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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 11/29/18

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 9902
Courage to Change 11/29/18

Good morning MIP.  Today's reading is about how the reader viewed 'adulting' before recovery vs. during/embracing recovery.  Before Al-Anon, he/she believed that being an adult was to be in CONTROL - rigid, cool.  This might also include looking good on the outside and feeling very different on the inside.  Also - doing for others until one dropped!

Recovery opened a new way of living.  The first change - control over others - simply does not work.  When we try to control others, we are keeping them at a distance.  Instead - admitting powerlessness is a healthier choice.

Next was letting go of the 'looking good' facade to get real and share real feelings at meetings.  The author suggests that reading from ODAT in Al-Anon on 'martyrdom' made him/her uncomfortably aware of the 'dogooder' role often masked as a martyr.

The writer realizes with time, effort and honesty in recovery that being more human and genuine better allows for real relationships, real communication and real happiness.

Reminder --  Today I can risk being myself.  I don't have to live up to anyone's image.  All I have to do is be me.

Quote from Al-Anon is for Adult Children of Alcoholics --  "As I surrendered my imaginary power over others, I gained a more realistic view of my own life."


This is one of my favorite readings as I really did believe that 'Adulting' was all about controlling others - their present, their past, their future, their choices, etc.  I was raised in a home where 'success' was defined by money in bank, employment title, salary, level of education, accomplishments, etc. which just added to the perfect image I tried to share outwardly.

Of course, I arrived in Al-Anon very broken and very unaware of my contribution to the chaos/drama.  I really, really believed if only ............. then ..........................  which was a very poor strategy for enjoying life and being free from the bondage of self and this disease.

By the grace of God and the willingness to work for it, I live very differently today.  My days still have moments of displeasure and some drama, but I am equipped to respond vs. react.  My distorted thinking has changed drastically - good and bad things happen to everyone - not just 'me'.  I truly am not the center of the universe, and all people deserve to be happy, joyous and free.

Being an adult today means that I begin my day with gratitude and end it with gratitude.  Gratitude is a game-changer which allows me to be more authentic.  When I am satisfied - even grateful - for what is and what I have, I can live in the present, enjoy the moments and not worry about the past or the future.  I no longer compete or compare with anyone for any reason, and my insides and outsides are more aligned as I continue to learn and grow.

I can be of service, yet not entangle.  I can continue about my day in spite of what other people are/are not doing.  I can walk daily with my HP trusting in what happens next is what's supposed to happen next.  I no longer have any anger, shame, blame, disappointment, etc.  I am free each day to view those that brought me here with unconditional love and acceptance.  What a gift to let go of EGO, Control, etc.  All is truly well in my world, and I am really grateful!

Happy Thursday all - spending some time today with my little people which always brightens things.  They help me be more authentic and genuine - another great gift of recovery.  Make it a great day!



Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1288

Thank you IAH for your service and wonderful share. Being an adult for me covers the things you said in your share, and this was no easy accomplishment (progress not perfection!). For me it also involves taking better care of myself from avoiding toxic people to scheduling needed doctor's appts. And none of it is easy for me. I remain a work in progress, Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1489

One thing I notice as I get healthier. My friendship circle is smaller but it is a better quality. The price of admission to my heart and my trust has gone up. The people I have in my life now, love and accept me as I am As I love and accept them as they are. The freedom that giving up control over other people frees me to be a better friend and to enjoy the relationship so much more as I keep the focus on me and taking care of my inventory and letting them be free to take care of theirs
For sure, it is less stressful doing the live and let live slogan


Rose, a work in progress!!!


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