with them.
Today, I truly feel peace in trusting that the God of my understanding truly wants everyone to be happy, joyous and free. We each get to define that for ourselves and the path will have bumps, detours and round-abouts. Nobody has a better or worse journey than I - we all have our own. When I stay on my side of the street and offer loving support when asked, life is good! When I cross the street and intervene, I am not only disrupting another's journey, I am disrupting my own as well.
For me, being able to detach with love and accept others as they are in this moment has saved my sanity. I no longer spend my resources (time, energy, emotions) on overthinking others' behaviors or words, directing others, managing others, condemning others, judging others, discussing others. My life is plenty full living in the present and working on self-growth, self-love, self-awareness and of course - my golf game!! (Ha.ha.ha.)
Happy Friday MIP family! Make it a great weekend!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
