The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel so depressed and I don't know why. I can barely drag myself out of bed. I sleep about 20 hours a day and wish I were sleeping the other four. I can't concentrate on myself because I can't concentrate on anything. I keep telling myself all of the good that could come out of both of us working recovery programs. I keep telling myself that neither one of us can really do it. I feel like I just want him to leave so I can get on with my life. I want him to recover, but I don't want to watch him do it. You know something that irritates me? He can come home from his NA meetings and someone tells him something and he tells me that it really clicked with him. It's usually something I have told him a hundred damn times. I don't want to die any more, I don't have the energy. I don't think I'm clinically depressed, just tired.
My birthday is tomorrow and my ex's girlfriend called me a few minutes ago. My daughter thought my birthday was today and wanted to talk to me. I told the girlfriend my birthday is tomorrow. They are supposed to call back tomorrow so I can talk to my daughter, but I don't want to talk to her. I don't even want her to call me.
I can't figure out how to work through this. I'm not angry or hurt anymore (at least, not today). I'm just tired. My unemployment won't start until the middle of May. He hasn't found a job and hasn't even looked today.
Powerless - You got get up out of bed and dust your self off and be there for yourself and your kids. Birthday or no birthday. You made progress, don't give up now. They always listen to someone else. It's just like kids, they will listen to a coach or favorite teacher before a parent. Don't take that personally. We all tend to need to see, hear and read things so many times before it truly sinks in too, especially when it comes to changing ourselves.
Hang on!!! You can Do It!!
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
You already know why I call you Power instead of Powerless, don't you?
You have such power to take care of you and the kids in a healthy way.
Let him take care of his, as they say. I know how tiring it is to attempt to take on anxiety for the other one, and personally I found it useless. I was depressed, tired, wrung out, going in circles, and found a therapist who is helping me Let Go and take care of me.
You can do the same in alanon, but I found I needed immediate care .
If you don't want to talk to your Daughter on the phone... you probably need to run over there and grab her and go do something together! Enjoy your birthday doing something you love!
Check your PM's
Take care of you... You are worth it!
- r
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I agree with everyone else, you have the power to get up out of bed, get dressed, and go do something for you. Even if you feel crappy, breathe some fresh air in, let the light hit your face and drink in that gift of your life. My a doesn't respond to my opinions either when it comes to his drinking. I honestly think he knows I'm right but he doesn't want to admit that to me because he would feel inadequate. So I've stopped saying anything to him about his drinking. What do you mean you don't think you both can do this!!! Of course you can, don't be fooled by that kind of thinking. HP wants to heal you both and prosper you both in ways you can't even imagine. Believe in that healing, I know some days are harder than others. Do something for your birthday in the face of hopelessness and despair, almost an up yours to it, maybe that will make you feel just a little empowered. Big hugs to you. Happy Birthday!!!
In recovery,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
(((Powerless))) - you are under tremendous stress right now and when people are - they either sleep too much or not enough. I think you want to sleep through it all, until SOMETHING changes, and I wouldn't blame you for feeling that way. Don't worry though, something WILL change. You'll get your unemployment, he may get a job in the meantime. He'll slowly work the program, but there will be changes. You just have to hang in there for a bit and be good to yourself. It's like you are riding out a storm right now and you just have to hang on, but the storm will pass.
Be good to yourself on your birthday. It is YOUR day. Enjoy it!
Get off your duff girl! Hop in the shower! Wash your hair. Get dressed. And get going. Tired or not, you won't find energy until you put forth some effort. Your muscles are forgetting how to work. Eat something and not junk food either. Get some food in your body so it can make the energy you need. Get some fresh air - take deep breaths outside & get your lungs going again. You can do this! You deserve this!
Time for you to concentrate on yourself. It is so easy to slip down into that rut...laying around, doing nothing, feeling "Powerless" but you are NOT POWERLESS! We ALL have the power to improve ourselves. Remember that. You just have to get in the right frame of mind.
You Go Girl!! I Know You Can Do It! We are here for you, praying for you and sending you special board room hugs (((Powerless))).
I relate. I used to call it cocooning. I would wrap myself up tight to keep the pain out. I loved my hammock.
Ya know what changed? I surrendered to hp sweetie. I know for me, it was a biggy. I was the worst worrier, scared alll the time. Yuck. what an awful way to live.
Now i just keep going. If something bad happens, I think well I still have to feed, mop the floor,Kiss the pigs, scratch the dogs and email my adopted mom.
NO more cocooning or burrowing in ever now.
I am concerned though. If you don't want to talk to your girl, something is very wrong. There is nothing wrong with being clinically depressed. It is an illness like anything else. Anti depressants just help you to get the chemicals that you need.
They might help you to feel better. If not, you can go off them gradually with docs help.
I am so glad I went ahead and got on them. I feel like me again.
anyhoo honey update us and tell us how you are. love,debilyn who wishes everyone would pack a backpack and bring a tent and come to eden this summer
I am not that suprized your are tired after the few months you have had! It seemed to me that you were going 10,000 miles a minute for a long long time. I would suggest going to a counselor. I can understand your frustration with the A. I can have a lot of frustration and anger at the A and exasperation. I can also have too much time.
I work really hard on not knowing what the A is doing some of the time. I have also definitely been there with wanting him to just disappear or just to air lift out of the life with him. Unfortunately it does not really happen like that.
I can definitey empathise with being exhausted. I was there. This room and this board helped me immensely at those times. Keep posting.
When I have gotten to the place you are in right now, the best remedy is get up and get to a meeting! Even though I didnt want to get up , get dressed etc, I made myself go, and always, I left the meeting feeling so much better! Even today when I have worked all day, and my pajama's beckon me, and I am tired, or out of sorts I make myself go that one day a week, and after the one hour I spend in that Alanon meeting, I am always so glad I went. Remember the Alanon saying " When I got busy , I got better!".......................................gardengal
Happy Birthday!!!
