The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading focuses on "Take what you like and leave the rest." These words show that our program is based on suggestion, not requirements. We as individuals have the power to choose, to disagree, and to work the program in our own time.
Reminder: Because I am able to use whatever I find helpful and leave the rest, I can benefit from the experience, strength and hope of others and still follow my own heart.
Quote from In All Our Affairs: "With the help of this program and my Higher Power, I take charge of fashioning, shaping, choosing what kind of life I will have."
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I think the gentle, non-rigid attitude of our program is so respectful of each member. It recognizes that we have the intelligence to choose what works for us, and the strength to accept the consequences of our choice.
My sponsor told me that members of AA are learning how to save their own lives, and members of Al-Anon are learning how to live. I imagine not everyone would agree with this (take what you like...), but I certainly find my sponsor's view of Al-Anon to be true. An important part of learning how to live is to make choices, to change my approach when what I have been doing isn't working, to respect that others -- including alcoholics -- have their own viewpoint but that I am not required to have the same viewpoint as anyone else.
Choosing what kind of life I will have --- that is a one day at a time job, for me, and I can select the program tools to use each day. Lately my tools are the slogans "How Important Is It" and "First Things First."
Interestingly we don't say "take what you like and argue with the rest." What we don't like in the program, we can leave for others who want it.
Good Morning freetime This basic principle of program has given me permission to attend meetings, listen with an open mind and test what I hear to find a fit. love the freedom afforded by this program.
Thanks for your service.
Thank you Freetime, for your service, and I hope you and Betty are having a wonderful Friday morning!
I just love this concept of the program!! And I agree, Freetime, it is very respectful of our members.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you - in a roundabout way this subject makes me think of Concept 3
"The right of decision makes effective leadership possible"
We each have the right to decide what works best for our own lives so that we can lead our lives appropriately.
I like what is also said along with this in our suggested closing "We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After a while, you'll discover that though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special waythe same way we already love you."
It was so important for me to hear this phrase many times over at meeting closings. It reminded me that I can be compassionate and civil even if I disagree - and that needed to extend outward from not just my meetings but to my home and work life, as well.
Thanks FT for your service and all above shares. I think one aspect of alanon is the right to be myself, whether people like it or don't. Alanon is not a cult, which I used to hear said about 12 step programs in general. Besides for me being allowed to make my own choices, this concept helps me accept others who have a different opinion than mine. Acceptance of my A is a hard lesson, but one I continue to strive to achieve, Lyne
I love this post and the shares as it reminds me of sitting in my starter meetings when I first arrived and hearing and learning very important messages that kept me in the rooms and meetings. I was very very oppositional defiant and not given at that time to listening to the strange messages during the meetings. I was the only guy in a program completely inhabited by females and at first didn't understand and wouldn't either.
Thank Al-Anon's HP for mysteriously bringing me back over and over until the fight was gone. After the fight was gone and my temper relaxed I started to feel blessed meeting to meeting and started growing.
Mahalo ladies and mahalo Freetime for the message. ((((Hugs))))
Happy Friday MIP! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all above me for your shares and ESH. I love what FT's sponsor said about AA vs. Al-Anon. As a member of both, I often explain that AA has helped me manage and understand my relationship with mind-altering substances and Al-Anon has helped me manage and understand my relationship with myself and others. Of course it's not that cut/dry but this helps me see that while I freely accepted I had a disease of alcoholism, I still struggled to see that 'disease' in others...There would be no 'me' to love without AA and there would be less compassion, understanding and serenity for me and those I love without Al-Anon.
I have always loved that Al-Anon is described and practiced as a gentle program, giving each member the freedom to listen, hear and decide what will work best for them. Through practice, trial and error, I am serenely comfortable with what works for me. Whenever I have doubts or become restless, I reach back into my toolbox and look for other/new tools to consider. Not everything I hear makes sense to me when I hear it but if the God of my understanding nudges me accordingly, I have had some shares come from the back of my brain to the front well beyond the first hearing.
When I remain open to change, the answers come - in many different formats! So, so grateful for the right to choose and leave behind for others that which doesn't fit for me. We've had a lovely spring day here, and the golf course was lovely and serene! Tomorrow, I believe my son, his two little ones and I are going to try and 'golf'....I am looking forward to it! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Take what you like and and leave the rest. Uhuh... seems there was a time long ago when people were raming Alanon principals down my throat. My way or the doorway! Seemed to be the motto.
I had come up with the same point of view in my family- far from healing.
But there was warmth and love in Alanon- or, at least, it was much more evident. I seemed to pass through the middle steps myself- not an easy ride.
There is a kind of format where a member asks for opinions- and other members pitch in with their own ESH. I think this is the great thing about "take what you like and leave the rest".
Sometimes members just like to vent-... for me I listen and acknowledge... nod... and usually expect that the a solution will emerge for the member. Sometimes after raising the issue quite a few times.
And- of course-I have been there myself, with bells and whistles.
My old life seemed to be all about burning issues- where I crashed and burned.
Sharing taught me to seek light, rather than heat- with the same issues. Or, warmth, at the very least...
I forgot to mention that to me:" take what you like and leave the rest indicated that even if I did not like one of the principles i should leave it alone, as others might find it helpful.
To me the slogan suggested that I could use the tools that worked for me and leave the rest alone= that worked for me
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