The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was curious about my Xsdad passing away which happened years ago. It just so happens he's someone who is well known in the college world of sports. As I was reading through the obits and news stories, I ran across a story which seems to be a consistent story in my personal life. Men are perpetrators in some way .. find God and at the end of their lives find peace. Some how that doesn't seem fair. LOL. I mean really .. I am not a victim however I was victimized and I had to deal with an apology I deserved and never got.
Any ESH to reconcile this specific issue and if it had only happened 1x I would say ok .. it's a one off kind of deal .. however this the 3rd one .. LOL. Go figure. I had a big laugh when I realized this parallel going on in my life however it's kind of shocking too. This is a life lesson of some kind I just can't seem to figure out how to move past so I can get past it. How to live in a world where because of these circumstances I became hard and now am trying to smooth my sharpness out and yet they get to pretend none of what happened .. happened .. LOL?
I realize I am speculating however based upon the wording he was using in the article the logical conclusion is he was Catholic however is using pastor and not priest and it was a pastor who spoke at his funeral. He also spoke of Jesus (my xsdad), maybe this is finally a way for me to find closure I'm not sure what I want though so I know I'm going to sleep on it for a bit before taking action .. however I am wanting to get past the past so to speak. It might help me with my adopted dad and my XAH. I'm not sure. I guess more will be revealed.
Thanks for letting me share, s :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Aloha Serenity and thanks for the re-memories as I relate to both being treated that way and treating others that way also. The thoughts, feelings and actions of forgiveness were deeply taught to me from my elder sponsor and early family group as for one I would not find peace of mind and serenity until I gathered the experiences of forgiving others and myself. I learned that I thought I was supposed to hang on to some resentments in order to claim my humanness and seat in the rooms of Al-Anon and keep my memory sharp as to what happened, what I found out and what it is like now. "Forgive anyway" is a keen memory and practice as I learn(ed) to re-love again regardless. "Love anyway" came from my sponsor who wasn't Mother Teresa who gave the same lesson.
Years of practice and being brought to the influence of my Higher Power sealed it for me. HP was looking over my shoulder as I was watching a demonstration of the lack of fear which was capturing my mind and not so much my hearing as I hear my HP ask me the question about what a elderly woman was not experiencing as she was grabbed and help by a Tiger and couldn't move. The Tiger held her to the cage bars and rubbed its cheeks against her face. "What are you watching?" my HP asked me. I could only reply "the lack of fear" to which my HP replied..."Right...Love", and moved out of my room. Today "Love is the opposite of fear" is a very strong recovery principle for Jerry F and God can it ever work.
Serenity - I'm with Jerry on this.....I was taught early on and often that letting go of resentments and forgiving others was not a hall pass for them - it was just a step of recovery entirely for me so that I am not blocked off from the sunlight of the spirit - GROWTH.
The how was a challenge! What I have been taught to do is to pray for at least 2 weeks daily for the person I am struggling with. Praying for them, praying for freedom of them, praying for forgiveness. Surprisingly enough, it has worked for many. I have also talked extensively with a priest (Catholic) as well as a minister (Methodist) about forgiveness, letting go, etc. Both gave me more insight into accepting humans in their human form and forgiving them as Jesus would.
My Sunday buddy, Joel Osteen has several sermons on forgiveness which are light and easy. What I have been told and found to be true is until I can face the past and forgive myself and others, I will stop growing. No matter the deed, the damage, etc. I have to find a way to forgive. HTH - take what you like and leave the rest!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
{{{Serenity}}} What I learned prior to program was that to hold onto anger/resentment towards someone, binds me to the abuse or damage that was done to me. In essence, it gave that person power over me, the power to keep me stuck in pain caused by them, over and over and over again. I found it became easier to turn it over and let go and let God, once involved with program. I will never forget what happened, but I can forgive because it gives me freedom and a healthier life. Lyne
I came to accept the basic fact that holding on to anger and resentments only hurt me so that was when I worked the steps with dedication in order to let go of the pain and set myself free.
I discovered that I too held on to the painful memories in order to protect myself form such an event happening again however program taught me that i could learn the lessons of a situation and not hold on to the anger It works
