The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for today, February 19 speaks about attending alanon meetings: learning how to listen to others and to our own inner voice so we can make our own decisions.
The reading point out alanon members do not give advise nor tell anyone to leave a marriage even if the situation appears hopeless-- we share our ESH and allow members to make their own decisions
The quote is:
; "I pray to acquire the habit of listening- confining my share as to what might be helpful to others
Thank you Betty for your service. I remember early in program how hard it was not to cross talk. Sometimes I thought I just knew the right thing to say to a group member and I wanted to blurt it out. But the rules are there for a reason and I find just listening very helpful. Also, the ability to share and know that no one is going to ridicule or challenge me allows me to speak openly and honestly, Lyne
I agree with Lyne...the knowledge that no one in those rooms will humiliate me, nor tell me my decision was the wrong one (even if later I find out it was), allows me the comfort of the share.
For myself, I find listening is just the best tool! Early on, it helped me to quiet the chaos in my mind that always rode piggy-back with me. Nothing had changed in my life, yet I left the meeting in peace! Amazing!
I also like the "meeting after the meeting." Because sometimes, my ESH (as brutally truthful as it can be) is what is sought out about a particular subject, and can be freely shared then as "my experience only."
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good morning MIP. Thank you Betty for your service, the daily and your ESH. Thanks to others above me for your shares and ESH too! I struggled to listen as that was a lacking skill in my tool box. I had been in a perpetual state of reaction, deflection, denial, etc. I had no skills how to be still and listen. Al-Anon gave me the ability and tools to not only listen but actually do so without contemplating what I would do, what I should say, etc. Today, I recognize the pause and be still choice is one of my absolute best tools.
Al-Anon was a huge adjustment for me as in my area, most closed AA meetings are topic intended. We show up, and anyone can bring forward as topic that relates to the disease or recovery from the disease. We then do cross-talk, give advice while sharing our ESH. So - it's a completely different format that gave me a great new set of tools! I felt out of place at first but over time, as I practiced listening, I became very comfortable with the format and embrace it.
I am grateful to have many meetings to choose from as I can match my needs with what's offered. Happy Tuesday folks - make it a great day! We have more snow coming tonight so off to the store I go to stock up (again)...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hmmm... yes Betty... I have seen people here offer advice. Personally I have buttoned up my lips and steered the course I thought the best.
And reading all the shares... oh yes... we do have a format here [I sense] which is a trouble-shooting share. Where someone asks openly for input- and everyone puts in their two cents worth. We are all big people here- all grown-ups... and I think this works really well. ... Take what we like and leave the rest.
I tend to believe that each share is a mini- chair. I tend to follow the leadership of the first post. And sometimes it is a new member too.
Hmmm... yes... have been here a while now- and avoided conflict too- at least in my own eyes...
ODAT is our first reader... and maybe a little behind the times... just with certain things... 36 years ago split-ups were just happening... ...now much more regular...
hmmm... too... whether or not a member should run along to the nearest meeting and get a sponsor...
I prefer to see the member come up with more information- their own circumstances- before jumping in with a solution here... I tend to see this group, myself, as a home group- with lots of exciting interesting visitors... ... [and some potential sponsors too, if it comes to that.]
This is a lovely place. Leaves me breathless, sometimes... ...
... Take what we like and leave the rest.
... [and some potential sponsors too, if it comes to that.]