(((Jerry))) You are absolutely not alone concerning this. So much of my own troubles come from reacting rather than responding to people, places and things. I heard from an oldtimer in the other program once that alcoholics are "sensitive" people. The first things that came to mind were philosophers, nature lovers, poets. But of course he meant nothing of the sort. Although all of those things could be so as well. Perhaps those of us in Alanon too can be regarded as "sensitive" people. For alcoholics and family members there is a sensitivity to alcohol. Both are affected spiritually, physically and mentally whether drinking or not.

I agree, like you, my spiritual condition is what best guides my thoughts and actions. When I begin to think I've got this and forget to check in with hp, I get in trouble. It begins with stinking thinking and progresses to outward action. 

I think sometimes what I need if I will just allow it is to go on a mini retreat of sorts with my higher power, surrender my whole day to hp, turn off the technology, read readings, go for a walk, invite my higher power, express to my hp that I need the help only they can provide to be a better person and ask to be guided, also to express gratitude and particulary for all the beauty that is present on that walk. In my saddest, most remourseful moments; I know the god of my understanding is waiting for that invitation and has not abandoned me. I am safe to put all of myself in hp's hands for care.

I hope you will keep sharing your way through this with us and your own higher power. We are always going to be working in progress but hp likes us that way because as you mentioned it draws us to our hp for love and help. ((hugs)) TT

I can remember how angry I was when Al-Anon was suggested.....in my (ego) way of thinking, I was working daily to not drink and to be selfless, of service, etc. --- why on EARTH did I need to do more work on ME???

Fast forward to the present and I truly feel blessed to be a member of both sides of this coin. I learned in AA how very damaging alcohol is, as well as how extremely cunning, baffling, powerful, progressive and patient it is. I also sat with a gal pal who relapsed recently and could physically feel her grief, pain, shame, etc. I believe, for me, it is my Al-Anon program that helps me be patient, compassionate and responsive in a gentle manner for those in need.

With only my AA training, I would have leaned on what I heard - if you don't drink, you won't get drunk. Next time, call someone first. These are all logical responses I've heard for years and years and cross-talk and advice flows much more freely in AA. It is in Al-Anon that I've learned to just listen, ask if I can be of service and offer a prayer or a hug for a better today.

I lost another AA program friend a week ago to suicide. This person was sober when he passed, but his internal pain was so great that his solution for his pain was to jump off a bridge. We are shaken as a group and a family and are grieving greatly as this (again) not someone who showed outwardly this level of pain.

My son is temporarily here while he waits to get back into an Oxford House. It is every tool in Al-Anon that allows me to not take his rants personally and to just bite my tongue. It's what you have taught me that allows me to gently ask what I can do to help. It's what was shown to me in Al-Anon that allows me to walk up, give a hug when he's calling me names and lashing out. My HP is reminding me how painful and insane early recovery is in a variety of ways of late.

And yes - it is only possible for me to enjoy each day in lieu of 'life' and 'others' by aligning myself as best I can with a power greater than I. I'm grateful to both programs for a deep faith in a power I can't see that I know carries me when I am stumbling or falling down.

(((Hugs))) Jerry - speaking only for myself, I guess I need constant reminders of being an imperfect person working to be a better version of me.

Jerry, your share today reminded me of the very first alcoholic I cam into contact with. He was my 6th grade teacher and would act so strangely at times. He could be mean and embarrass students. In the spring he just disappeared without explanation for the last few months of school.

The next alcoholic I had contact with was when I was about 21 in a fancy office setting in Boston. This woman had a brown paper bag in her purse and at times her face would be completely flushed red. She also disappeared one day without explanation .

My FOO gave me an ACOA background, but it was an adult child of anger. That set me up to find drug addicted and alcoholic partners/spouse's for my entire life. It's still a mystery which I kind of get, but then why don't folks want help with their addictions? I certainly want help with my damage , Lyne

Jerry, thank you so very much for sharing.

While I am not a "double winner" -- as I've heard so many people refer to it as -- and I am not in AA, I've immersed myself in alanon and recovery for a quarter of a century. In addition, I've also done a great deal of work in the adult education arena, advanced work, education, learning, and the "self help" term, which I am not always a fan of. That said, in my experience, if I had to identify only one thing that most people in alanon either gloss over or miss completely -- and it is not necessarily intentional, conscious, or whatever you want to call it -- is being completely open and honest.

That said, I've always felt that in alanon, it's alanon. In the opening of many meetings I've attended around the country, they say to please focus on the alanon approach, as it is a different approach, with and from a different perspective. They often ask members of other 12-step programs/fellowships, to remain anonymous and limit their sharing to alanon. Be that as it may -- your sharing, and your perspective sounds as if it is so extremely healthy for you and contributes so much to your recovery. You are one of the very few who I feel that about, and I get that when I read your shares and your perspective.

While we in alanon understand how alcoholism is a truly cunning, baffling, insidious, etc., disease -- we do not "analyze" and try to rationalize and justify the alcoholic's behavior, actions, etc. I chuckle -- but so believe -- the old cliche, you can always tell when an alcoholic is lying...their mouth is moving. LOL. An alcoholic, who is active, is lying when they are talking. I get it. LOL.

More to the point, thank you for your share. We have compassion. It is important. We pray for the alcoholic. It is important. However, what is more important is for US to not have and harbor that anger and resentment that comes so often with this disease, and the collateral and direct damage that this disease causes.

Thank you so much Jerry.

Dear, Dear Jerry,

You are the gift that keeps on giving. And I don't know what we would do without you

You're like the North Star.

You will lick this. You have all the gifts.

Thank you for being in our lives. And for showing the way. And for sharing the love and wisdom of your sponsor.

Hugs,
Temple

 

 

Bo I understand what you said and while much of the input on the MIP Al-Anon board is Al-Anon speak it is not Al-Anon as our founder John wanted to make sure of.  One of the helpful acknowledgements I was given years ago by the VA counselor was that Al-Anon and AA are "Social Model Recovery" forms and truly I came to understand that. Drunks helping Drunks and Family members helping Family members is how I arrived and then stayed in this process I consider recover.  How many have been touched and helped by the many who have touched and helped me?...I no longer count and still say "Thank you God".  I have often been asked by professionals in the fields of mental, emotional and behavioral therapy where I learned what I have shared in the counseling sessions and it is easiest to reply "via social model participation".  "I learned it thru others who learned it thru others".  MIP has many others who teach me just as your self, from many sources.  My current sponsor is younger in age than I yet very knowledgeable about my culture and our disease with recovery from it.  His human nature experience is strong and very helpful.  I have long former experience with Alateen as a sponsor and learned so very  much from them. 

The most favorite slogan I have from Al-Anon was given to me at my home group and which I came to understand when I resigned myself from resistance to the program and then started to grow.  "If you keep and open mind...you will find help".  I listen to it all; the spoken and non-spoken.  I have a cultural gift in that the Hawaiian experiences were and are often passed on metaphorically...the speaking as if in pictures.  I see what is being said.  I get it.  

Try sitting in on some open AA and NA meetings and "see" what you hear there.   Keep coming back.   ((((Hugs))))