Thanks Betty for your service. As a newcomer, it was hard to understand as it seemed like no one was going to help me. I felt though, that I should keep showing up, because the answers had to be somewhere. I sure as heck didnt have any! I guess the vibe in the room brought me back. A whole bunch of people were here for this meeting and many seemed relaxed and happy. I wanted some of that, and I have achieved some of that. Some things work in mysterious ways, Lyne

Betty, thank you for sharing this wonderful reading. When I came to Al-Anon I felt trapped, and I strongly believed that no one should feel trapped or afraid in their own home -- but I did not know how to get out of the trap of my own misery.

In Al-Anon I learned about choices that I had never heard of, from people who shared the choices they had made. ... and I learned a slogan, YAHOO = You Always Have Other Options. Detachment, forgiveness -- those choices had never entered my mind, and when I first heard them, I could not accept the ideas -- today they make my life so much better.

Thanks Betty,

                    hmmm... I think there has been one change since that reading was written. If a member is in danger- I believe that a group can suggest that they move out of danger. Personally- I would prefer not to say that in a group. I would prefer to leave that up to someone who had been in that situation. But I might if no-one else did.

We suggest that a new member come to six meetings and check things out. We most often come along in a confused state. And this helps us to sort out what is going on on our lives.

I can't recall being given advice in my early years.No one questioned my right to be there. I had my own journey with the A. in my life- and I made my own choices. I look back now- without regret, that this was the best decision.

In our ending it says that we try to force solutions, ourselves. I do know that some people try to force solutions onto others too. So perhaps this is an escape from our own situation... I think we gently press forward with healthy solutions- for ourselves. For me, this wasn't easy at first. But, over time, we can demonstrate healthy choices, and their consequences.

Here, I think, we lead by example. I believe that example is a great teacher.  ...

Thank you for sharing that. I remember years ago, when I first started allowing myself to feel the pain associated with admitting my H was in fact an AH, I started furiously searching the Internet for answers...How do I change him? What can I do to make him stop? If I leave him, will he wake up? I desperately wanted to find some hidden nugget of information that I could use to make everything ok again. I knew I wasnt alone. Surely someone, somewhere, had the solution. And while I did indeed find people who would say the key was in doing X, Y, or Z or insisting on a one-way-fits-all approach, I found myself knowing, sometimes immediately, sometimes after trying to implement the suggestions, that those things wouldnt give me the outcome I sought. And so I kept looking. For years. All the while, fighting to keep my head above water, to keep it all together. And then I stumbled across this place and I figured, why not try it this way? Ive tried everything else aside from leaving, which I knew wasnt what I wanted. When I started working this program, it felt different. When I stopped looking outside of myself for the answers, the answers started coming. As JerryF said so well, When I stopped fighting, I started winning.