The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the gentleness of Alanon. The program suggests practicing the steps, slogans and traditions but is not meant to be a severe list of you must... or even you should... in spite of how some of us may have felt about it when first coming into the program.
The writer describes how living in rigidity and with absolute rules imposed on him/herself limited the life experience and the interactions with others. I know that for myself there have been periods of strict rule following or expectations for others to follow rules that was a response to having lived with the chaos of alcoholism. For some of us, strict rules can be a comfort but I think over time, if thats the only way one is living, it can be a restrictive experience as well.
Just as the reader described, being gentler with myself and others had been a result of practice within the program and has provided me with a less judgmental and severe way of living, and more of a positive way of living in compassion.
Good Morning Mary I am so pleased that the Alanon program offers a quiet, gentle approach to recovery from the pain of this dreadful disease.
It is obvious that the authors of the program understand the severe damage inflicted on family members and developed a program with a fellowship of equals composed of suggestions instead of MUSTS.
i am pleased I kept coming back.
Thanks for your service
Apologies- I wrote in reflection to yesterdays HFT. Here is todays:
This reading is about learning not to take everything that is said or done personally. To use a popular phrase- its not always about me! The writer describes practicing the 12th tradition, placing principle above personalities, in order to feel better and not feel the need to react to everything that is said and done by another. The writer describes being able to work with people, even if he/she doesnt like someone else or consider him/her a friend.
I know there have been times that I have ruminated and stewed over things that have been said or done, convinced that words or actions have been aimed at me- only to realize how much time and energy I was wasting in this regard. The thought for the day reminds us that being able to place principals above personalities can keep us from being in a consistent reactionary mode.
Again- sorry about the wrong date this morning. I guess I should finish my coffee before I start reading and writing next week!
Thanks Mary They are both powerful reminders. Detaching and not taking things personally has been a great tool of my program I never realized just how self centered I was when i assumed that everyone's words and actions were directed at me. Stop taking it personally is a fantastic slogan
Oh my! What Betty just said above me is so me. Taking everything personally thinking everything somebody says or does is centered around me because I was so self-centered in that way. Now I look and I pause and I breathe and a lot of times I find myself just walking away and dismissing whats going on around me because it has nothing to do with me.
Thank you Mary for sharing both of these. I enjoyed reading both of them and the above post you did, is a good one too. In that this is a gentle program and it never shames or blames you if youre not so called working it right, maybe people in the community, some of them, may think I am not progressing well enough in a particular area, but the program as a whole, this is not a race. It is a journey. It is never a Destiination. Though I like rules and structure, I also like flexibility and gentleness and suggestions rather than orders. This program is perfect for me in that it gives me the security and Consistency and stability, but it also gives me the gentle suggestions in that I do what works for me and discard the rest. They strongly suggest the steps and the slogans and the traditions and the meetings because it is proven to be successful in helping others. But this is not a military base it is a loving sharing and caring program
Thank you Mary for your service and the bonus daily(s)!!!! I am a huge fan of our daily readers and can never get enough reminders and ESH regarding our program. I can say I am so, so grateful that our program is gentle and suggestive in nature vs. rigid and 'must do' oriented. If I had arrived, and heard the latter, I probably would have left and not returned. I have had a life-time of others telling me what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc.....as the youngest child!!! So, so grateful for the peaceful, unconditional, gentle love extended to me when I found my way here!
And - boy howdy. I used to take everything personal. If someone just looked at me, I figured they were judging me or sizing me up. Someone suggested I put a q-tip in my pocket to remind me to Quit Taking It Personally and it was an awesome reminder. I am one who was a slow learner in recovery, so it took me a while to accept and believe that how others talk, act, react, etc. has nothing to do with me - it's about them.
What I can do is take the tools I learn in Al-Anon - patience, gentle, no judgment, etc. and seek to understand. I can ask for clarification if/when needed and I can also choose to do and be something different.
Have a lovely rest of Sunday! Been to church (driving Miss Daisy and attending), visiting family, hanging with my little people and off in a while to a football watch party. Hard to admit, but hanging with my 84 year old momma is wearing me out!!! Love and Light MIP family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I saw myself in your description of the first daily... I can now see the rigidity in me...my truer nature is to be more flexible and fluid. I am now moving closer and closer to my True Self!
Funny little note regarding the second daily - not taking things personally: Yesterday my team played and if they won, they were going to go to the NFL playoffs. They won. Much later in the evening, my mom texted me, "Dad and I wanted to know if you are happy." No other context than that. I did not respond right away, b/c I am not really sure if I am truly happy right now. I feel like I am working on it, but didn't want to respond with that. So eventually I texted back, " I am grateful for many things in my life right now." Yes, I answered with deflection, but I felt it was what was needed. A little while later my mom texted back, "Well, that is good to know, but we were really talking about that your team won and made it to the playoffs." ROTFLMAO!!!!
So yeah, I guess I can keep working on the "Don't take things personally part!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
