I know that I have changed and continue to change when I see that my actions are causing me or another pain   This means i needed to become honest with myself and embrace   Alanon tools  that are extremely beneficial for me in the process.  Letting go and Letting God helps

We can certainly generate self-fulfilling prophecies. I've also heard the phrase "If you argue for your limitations you get to keep them."

For me this is an example of how my obsession can turn small things into giant catastrophes. The more focus I give something, the bigger it gets in my life. If I don't want change, I can keep telling myself that change is hard or impossible. If I desire change then focusing on that desired change is the way to go instead of worrying about how hard that change might be.

However, many of us first come into this program not even realizing we actually HAVE choices. We feel like we're forever victims of circumstance and that our behaviors are just a simple natural reaction to what others are doing around us because that's what we learned growing up - that other people are responsible for our happiness. "It's YOUR fault I feel this way." It sounds silly to me when I look back at it after so many years in the program, but pre-Al-Anon, I used to think there really weren't options to how I reacted to things. I didn't know I could make other choices, and the alcoholics in my life sure as hell weren't going to let me know there were choices, either.

Al-Anon brought the gift of choice to me. Once I realized I actually had choices, that was where the real change could start to occur. And while I took an inventory to weed out my limitations, it was with the help of my literature, meetings, sponsor, and working the steps that i ceased arguing to keep those limitations that I came to realize didn't serve me.

But it remains - first we must learn and understand we actually have a choice. We CAN do things differently.