The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I’ve heard people talk about living in their head. I think I understand what they are talking about. I know I try to analyze people, places, and things. I try to make my decisions by figuring “it” out. My thinking has always been that if I could just figure out the “rules,” figure out the “formula,” then I to can live happily ever after - or at least in without so much confusion.
And than I think, no there is just something wrong with me. Sometimes I think that when I was born the word “Reject” was printed on my forehead, but I was the only one who couldn’t see it. Really now, how gets rejected by their own family. Sometimes I feel like God made an oops when he created me. But God doesn’t throw away his mistakes he just let’s them live out their life and He will take care of the problem later. (I know, God doesn’t create junk).
I’ve also heard people talk about listening to their heart and gut. Katie Couric was quoted as saying that she made her recent “big” decision by listening to her heart and gut. So, I decide to try it. What is my heart telling me? I try to be still and listen to my heart. It hurts. It is broken. It’s painful here, so I move on. What is my gut telling me? It says that it’s scared and full fear. It’s very uncomfortable here. I sense terror, anxiety, turmoil…My body screams, “go back to your head.”
I know how to live in my head.
Okay, so I got a few things off of my chest and if any of my family knew that I wrote this stuff…I don’t know what would happen to me.
I'm glad you're here. I know I've felt many of the things you've shared. When I was very little I listened to my gut pretty well, and then over time got trained out of it. I've found now many years later that my gut instincts are good. I used to analyze everything ... in a way it was how I survived. That and a few other defense mechanisms that are now on my list of character defects ... that I am SOOOOO ready for my HP to relieve me of. But, as they say, my best thinking is what got me here.
So, on the one hand I am sorry we are all here, because we probably got here because we've experienced quite a bit of emotional pain and we're looking for help -- I know I was, and while my analytical mind was comfortable, it was not getting me to where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be, i.e., my life was unmanageable. But somehow I was led here (thank you HP), I think I am in good company with you and the rest. I am reminded here to focus on myself (my recovery) and to trust myself, and for me that works, bit by bit, day by day.
Welcome,I learned when my mind and heart are not in the same place it is not time for a dession.you are a blessing to many I'm sure.your HP will see you thru.Please be good to you and nice,remeber you are spieal.love angel/sharon
I learn so much from everyone's posts. Explaining your process helps me understand why my A won't do emotions and stays in his head. Drives me crazy but it is more comfortable for him. Pia Melody says that you can stand your own emotions because they are yours. If you can't then you have taken on someone else's for them.
I haven't figured which one to use---head or heart. My folks get upset with me because I seem to make so many decisions with my heart, but when I put things in my head I just get so completely confused!! (it's like way too many voices in there!!!) Granted I don't seem to be on the high end with a good turn out on my decisions, but maybe if I tried it like angel123 where my heart and head were in agreement I might come out o.k.
Keep plugging along! I hope you find your place of comfort be it head or heart! Take care.
Reading your post struck a cord in me. I too am very analytical and "in my head". I did not grow up in an alcoholic home but it might as well have been. My father was an emotionally distant man, still is. He was not able to cuddle and nurture his children. I felt like I was unworthy and unlovable to him. My therapist explained to me that as children we are impacted either by positive stimuli or negative stimuli. My father ranted and raved over everything. He cussed he screamed, his eyes looked crazy to me as a child. His face would turn red and he would spew out such horrible words to me and my family that it really scared me. I don't remember this but my mother said I was two, he picked me up by my arms and was yelling at me about something, my mother said I was terrified.
Its an example of negative stimuli that the body remembers. My therapist actually calls it body memories. I didn't really think about how my body reacts when I'm confronted with a problem, living with an "a", fighting with the "a", whatever the threat or situation, I react in some physiological way. Listening to my gut or instincts is hard for me too, I havent' trusted my gut in a while. I think its about listening to your body and feeling how its feeling. You know what anxiety feels like, what sadness feels like. I was told to sit with those feelings and think about why? who? when? what? and how? Its scary to leave the head and connect with the body, but the idea is that eventually you will be able to honor those feelings your body has and process through it quickly. I never thought I shook when I was scared or angry, now I notice how my hands shake, once I go for the confrontation and get it over with, I stop shaking. This program helps us get from the head to the heart, once you have made the skills and steps apart of the heart you can put them into practice much easier. You sound like you are on the right track to recovery, keep working it.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I try and analyze everything and I mean everything in my head. I think everything to death. But most of the time I end up following my heart instead. Does it cause me hurt, oh yes and quite often. It has also been responsible for all the joy in my life.
People tell me all the time that my heart is too big and gets me into trouble and causes me so much pain, they say I should use my head. I have found that when heart and head are in agreement, I geel it in my gut. I know it is the right thing to do.
Life might be easier if we all follow our heads, but I think the world would be a cold place if everyone stopped thinking with their hearts.
Thank you for your responses and support. It was really difficult to put that post out, but very therapeutic. It’s nice to know that others share in or understand your struggles and can offer some insights. Thanks, Kady
I too have learned to follow my gut instincts, as they have never steered me wrong. I've sometimes found myself disbelieving them, only to find myself later kicking myself in the rear for not listening to them. Usually, in my experience these gut instincts are trying to tell us something and if we listen to them clearly, we can be "guided" in the right direction most of the time.
No one is a mistake....no one is a reject...and I am sure that you realize that you are just as good as anyone else on this earth.
My mom used to always tell me to "follow my heart, because my mind will play tricks on me". What she meant by that was I can have a thought, and one minute in my mind I am thinking that it is a good thought and then the next my mind is saying "no, that's not good for you..." etc. This may not work everytime I am faced with a difficult issue, but I've learned to follow my heart AND my gut instincts, and so far, I've found that I've made a lot of right decisions in my life. It's not easy. But it can get better.
Glad that you are here, and hope that you continue to come back. I started out in Al-Anon about a year and a half ago----new to the online forum---but I can tell you from my experience, If I didnt' have this program, I may have gone insane!
Always remember---you ARE someone, you ARE worth everything, God created everyone unique and different--to be the same we would all be boring!
We don't always make the right decisions in life, but we can learn from our mistakes and build on them.
Just my thoughts,
Hightide
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"Taking one day at a time, Brining me one day closer to recovery."
If I have no expectations of my addict, then I'll have nothing to be disappointed about."
