The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was born in 1951- at the height of the baby boom. Most of the males in my family, plus my grandmother had seen military service. I doubt of this had been the downfall of my family structure. I think that is had always been there.
I was the oldest of 5 kids. I saw mum and dad, perhaps at their best- before the illness set in. But mum said that the drinking was bad, even when I was a baby.
In 1954 mum and dad bought an orchard and small farm where we all grew up. In 1957 we had a crop failure and our grandmother provided bail-out money. Our grandma had left our grandfather long before and had set up with an alcoholic doctor. But she had money.
Things got worse. I had winters of neglect- where i recall sleeping on a rotting wet mattress. The strings rusted as well. Us four boys used to top and tail with our boy cousins. Their outlook was far grimmer than ours. Their dad, our uncle was a worser drinker than dad. he has seen naval service at the age of 15. All four cousins were destined for a career in brothels.
When I was 17 and went to the city- i became aware that the supports weren't there- in the wider family. The outcome for my cousins left me feeling angry and bitter. At age 21 I lost this uncle, and one other to suicide. My other uncle was a proud member of the 28th Maori Battalion.
I became an Anglican. The vicar responsible was an alcoholic and he subsequently shot himself.
We cannot blame ourselves for associating with drinking from a young age. From any age really. It is a matter of finding acceptance.
I encountered AA at the age of 15. A member came to our school and talked to us boys. I was amazed at the candour of this speaker. It left a lasting impression. I went to my first open AA- Alanon meeting at the age of 20. They must have identified me as a family member- because an Alanon member spoke to me then.
I went to my first meeting in 1982. The group was just starting. I am lucky because that made me aware of how groups grow, build and develop, over time.
The valley where I grew up was belong flooded to make hydro-electricity. The AA and Alanon members- in numbers came along with the construction crews.
Over the years i made a pilgrimage to Stepping Stones in NY State, and attending meetings in three different countries.
I am still married, after 36 years, which is something of a miracle. Our dad got sober the day he died.
I am still looking for answers. Today I am less strident and angry.
There has got to be a reason David that your story is here today after I was helped thru an emotional relapse last evening laying in bed. The similarities (some) tell me again that I am not alone just don't get hooked on the negatives. I shared a bit of my emotional inventory this morning at meeting just to keep it out in the open for reality. My grand-mother hooked me up on alcohol at the age of nine while my mother tried vehemently to reason her out of it and of course that didn't work. I was left handed when I arrived to family which I was punished out of because lefts are the hands of the devil and of course there is so much more that we came thru the door to have influence us for the future. It was thru the blessings of marrying and alcoholic/addict wife that "I came to understand" and am still coming at it. On the 8th I will nod to 40 years in recovery...first thru Al-Anon and then AA and today both.
The emotional relapse arrived while I was re-inventorying the early years and keeping myself real as to what happened and what is it like now.
Hi David! Thank you for sharing your story. It is not always easy to share something so personal for everyone (literally) to see.
You are a very resilient man! Thank you for being a part of my journey!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, David. Like Jerry, I have been in the midst of some troubled time, of late, and I needed to read this today.
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
(((David))) - I too appreciate your courage and honesty with your share/story. I love seeing miracles in progress and you are one of many here that I get to witness. Thank you for the great share - shows that it works when we work it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
There was a time I felt all alone as well... more recently in my life than yours, but the same feelings. That is just one of the wonderful things about the Fellowship of Al-Anon... once you join, you see that you are not alone. There are others that have walked your path... sometimes, almost the exact path!!
I am grateful for your posts!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I always knew growing up in an alcoholic home had a profound effect on me. But it wasn't until coming into alanon and hearing stories like yours that I appreciated the full impact. Thanks for your share. It allows people like myself to idenitfy.
Have been in a fetal position, sucking my thumb. figuratively speaking.
Hubs bought a car to replace the one he wrecked while I was in hosp. Let me sniff out a couple, but not this one. And it's too new and I can't be in it--the smells send me reeling. He promised if it didn't work out he'd take it back and get one I could be in. Now he's decided it is fine and I am "doing this just to punish him."
And he may have himself convinced I am a liar and may not--he just throws stuff out--making me wrong so he is right, deflecting from the fact that he didn't keep his promise. Which I did not solicit, by the way. And I mustn't obsess about his though processes--or lack thereof.
So, I am at a bit of a loss. Could have gotten my lapsed driver's license renewed last fall while we still had a car I could drive/be in. I have the money to get a car for me, as well. Can't quite think how I juggle all this. How does one take a driving test w/o a car? How does one get a car w/o a license? Trying to continue to get better physically. Have only been to the Dr.'s office twice since Christmas, and that set me back.
Trying not to even think about how I manage to find a chemical-free, safe place for me to live, and where. That is down the road, if I can keep myself halfway sane.
Got on here to say, as I always do, that you are an inspiration. And so honest and open in your shares--you will never know all the good you have done for so many
Hugs!
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
When I first got hit with this I listened to Pete Seeger's "Still the Same" all day. Don't know why--it is my go-to anti-have a breakdown music. The first time I lay in bed and listened to a loop of it for four days. That was five years ago, so I must be getting stronger mentally.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
as you know i use music a lot.... i believed it reached the control centre north of the neck... And ah still believe that...
...and putting aside the belief issues... singing and moving ourselves is most likely even better- to get through... and also... just the same- sharing and reaching out- keeping in touch with our fellow members...
Thanks Alanon, and y'all... 
