The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tomorrow's reading is one I love, love, love! It's about a man who sits under a tree on a beautiful day, not realizing it was full of pigeons. In a short while, the pigeons do what pigeons do, and he shouted at them and stormed away resenting the pigeons as well as their 'business'. He then realized that the birds were merely doing what they do because they are pigeons and not because he was there. He learned to check for pigeons before selecting his seat!!!
Alcoholics are much the same - they are people who drink. They don't drink because of us but because they are alcoholics. Nothing we do will change this fact - guilt trips, shouting, begging, distracting, hiding money or booze or keys, lying threatening or reasoning. We do not cause alcoholism, we can't control it and we can't cure it. We can continue to fight it and lose or we can accept our powerlessness and let Al-Anon help us redirect our energy into recovery instead of fighting the disease.
Reminder: It's not easy to watch someone I love continue to drink, but I can do nothing to stop them. If I see how unmanageable my life has become, I can admit that I am powerless over this disease. Then I can really begin to make my life better.
Quote from How Can I Help My Children?" "It stands to reason that a change in us will be a force for good that will help the entire family."
I laugh each year at this page - no matter how many times I have read it before. It reminds me of me - I ranted, placed blame, and over-reacted frequently before recovery as a result of living with this disease. My patterns and habits were formed over a life-time - with loving parents who were untreated ACoA(s) and perfectionists continuing on into my own disease/recovery/family of addiction. If I wasn't trying to fix or control everyone/everything, I was in a reactive position of perpetual JADE'ng - Justifying, Arguing, Defending or Explaining. I was worn out and so broken!
Today, it's the quote that speaks to me more than before as this has been my experience. My entire family has benefited by my recovery and they've not knowingly changed. I say knowingly because I do believe we teach others how to treat us and talk to us, and I no longer engage with unacceptable, controlling, crazy-making behavior/discussions. I have learned that I have the choice to not respond, walk away or request a continuance until a future date. As I've gotten healthier, so have my boundaries and with trial/error, they are mostly respected. We talk more as adults than crazy people screaming to be heard. They have seen change over the years, and things are much calmer than before.
I am grateful for my recovery, my sponsor, my program, MIP and my HP who gives me lessons daily intending to guide my growth. I hope everyone has a great tomorrow - I am doing some sheet-rock repair at my son's, have a couple meetings and errands - a busy day planned. Make it awesome all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I also love this reading. I still at times have trouble remembering to not take my AHs drinking and behaviors personally! He is is doing what alcoholic do! No, it is not easy to watch and with the help of alanon, I am learning (and re-learning) to take my focus off him and put it on me.
A great day to all. I had some minor surgery yesterday and wont be able to venture out to enjoy our 60 degree temps today. Oh well, still grateful for so much!
Great Reminder IAH. I must always remember to: keep the focus on myself, examine my motives and embrace Alanon's principles to QTIP.. Thanks for your continued service
Yes, great reminder! Thank you for your service. I used to take things so personally before program... even things that had nothing to do with addiction. I was helping to make myself feel "crazy!"
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
. I used to take things so personally before program...
((((((((((((((PnP)))))))))))))))))) I had to stop by and say "I hear ya" on this one....I thought the bad weather was due to some "defect" in me...Like why did HP water the flowers on MY day to mow the yard..yea, HP "had it in for me"...LOL...Oh yea, NOW I do a quickie step 10 b4 I take anything personally and I ask me on top of that now "Just HOW important is it anyway?????" HUGS
(((Ellen))) - prayers for a speedy recovery from your surgery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great approach Ellen! When I had my appendectomy, as I was leaving the hospital, I realized I slept more in my couple of days there than I had in a long, long while.....I found that something to be grateful for in the middle of the whole darn thing!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
