Al-Anon Group Home Page
Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room
Site Technical Problems or Questions?
Step Work Board - A Step every month!
Online Meeting Schedules

Al-Anon Family Group
Message Board

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"Real" Al-Anon Meeting Directory

A new step every month in the order they were written!

Al-Anon's 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change November 28 2018

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 839
Courage to Change November 28 2018

Hello MIP! 

Today's C2C reading is about the 4th step. The author shares that when they started the 4th step, they found that many things they had previously thought of as virtues were actually character defects: taking care of others, worrying about others, sacrificing their own happiness and prosperity. These "virtues" were the cause of the author's misery! traits that the author had ignored, like talent, optimism, and self-discipline, turned out to be the real strengths. 

Today's Reminder: My life is in a constant state of change. Awareness allows my to keep pace with that change. Today let me listen to my words and watch my actions. Only by knowing the person I am can I create the person I want to become.  

Today's Quote: "Each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered: it is something molded." Antoine de Saint-Exupery


When I first worked the 4th step, I thought I had a lot of character defects that I needed to get rid of. Now, when I work the 4th step, I realize that for me, my character defects are strengths that I've ignored or overly relied on. Like the author, I was out of balance because I was not using my strengths appropriately. Now, I am aware of my "go to" strengths, and I try to avoid using them without careful thought and consideration of my intentions. I am also aware of the strengths I have ignored and need to cultivate, and I focus more energy on using them so I become more confident in those strengths. This approach has helped me to stay more balanced, and use my strengths appropriately when I need them. 

I'm finally stating to feel better. This respiratory flu was terrible! BUt, I tend to get sick once a winter, and I'm hoping that this was it for the year! I hope you make today a great day! 



If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 9916

Good morning Skorpi - thank you for your service, the daily and your ESH. I too found in the step work that many of my defects were actually assets that had been exploited or deployed in unhealthy ways. There is no shame in caring deeply for another, for example, however when I try to control them, change them or manage their outcomes - it's a problem.

I too am working towards more balance and that seems to be my sweet spot for optimal serenity. It's so strange how HALT also plays in my days - I was sick yesterday and of course, the disease brought some drama my way. I was less than patient in dealing with it, and possibly/probably owe an amends. Yet, at the time, I completely set aside any pauses or prayers as I just did not feel well and wanted to be left to rest and heal. My 'wants' (selfish) led me to be less than loving, and as I process, I can clearly see that when I don't feel well - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, etc. - I should be more guarded for my previous go-to 'answers' to life.

I am glad you are feeling better. We also had that respiratory flu and it was a doozy. I too usually get sick once per winter and am hopeful I got it out of the way earlier than I usually do. Make this day a great day! (((Hugs)))


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1489

Thank you Skorpi

When I do my step 4 , as an accountant, I do it like a ledger. Assets on one side. Liabilities on the other side. Ive reclassified many things, incorrectly listed.

I worked a step 4 on my emotions last night. Really learned a lot about my issues and new things I can practice to manage the ones I have difficulty with. AND. Surprise!! I felt compassion for me. Told my inner self I was going to do all I can to help me do better and feel better. Practice techniques of slowing down. Breathing and stepping back

Love step 4. The honesty step. The self discovery step


Rose, a work in progress!!!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1589

Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. It is good to hear you are on the mend!

In doing my 4 Step, I found that many of my "strengths" had been overgrown to become negative traits. I also realized that they weren't all bad. I wasn't all that bad. I had learned to cope the best way I knew how... now I have a new plan, a new way. I gave myself permission to not be so hard on myself - something I am prone to do!

Big storm coming my way... it is double-edged... CA needs rain so badly, but now with the burn areas, we really can't have too much! I am thankful I live in an unaffected area!




Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 69

Im still working on my 4th step and Im finding out that I carried over a lot of traits of the people who are my qualifiers. That in itself is a bad and good thing. I was watching shahs of sunset the other day and one of the characters was highly affronted when her friends told her she was acting exactly like her mother. I thought of myself because I do have the ability to take on traits of those who have done damage. Its scary and I have done it, in some way but now that Im aware of it...I know how to change it.


"My Higher Power does not put any challenges before me that I am unable to face. The comfort I find in that knowledge can overcome my fears" C2C - June 11

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 650


Aloha Skorpi and MIP family and thanks for the input on Step 4.   I have done 6 of these critters each one more search, fearless and moral than the one before it.  I had a great sponsor who walked me and talked me and kept me concentrated thru it teaching me different and various consequences from start to stop.  Actually I haven't stopped and I use the lessons daily.  The forth for me kept me focused on the mental, spiritual and emotional aspects of moving away from the disease and into the peace of mind and serenity sections of my life.  I don't do well when the emotional aspects of the disease and over powering me as my recovery spirit (intention) get way out of whack and I become detrimental in my program.  For example when I get impatient I quickly develop anger and rage and self centered egotism.   Its not nice to be there and brings back reminders of how I often was responsible of making the disease worse for those around me.  

Thanks for this post.  It will be easier working the inventory steps continuing.    ((((hugs)))) wink

Jerry F
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.