The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The author of today's reading in Courage to Change was surprised to hear that when we make a list of the people we have harmed, we can put ourselves at the top of the list. They had previously thought that it was wrong to think of themselves, and that it was their duty to care for everyone else. By not taking care of themselves, they became a burden to others. They had actually harmed themselves and had to recover from that. They realized that improving ourselves is the only real action we can take.
Today's Reminder: Being true to myself is one of the greatest gifts I can give to those around me. Perhaps I will inspire them to do the same; perhaps not. Why should others bother to follow my example if I can't take care of my own affairs? To give advice to others is to intrude; to give advice to myself is to grow.
Quote: :"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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One of my greatest lessons from the program has been to put myself first and not to feel bad about it. I still remember my sponsor saying, "Be gentle with yourself." It's a paradox, but so true, that by helping myself I can help others.
I really liked this: "To give advice to others is to intrude; to give advice to myself is to grow."
Sometimes it is hard for me to put myself first... I am getting better at it though!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you FT for the daily. I remember almost being shocked when my sponsor suggested putting myself at the top of the list of who I had harmed. What a concept! But it did sink in and now it makes perfect sense. Helping myself is the only one I can really help, and I ignored and beat myself up verbally for years. I'm in a much better place now, and my old habits do rear their ugly heads but I get rid of them right away. Progress not perfection, is one of my favorite slogans,Lyne
Great reminder Freetime I love the fact that we are asked to place ourselves at the top of he amend list. I did that, and the amend I made to myself was to attend more alanon meetings and devote more time to program. It worked and today I truly embrace keeping the focus on myself and living one day at a time
Thanks for your service
Happy Friday MIP! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for the shares and ESH. I found it uncomfortable to put me first as I'd been doing this and many other things backwards for so very, very long. I had distorted thinking that measures 'success' as a mother, daughter, wive, etc. by doing for others and I had nothing left for me as the disease progressed!
It took a lot of practice to realize and accept that I matter and I am of value. I am also better able to deal with life on life's terms when I am practicing self-care. When it came time to make that list, I was more comfortable in valuing me so putting me on the list made sense. By learning how to prioritize me in a healthy way, I am more balanced for helping/serving others vs. enabling them.
I also love the concept of giving advice as an intrusion. I am grateful Al-Anon is a gentle program where we suggest without judgment or advising. It's been a long day with Miss Daisy here - grateful for her visit and for the weekend! Hope everyone had a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I didnt get it at first either when I was doing the amends part of the steps but then I realized as I got deeper into recovery that I was leaving out the two most important entities In my life: my higher power and myself. My biggest offenses were against myself and therefore my higher power that is within me. When I saw this and actually did journals on it, I couldnt believe how I could miss out and forget the most important thing in my life and that is to make amends to me
I am very hard and critical on myself when I am not paying attention and I do stupid things that could cause harm in someway to myself or my pets. Its all about slowing down and paying attention Im just going to have to force that issue. But in the mean time, I must make amends for all offenses against anybody, including myself
