The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dont others see how much Im hurting? Cant they see I need help? Dont they care?
The issue is not whether others see or care. The issue is whether we see and care about ourselves. Often, when we are pointing a finger at others, waiting for them to have compassion for us, its because we have not fully accepted our pain. We have not yet reached that point of caring about ourselves. We are hoping for awareness in another that we have not yet had.
It is our job to have compassion for ourselves. When we do, we have taken the first step toward removing ourselves as victims. We are on the way to self-responsibility, self-care, and change.
Today, I will not wait for others to see and care; I will take responsibility for being aware of my pain and problems, and caring about myself.
**********************************************
sometimes my loved ones are needy the same day that I am...I have to depend on me AND if I am lucky, I can get some hugs/TLC from others,....sharing and caring, and yea, I can get victimized ONCE...but If I let same person, hurt me again, same way, I go from VICTIM to VOLUNTEER..........JUST saying
Rose, a work in progress-I have to say, me too! I have resigned from the Doormat Club, where I was a volunteer for all of my life, as I was taught from an early age. This program has given me a new freedom, so that I take care of myself no matter what others think. I can say I even love myself, and I will continue to strive to be the best person I can be, as I win my own self-respect and gain self-esteem, Lyne
Rose,
Thank you for posting this insight! I lived many, many of my married years wondering why my spouse could not see how unhappy I was. TBH, it wasn't until I began working the Al-Anon program did I see what you are saying...he was hurting so bad with his issues, that he could never see the hurt he caused... and I was so concerned about being the victim, that I couldn't see that my happiness was dependent on ME!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
MY old sponsor taught me that.....I go from victim to volunteer if I let repeated same ole same ole happen to me...I then do a step 4 and trace it....face it....and overcome it...Once I accept my reality, i can take right action....Acceptance does not mean defeat...It only means, seeing what REALLY is and responding appropriately.....Acceptance does not mean I like it or agree with it or am even happy with it, I can be MAD about it, but I see it for what it is....
