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Post Info TOPIC: Just a lot of sadness


~*Service Worker*~

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Just a lot of sadness


My ex-AH, and my child's dad, died of alcoholism a year ago this season.  He had stopped drinking about six months before, but the side effects were irreversible and one of them got him. 

(Although he was a secretive drinker, we know he was not drinking because he had recently moved and there were no bottles at his new place.  This would have been unheard of formerly - he was never together enough to get rid of bottles.)

Although he was not drinking at the time of his death, his life was not together.  I think he had some neurological damage from the drinking.  He was living in almost tragic conditions.  I didn't realize quite how bad until he died - we were friendly but he kept me at arm's length.

Our child is his only heir and so we have all his stuff that couldn't be thrown out - important papers, heirlooms, etc.  It is boxed up and filling all my storage spaces.

I was trying to go through it and I was just crying too much.  So much potential wasted, so many hopes reflected in his letters and papers and plans. But the lawyer needs me to find certain papers and so I have to do it.  It is pretty overwhelming.

Meanwhile an old friend succumbed to relapse and disappeared, I think to go on binges.  This is someone who had 20+ years of sobriety.  He lost a lot of friends in his relapse, behaving badly, before disappearing.

And now it turns out that two close friends of mine have also succumbed to alcoholism.  I've known both of them since a time when they never even drank.  The signs are not so good for either of them.  Denial, blackouts, etc.  What a powerful, terrible disease.  I wish I could banish addiction from the face of the earth.  So many people that now have to be detached from - a real loss for me and a sad step for them.

It's hard to stay courageous and optimistic right now, with all the sadness and loss around me.

I am heartened by all of us practicing our recovery, whether from alcoholism, from co-dependence, or whatever.  Trying to look at the good side, but sometimes it's hard, you know?  I'm not in crisis or anything, just having feelings.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Mattie,

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It must feel like a great winnowing.

You share a lot of wisdom and recovery and I know it will serve you well.

Blessings,

Temple

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 



~*Service Worker*~

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((Mattie))) you are not alone,  I so understand your pain  and sadness.  This is indeed a dreadful disease.  Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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 I grieve for the person- and the person they might have been...

 some of us are in a network of family and friends where the disease is everywhere... there does seem to be no end to it... cry ...

 I find it healthy to grieve properly- to let it out- and to reach out.

 Unless people do this there is very little hope... aww thanks, Mattie...



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  



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Im so sorry.


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a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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Mattie, it is the nuances that hit me in this disease and perhaps in death itself when all is laid bare and everything falls exactly where it lies. Im so sorry for your loss as it unfolds. The thing I find most heartbreaking of disease, is the dignity it gradually strips from the person. It must have taken some last vestige of stubbornness to not reveal the full extent of decline. You've been left (along with the paperwork load!) reminders of the person beneath the disease, the talented person who you probably always saw in there somewhere. Maybe he never did see it for himself. Now theres a whole picture gifted, parts to be inspired by,both directly and inversely. Sometimes we only get half a life picture. Everything's either all good or all bad and results from the path of pursuit in a half a life picture but a whole life picture reveals the nuances which is what really tells the story . From what I've read of you, ( thoughtful, intellectual, of depth) I can't imagine a narrative not emerging that helps the healing, in its own time. Sadness and feelings are (in my experience) definitely a part of that narrative journey emerging. We can't rush it, just self care ourselves through it. This too shall pass.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Mattie - I too am sorry for your sadness, and can relate to the revealing power of this disease. I am sending you positive thoughts, energy and prayers that you continue to heal from your grief. Healing prayers for your child too - take good care of yourself and him!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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((((Mattie))))
Thank you for your honest and heartfelt share. Addiction is indeed an evil disease!
Wishing you some peace today.

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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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I'm so sorry to hear all of this. Alcoholism just makes me so mad sometimes. I'm glad you're here.

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El


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Hello Mattie.  At times I look around and things seem so bleak.  I allow myself time to brood and sink into my feelings, but try not to linger there for too long.  There are also miracles that have occurred, even if I havent seen one for awhile. I am so sorry you are in this place for now.  We so understand!

Sending you prayers and healing thoughts,

Ellen



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~*Service Worker*~

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((((Mattie)))) that share makes my chest tight from the re-occurring thoughts and feelings having lived with the disease myself.  Early on my sponsor suggested that I find and use everything I could to come to understand our disease which included me signing into college.  I was horrified to learn the information between "a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body" we use to read before our meetings.  

This I decided was much more then just a disease; it was a volunteered for death sentence.  I listened to the stories of many families and individuals caught up within our insanity and inventoried my own experiences over and over before finally arriving at the title of your post here...Just a lot of sadness...and Madness.

The definition of alcoholism we use to read also includes the wisdom, "it can never be cured; only arrested by total abstinence." I cheer when the total abstinence comes during life and touch with sadness and hope when it doesn't.  

Step 2 is part and parcel of my recovery hope as it keeps me focused on sobriety and serenity.   

Thanks for your share.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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Jerry F


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(((Mattie))) Prayers for you and your child as you feel deal and heal from this loss. TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs Mattie....

I think it ends up being a bit of a balance, as we can find our emotions pulled down by witnessing these relapses, but we can also get energized and uplifted by hearing our wondrous stories of perseverance and arresting this disease - both with us AlAnoners, as well as our respective A's.

My ex-AW is a good case in point....  She is over 16 years sober now, and very solid in her program....  she returned to being a good Mom to our two children, and has earned her life back.  She respects her disease a LOT, and knows she is making the right decision, every day, to remain sober. 

 

Regards,

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 

Bo


~*Service Worker*~

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Sadness is OK, it's normal. I've always felt you have to have, experience sadness. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.

When it occurs, when it happens...it comes down to...how do we face it, how do we handle it. Either the sadness is going to consume you...or we get a handle it, feel it, go through it, and then get past it. For me, in my experience...it's about the first three steps. I apply the first three steps to almost every single emotion or feeling I experience...ACCEPTANCE...SURRENDER...LET IT GO.

Sadness is real. You can't go around it, under it, or over it...YOU have to go through it. But you don't have to stop in it, live there and live it. Pain is inevitable...but suffering is optional.

You go through it...and then you are past it.

Be grateful as well. All the best.

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Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs Mattie! I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. You are such a strong person and you have my utmost respect in how you are raising your son, continuing to press on in your own life, and still manage to go through your ex's belongings, papers, etc. It's a HUGE task and one that you did not ask for but it has been thrown in your lap. Sending you serenity prayers, uplifting you in my thoughts, and praying you find peace.

HUGS girl! Love you!

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