The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author shares that Al-Anon helped them to realize that no one can know what is in their heart or what their needs are unless they share them with others. In addition, the author shares that they cannot expect any one person to meet ALL of their needs. They can ask for help, and ask someone else if the first person they ask are not able to provide the assistance they need. This takes the pressure off of everyone, because the author is open to accepting help and getting their needs met from multiple people, and the people around the author aren't expected to meet all of the author's needs.
Thanks to AlAnon, the author shares that they are learning to ask for what they need and to encourage others to do the same.
Today's Reminder: Help, comfort, and support are available to me. I am willing to reach out for what I need today.
Today's Quote: "... I cannot expect anyone to help me unless I am willing to share that I need help." ...In all our affairs
-----------------------------
Before I came to AlAnon, I expected my wife to be willing to try to meet my needs. I neglected relationships outside my marriage, because I expected and wanted my wife to be able to step in and help no matter what I needed. Thanks to the AlAnon program, I've discovered how important relationships with others are, and I've learned to accept my wife for who she is. I no longer expect her to meet my needs, instead, I accept what she is able to give and what she is able to do, and look to other relationships with family and friends to help meet my needs.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Great Reminder Skorpi I have given up expecting others to read my mind since entering program. The good news of his is that I no longer believe that I can read another's mind either. Asking for help iwas difficult in the beginning but now has become quite normal for me.
Thanks for your service Scorpi. These are great lessons to learn and Im happy that Im making progress. A big change for me is trying to help myself instead of relying on others. Now I try first, and if help is needed, Im OK to ask. I used to expect my spouse to fulfill everything I needed. Its such faulty thinking , and unfair to my spouse. And of course, its impossible! Lyne
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I put the AH in the place of my HP and that, of course, turned into a disaster. It was unrealistic and unfair to him. He couldn't possibly be everything, as I've also learned that I, too, cannot be someone's "everything."
Thankfully through the program I started to learn to spread the love among my friends, family, and acquaintances, and suddenly I started getting all my needs met. I have friends who liked to have lunch. I have friends who like to see movies. I have friends who like to talk. I have friends who like to hike or walk. I have friends who like to dance. I have friends with whom I can vent. I have friends I can call on to help with moving furniture, etc. Some of these people overlap and fall into multiple categories. Some I learned are just strong in one category so I don't try to force them into another.
This is why fellowship in the program is so important to me. Not only do I get to experience many of life's offerings with these people, but they're in recovery, too, so I get the bonus of spending time with someone who's trying their best to be authentic.
I also cannot sit around and, as Betty said, expect people to read my mind. I've learned to vocalize and express my needs so that others have the opportunity to step in where applicable. They get a choice in the matter, too, instead of me just sitting there thinking to myself "this person SHOULD know I want..."
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all above me for your shares and ESH. I arrived thinking that asking for help was a sign of weakness as I had distorted thinking that suggested I could be better than all that and a slice of bread. I neglected my own needs and felt I knew the best interest/needs of others - I was a bit upside down in my thinking and actions.
Asking for help has not been easy for me to learn yet it's been so rewarding. I am better at it than before and am grateful that I now know there is many blessings and miracles in 'group think/action'. Happy Wednesday all or ... as we say - Happy Hump Day! I have one of the littles as the day care closed again after opening for 2 days due to flu! I am grateful to be asked and grateful to be of service - even though it's only the half way mark and Grandma is EXHAUSTED!!! (((Hugs))) MIP!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Afternoon MIP family. Thank you for today's reading, Skorpi.
It took me many years to realize that people can't read my mind; walking around with a pouty face or giving the silent treatment wasn't going to help anyone. Me or them. I now try to verbalize my needs, but I still need to practice without doing so in a whiney or accusatory way. Al-anon is helping me tremendously in saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean. This applies to requests of help most certainly.
Have a wonderful rest of the day/evening. It is so darn cold!!! The only good news is it gives me reason to stay bundled and watch episodes of Downton Abbey. I'm always a decade behind....lol.
...