The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading in Courage to Change, the author reflects on an important lesson they have learned in AlAnon - thinking before speaking.
The author shares that they used to say everything that came to mind, even if they were not sure if what they said was true. Through work in the program, the author has developed the skill of thinking before speaking. When the author has the urge to respond in anger, betray a confidence, gossip, or tell something personal to a stranger, they now stop to think before speaking. This gives the author time to make a decision. They may decide to speak or not to speak, they may decide to express their thoughts directly, or to soften what they say. Regardless of the option the author chooses, they are willing to accept the consequences of their actions because they have taken the time to think things through and make a choice.
Today's Reminder: Today I will let my words serve my best interests. I will choose them with care.
Today's Quote: "I don't let my mouth say nothin' my head can't stand." Louis Armstrong
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I am a student of languages, and I have been in the habit of carefully choosing my words for quite a while. (and for frequently selecting the wrong one!) One major difference I have noticed at this stage of my program is that people around me are noticing and commenting on how carefully I use my words. Perhaps my program work has influenced my word choices more than I know. I am aware of my delivery - I try to be my best self with others, and that means wording things in a way that meets my goals and leaves the other person motivated to do something or continue to engage in conversation with me. I use this skill especially at work, and I am again seeing the benefit of the program in all aspects of my life.
I'm grateful for the lack of snow this year - I've been having car trouble, and it is much easier to work on cars without the white blanket of cold!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi Very timely topic . Prior to my attendance at alanon meetings I would speak whatever entered my mind without considering the impact of my words. Sitting at meetings listening to others, waiting my turn to speak gave me the awareness that I could take my time, edit my thoughts, consider the quote "not to let my mouth say anything my head cannot stand "
Thanks for your service
Thanks Skorpi for your service. I used to be afraid to say anything for fear of being rejected. But as I've grown stronger I can speak my truth often. Program has influenced me a lot in this area-not to be a doormat basically . That means standing up for me, having boundaries, and learning to say "no." One of our saying's I practice a great deal, is: Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." That means pausing and thinking, as the reading addressed. It's hard turning into a grown up, but I'm working on it! Lyne
I'm still working on the habit of saying "no" but then I realize that it's not that big of deal if I do say "no". I am not able to and I'm not comfortable and I have to put those two things first when I happen to tell someone I am not able to do what they want. Reacting badly was a family trait that it seems everyone held onto but when I started the program and I started to not let my feelings overwhelm me then everything fell into place. Thinking before speaking is a great trait.
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I too used to blurt out whatever came to my mind without thought prior to recovery AND felt I was justified and right! Boy - I have gained tons of progress in practicing different habits, responses, etc. I am big to pause, pray and then proceed simply because my words were pointed, direct, sharp and damaging.
I am grateful for a different way to 'be me'. I believe by practicing more listening instead of talking fast/first/last, I've become more trusting in my HP and my recovery.
Glad you all are missing the white stuff Skorpi. We had a ton last weekend and most is still on the ground. We are expected to get more this weekend! I am grateful I don't have to go out/about during it...not my favorite thing to do!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Skorpi for your service. I appreciate others who share here, as it helps us all grow.
At first it was hard to see that I was "reactive," because I am the kind of person that needs to investigate, research, and look at things from all angles. But in working the steps, especially Step 4, I began to see patterns that really pinpointed that living among the addict in my life had really made me a "reactive person." I also found out my "go-to" was to respond with something that would placate the situation... not my truth, nor anything that would help me!
"People-pleaser, table for one!"
Like Lyne shared above... I now live by "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." By doing so, it is easier to stop and think about what comes out of my mouth!
Thank you MIP!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
At my morning meeting there was a bit of an up rising as one member who had been hurt by the "story telling" of another member tried to express his impression and feelings within the group and stay true to himself. The other person attempted to do the same and it was something to watch; the struggle to be true to self and still be accepted. What was evident to me was that both had been feeling hurt without feeling wimpy or cowardly. It was interesting to watch these two guys who prior to getting into program would have come to blows I think. One or both had spent time in jail or prison yet both were trying something new; handling personal hurt without hurting personally. Only the presence of HP in the form of the program made it come out better than they expected. At the end of the meeting the topic which was derived from their angst, the entire fellowship learned and surrounded them with hugs of acceptance and gratitude. Life is now different and I am looking forward to watching the miracle of acceptance arrive. Thank you God. Mahalo Skorpi for the share. (((((hugs)))))
Well, I am a day late, but this reading resonated with me, for sure. Over the years I developed the ability to be very quick with sarcastic comebacks, witty and passive aggressive comments. I rarely thought about anything before I spouted. I am sure there were MANY hurt and offended people along the way. However, I just blurted away thinking I was oh, so clever. Conversely, I never spoke up for myself when it mattered. I didn't stand up for my rights or tell someone that I was offended or speak my truth. I thought I was tough, but when it came to protecting myself, I just let people and their opinions walk all over me.
Since joining the program and probably more recently, as it has finally started to sink in.....I am definitely more thoughtful about what I say. At least now, I pause more often to check my motives and to see if what I have to say will help or hinder the situation......any situation. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue, sometimes I use the serenity prayer to be respectful of others and sometimes I just know that it can be more powerful to be silent.
