The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for 12/17 discusses the suggestion to pray for those they resent. Initially they could not follow this suggestion, but as time went on the author says it has become one of the most effective tools of their recovery. The author developed a new way of thinking about the situation, and decided to pray that the person in question be given the serenity, love, and joy that they wanted for themself.
The reminder says resentments keep themself locked in a closet, and when feeling like a victim, it costs too much self-esteem.
The quote reminds us that we need to learn new ways of relating to one another.
When I was new to recovery and heard this suggestion, I figured that maybe someone had a screw loose worse than me. But over time, I started practicing when I was driving. I'm on a busy interstate often and witness a lot of crazy driving. And when I saw these folks I started wishing them a safe journey to their destination. Then slowly I was able to carry this idea to the actual people in my life that were hurting me, disappointing me, etc. Now I find this to be such a sensible and compassionate way to treat others. And most importantly, it keeps me free of resentment most of the time, Lyne
Good morning, MIP! and thanks for your service, Lyne!
I had a similar initial reaction - I couldn't get past the idea that people were doing something to me, and that I couldn't do anything about it. Over time and much work in the program, I recognize today that people are doing (not to me) and that I am also doing (not to them). I know today that I have the power to make decisions about what I will do, regardless of what others are doing. I do keep an eye out for resentment as a warning that I'm unhappy with myself, and that I need to think about which choices I am going to make next, What a gift, that I can now keep my focus on myself!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Lyne and Skorpi I too felt this suggestion was unreasonable.,when i first entered program. Then I tried it and was amazed at the unbelievable change in my attitude and actions.
Thanks for your service and for sharing your esh
I can so relate to your interstate story! Traffic in my neck of the woods is some of the worst in the nation - both in terms of quality and quantity! I seem to be able to practice my acceptance of others every day at least once!! LOL!
Right now, I am having a difficult time with my parents not understanding my desire to live resentment free and still stay connected to my Ex's family. They just don't get it, and sometimes let me know about it! So the undercurrent is always there. I've even told them straight out, "Holding on to the resentment is making me bitter. I want to live my life more open and accepting... the resentments just hurt MY soul, not my Ex's." So for this moment in time, I am trying to accept that they may never accept that I am moving past what was "done to me." They may never come to a point that they understand that he truly wasn't a bad man... just a slightly juvenile man that had demons that he chose to self-medicate instead of seek professional help. What he did was never done "to" me or their grandchild... although it can feel that way... it's just addiction. They are in their late 70's... so their views on addiction are old-fashioned as well. They also aren't familiar with Al-Anon... I am pretty sure they don't know that I still work my program, b/c in their minds, why would I need to? LOL!
Like Skorpi mentioned, I find when resentments begin to crop up in my mind, it's b/c that I am actually unhappy about something within myself! Took me a year to realize that, but there ya go... one of the many reasons why keeping with this program is so important!
Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!
Peace & Love
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good morning MIP - thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I struggled with righteous anger often/always when I arrived at recovery, and truly thought praying for those I was resentful of was insane. Yet, over time, I did figure out the only person I was hurting by holding on to hate, anger, resentments and 'what was done to me' --- was ME!
Recovery has worked well for me when I work it as suggested. When I try to do it my way, I hit walls over and over and over again. There are no short-cuts for me to be serene and living spiritually. I really must surrender and work as best I can this program and these steps as suggested.
We are having a chaotic time and it's again caused by this disease which I am hating today. I am working to 'seek to understand' and praying big time and know there will be a solution. Of course, with my mother coming tomorrow, it would be nice to have the solution today - ha.ha.ha.....I have to laugh at me, just for a moment.
I must be reminded daily and often that all that stands between me and forward progress is me - my ego, my pride, my self-righteous thinking. Today's reading is perfect for where I am for today, and appreciate the shares and this safe place to come! Off to clean more - never ending with company coming!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
hey Lyne, thanks for this reminder...LOL, I started with the road ragers as well...sending them safe driving energy...saying it outloud...THEN the folks who have let me down, disappointed me, hurt me, I would ask their HP to give them the lessons they need to surrender to love and peace, not the energy that they are harboring....I know it sounds like a sarcastic prayer, but really, I DO hope they can be brought to surrender to what is right...Like I was brought to surrender to love and peace..I had to be "hit" a few times b4 I finally decided, I need to change....
