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Well as I posted several weeks ago I had another miscarriage. I lied to my husband and told him I wasn't even pregnant, the reason I was late was stress. I thought I did this with good intentions--I mean he has such a hard time and he didn't need one more thing--he gets really upset with each miscarraige--so I was saving him the heartbreak and emotions (trying to control you think????) Anyway I haven't stopped bleeding and took another pregnancy test that came up positive so went back in to doctor. After poking and prodding looks like there is some tissue there that won't go away, so we have to watch it to see if I will need a DNC. So last night after the invasive search by doctor I was in a lot of pain. My ah had been asking me about the doctor, but I had been trying to avoid answering the questions. After about an hour of me in tears, he just kept asking what did that doctor do to you--he was genuinely worried so I had to fess up--which is what I should have done in the first place--damn my I think I know what's best mind!!! Anyway I asked him if he was mad at me for lying--he asked me if I was mad at him --I said for what? He said you just did what I taught you to do. You lied because I lie. He didn't really seem upset, we'll see how long that lasts and if he will use it against me later--which I just might deserve.
Anyway this long story to say--I thought I knew what was best, but my HP didn't think so, so he had to take over and show me!!!!
I need to learn to put myself in a box and let my HP make all my decisions--maybe I wouldn't end up so screwy!!!!
I'm happy that your husband was supportive when you told him the truth. You need and deserve support, especially after a miscarriage.
Don't be too hard on yourself for lying to him. I think often we do it for self preservation. I have lied to my husband about bills and other important matters. Sometimes I was protecting him, but often I was protecting me. I thought he would go off the wall or make complicated situations more complicated. I didn't need that. Sometimes if we don't think we will get love and support it is just easier to avoid the truth. Better to just not have the support we might not get anyway, than have the situation turn into more drama and chaos. I know if a situation is about me, sometimes I don't want him to know, becaue he makes it all about him, that he is the victim and he is the one suffering. Instead of daling with my own emotions or even have him help me do it. It turns into me having to deal only with his emotions and feelings. I know with my A, as far as he is concerned, if he is hurting or suffering, no one elses suffering or grief can even be close.
Hopefully he won't use it against you, and if he does, don't believe that you deserve it. You don't.
I am so sorry about the miscarriage hudsond. I didn't know - must have missed that post. (((hudsond)))
I am also sorry that you are having such complications physically with it. That must be extremely tough. Hang in there & remember we are here for you.
As far as lying goes....well, the way I see it, you told him a lie to protect him but also to protect yourself. Sometimes it is easier to grieve a loss on your own. You must not blame yourself for your choices whether they turn out to be for the best or not. You have to make decisions in an instant to best suit your frame of mind and level of emotion at that particular moment. Besides that, this lie was not a deceitful lie to cover up a wrong doing. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!!
I am glad that your A didn't make a big deal out of it and appeared to be supportive. I pray that he never uses it against you. If he ever does, it will be b/c he is grasping at straws to make you feel bad b/c you have busted him in lying about a wrong he is trying to cover up. Don't ever let him turn this around on you. Make sure that you remember to compare apples to apples. Now I agree in telling things like they are but sometimes the moment for that telling isn't at the time of the asking. You were not ready to talk about the miscarriage at the time he asked you about it. After some time had passed, you were able to open up. I bet you would have eventually opened up to him about it regardless of the complications.
Take care of yourself, get some rest and good luck. We are here for you. God Bless.
So sorry to hear what you are going through it is not ever easy to share this kind of pain with another even your spouse something that is so emotionally and physically painful to experience at all we all want to appear stronger than we really are ALL The Time please take care of Your Self .....
its OK to ((LET GO and LET GOD ....tend those things you can not control the future )) I'm thinking most of all a Slogan i just want to share with You its Progress not Projection
My prayers are with You sending a ((BIGHUG)) YOU are going to be just fine.
I'm sorry for your loss. Don't be too hard on yourself right now. Normally I see lying as lying, no right time for it but I can certainly understand wanting to save someone heartache. You're in my prayers, take care of yourself.
ALL The Time please take care of Your Self .....
sending a ((BIGHUG)) Y
OU are going to be just fine.