The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 4/15, talks about looking for answers from alanon, for all sorts of problems from divorce to finance to emotions. Alanons position is that we must each find our own answers as members suggest meetings, readings, a sponsor, etc.
But one exception exists, in the case of violence or life-threatening situations. Alanon then says to put first things first, by ensuring safety of yourself and your children. It is recommended to leave money and/or keys in a special place in case of emergency. We learn that we deserve to be safe.
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When I was new to program I thought I needed to know if I should divorce, separate, or move to a separate bedroom. I was nearly obsessed with finding the answer to this question as it had been troubling me for months. Of course I learned I had to listen and learn, slow down, take ODAT, and with consistent practice I would get the answer I needed. And for me it did take a couple years to figure this out, but time was not wasted obtaining tools and skills for life.
In the case of safety, I did reach a point where my As drinking and driving could not be tolerated any longer by myself, and that was a turning point in the relationship. I have learned to keep coming back as I will never be perfect at any of this, but I do see progress, Lyne
Good morning Lyne I love the simple fact that alanon members do not give advise but simply suggest meetings, talking to a sponsor and using the tools.The only place where we offer suggestions is when there is violencein the home and that is when we offer the suggestion to leave . Thanks for your service
Good morning MIP - Happy Monday. Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you and Betty also for your ESH and shares. I really, really wanted answers when I arrived and thought/felt I would explode without solutions. I felt I was truly in a battle/war for my life and sanity and lived and survived in a completely reactive mode!
I too had to learn to listen, slow down, learn - rinse and repeat. I did learn that I didn't need immediate solutions, I could practice living vs. existing, One Day at a Time. I learned that I really needed to put myself first to be of maximum service to myself and others, and that I truly was not alone - there was a larger force at work in my life and the universe.
I too am grateful that others are willing to share their Experience, Strength & Hope vs. hard-line advice/answers. The world is full of opinions and 'answers' and for me, finding my own has truly helped rebuild my sanity, my serenity and my self-esteem - all of which were lacking big time when I arrived.
I am grateful today for the program, others who came before me and the many tools we are provided to use as we see fit when needed. I am also grateful there are professionals who can intervene in cases of physical safety concerns/abuse. I had to learn in recovery that it's not my job to advise others, but rather provide gentle, loving support to those in need.
Enjoy your day MIP - make it great!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning, all, and thank you, Lyne, for your share.
I love how our program is not a "one size fits all" or "my way or the highway" approach -- instead it helps us understand that we have choices. I am especially grateful for the priority given to anyone confronted with domestic violence.
I am grateful that today I am not in that situation -- I have been in the distant past -- and happy to know that if I were, the Al-Anon program would support putting my personal safety first.
