The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author reflects on the experience they had in an AlAnon meeting with completing this sentence: "If only ___________ would happen, I would be happy." Initially, the author and many group members completed this phrase with things like "The alcoholic would stop drinking" or "My loved one would handle sobriety differently." There were also a variety of statements about the economy, politics, finances, work, etc. After a while, the AlAnon group realized that they were putting their happiness on hold, waiting for something to happen that was outside of their control. The group applied the first step, recognizing that they are powerless over things outside of their control. Many people at the meeting decided to surrender their "if onlys" to HP. this allowed them to stop acting like victims and stop waiting for things to change. They were able to take a more active role in seeking happiness in the here and how.
Today's reminder: There are many areas of my life that I cannot change. What I can change is my attitude. Today I can accept my life as it is. I can be grateful and happy, here and now, with what I have.
Today's Quote: "Life holds so much -- so much to be so happy about always. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can be felt only if you don't set conditions." Arthur Rubinstein.
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When I first came to Al-Anon, I thought that I could be happy if only my wife would stop drinking. Over the years, I have come to the realization that my happiness is up to me. I can do things that make me happy, spend time doing activities I enjoy, dedicate time to developing friendships with positive people - in short, I can decide how happy or unhappy I am. Once in a while, I find myself falling into old thought patterns - If only my wife wouldn't relapse, if only she'd be honest about her relapses, if only she'd go to meetings, etc.... But thanks to the program, I have tools I can use to pull myself out of these thought patterns, and instead focus my attention on what I am doing to make myself happy today.
Today, I am happy to say that we are as fully moved out of the old house as we are going to get, and I've turned the keys in. I am thankful today that, although the new house is in a state of total disorganized chaos, I don't have to worry about timelines and getting things out of the old house anymore. I can focus my attention on getting the new house set up - putting things away, figuring out why we don't have hot water, finding a stove
I hope you make today a great day!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily! I love this ready as I was a big, "If Only................then..............." person when I arrived. I spoke of unconditional love and acceptance, yet step work revealed that to be an area for improvement. Talking the talk vs. walking the walk really came to be a huge part of my journey with step work, practice of the program and praying for acceptance, patience, etc.
I no longer wish or want for anything beyond the God of my understanding's love, direction and guidance. I include many people in my daily prayers, asking only for them to be Happy, Joyous and Free as I do believe that's the master plan for all of us. What I know now is that when I am authentic, present in the moment, open and accepting to what is and spiritually aligned, my joy and serenity are highest. If/when I allow my ego and/or self-will to enter, I disrupt that equation, and experience fear, worry, anxiety, judgement, etc.
I am grateful I stayed around recovery long enough to experience and witness many miracles! I am delightfully surprised each day with God's grace and truly believe the best is yet to come. I love that recovery taught me that I am totally responsible for my happiness and I have choices each day, many times a day to keep or give my power away to other people, places and things.
Happy Hump Day to all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Scorpi and IAH. The reading and the shares are of course, my story too. If only my spouse would stop drinking, if only the kids would get along again with her, etc., etc., etc.
Now I look to myself for my happiness and having good days. I am the only one I have a chance of having control over, so along with HP I need to make the best of it, and I can! Lyne
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily!
You cannot know how much this is helping me... understanding that my happiness is within ME!
I have been struggling as of late. The last couple of weeks I have been challenged with Life - all of it expensive! Each time, I used my tools and broke free of my mindset. Yesterday I was done, however. I left work only to find my car was towed from the parking lot my boss had told me "everyone uses." According to her, this is the first time in 7 YEARS this has happened. Not only did I have to find a way home, but a ride into LA to the impound yard. The fee was $435.00!!! I went to bed feeling beat down and quite frankly devoid of happiness and hope. I literally fell asleep both crying and trying to recite my many blessings I currently have!
I awoke today still stuck in the "Why me?" frame of mind. I mean, I am working so hard on myself... why all the bad JUJU lately?
Your post and the quote has helped me. I revisited my Gratitude List and I am realizing that I can CHOOSE to be happy - right here, right now, regardless of what God throws at me - or I can wallow in the "Why me's." It's MY choice.
I am choosing Happiness today!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
One of the big things I had to change about myself was my belief that happiness only arrived from external circumstances. I hadnt realized it but my motto used to be:
YOU change so I can finally feel OK
That belief put me in a position of misery and victimhood.
I got personal power back in my life when I finally started looking to myself for change and happiness.
The COURAGE to change said it all for me when I was learning and accepting that what my sponsor taught me about "choices" was extremely truthful and necessary. I truly am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions. The choices are mine at all times. Happiness is a consequence of my choice to either be or not be happy. I have learned that surprising awareness inside of our program of the Al-Anon Family Groups and the meeting rooms and MIP.
Thank you all again...that is a happy statement. (((((hugs)))))
