The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the difficulty in making decisions. The writer came to understand that he/she was having trouble making decisions because they were often based on what others expected or wanted. Through program work it was suggested that decisions may be easier if the motivation was clear: are we trying to please ourselves, our HP or someone else?
I thought about two scenarios that have been true for me while I was reading the daily today. One is that for a fair amount of time, I realized I was kind of falling into decisions, big and small, in my life. Life was happening to me and then I was reacting. It is still difficult for me to make decisions but I have learned to ask and answer the questions about motivations behind decisions. The other thought that came to mind was how it is for me when I am shopping. Im a terrible shopper and really do not enjoy it. If I have to find something for myself it is either a situation where I walk in, see what Id like and Im done in 3 minutes or I stand in a store and deliberate over choices for 40 min and leave with nothing! Knowing that I typically dont enjoy shopping- I now know that if I have a plan ahead of time about what I want, then I wont be somewhere, overwhelmed, with too many choices!
One other thought I will add is about the idea of HPs will for us- that is the most difficult for me because it requires patience! What if I dont KNOW what my HP wants for me? I have learned to be patient and trust that it will be revealed to me.
Thanks Mary for the daily and your honest share. The more time I spend in program, the easier decisions become for me. I can't say this was one of my main struggles, but I did try to do what others' wanted of me in the past. At times I would let others bully me into doing what they wanted me to do. In program I have become much stronger and self-assured. I try to do what's best for me even if others don't agree. I do ask HP for guidance often, and believe I do get responses. I do always keep in mind, progress not perfection, Lyne
Good Sunday morning to ya, Mary! Thank you for your service and the daily. Lyne, I appreciate that you share on each of these...we are all teachers at times to others!
Making decisions is not a sticking point for me... once the decision is made, b/c I deliberated long and hard, I stick to my decision. So, many times that has developed into someone who can be inflexible. I DON'T LIKE THAT! So all my adult life I have worked on the balance between all my research, knowledge-gathering etc, then making what I feel is a strong decision, and trying to be flexible when that decision isn't the best decision, or doesn't work out for some reason.
I think b/c I recognize this in myself, and really don't like it, I tend to sway the other way towards people pleasing. I have been trying to figure out where this trait came from - b/c I know I have had it since I was a young child - but haven't ferreted it out yet. Maybe I never will. Maybe all that is needed is the acceptance that it JUST IS, and the willingness to keep working on it!
As for your other thought, Mary...I too struggle with the patience needed to allow my HP's will to be revealed in my life. I get caught up in the A, B, then that leads to C pathways... always wanting to know the next step. I am learning that it's OK not to know the next step! I have come to learn that this type of behavior is one of the "side benefits" of living with an addicted person. We loved ones get "trained" b/c knowing the next step might save our home, our finances, even our ALO's!! So if you are in this situation for a long time, this behavior becomes second-nature. But, as we all eventually find out, living like that is like a perpetual ride on The Crazy Train! Slowly, I am trying to undue all this damage by focusing on living One Day At A Time. When it was really crazy, one Moment at a Time!! So as you can see, that slogan is NOT just for the Addict/Alcoholic!
Today, I awoke with a stiff back. It is 46 degrees here. Practically balmy for some of you around the country I know, but for Cali, this is cold! What I jokingly refer to as "California Cold!" LOL! Still, I thanked my HP for this day...and came directly here with my cup o'Joe! It has become my daily ritual that I just love! Thank you, MIP!!
I have shopping to do for my mother (she is blind), and myself, then I am free to enjoy some football! Yippeee!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks Mary and this is such a good topic
Decision making for me in past was #1, to please or impress someone, or it was #2, reaction to a fear, and i'm just reacting...as you said "life happening TO me" yea, reacting, making decisions an hoping for the best...but the big thing for me was I believed Iwas such a screw up, that I hated to have to make decisions out of the fear "for sure I'm going to mess up and make the wrong decision"
now, while in recovery, I can stop...breathe....let my brain sync and settle...and check my motives....weigh my options (i like the safest percentages) what option seems best??? research if I can, ask ??s to others if i can ....very rarely do I hve to decide "right now" I can wait..I can meditate on it....so better decisions are made now because I am willing to wait...research...ask others who might have better experience...but the bottom line is "whats best FOR ME????" and am I putting ME first in this equation......
