The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AD seems to be in constant pattern of short relapses, spurts of recovery work, then slips again. I know that recovery, hers and mine does not always follow a straight path. I to fall off my path.
It is just so overwhelming, heartbreaking, and sad to watch your child destroy themselves and to be powerless to stop it. I try to embrace the good times we do have, but it is always lurking in the shadows waiting to rear its ugly head. It has taken such a toll on our family.
I practice my self care, go to meetings, do step work and strive to become the best version of me. It all helps but there is a little piece of my heart that simply feels broken because my child suffers so greatly with this disease.
(((Hugs))) Serentity! My wife is in the same cycle and i identify so closely with the pain that comes from watching and being powerless. Glad you are leaning into your program for strength.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I can relate for different reasons .. it's hard to stay out of the way of kids and their own growth at their own pace. I wish you both peace.
I have really had to step back and breath during the moments that are peaceful and just stay in those moments because I do know there will be a new what I term "crisis" to the circus.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Serenity47))) - I hear you and can so relate. One very helpful easy tool given to me is to try and focus on what's working/better vs. what's not. My youngest is again restarting his sobriety. I truly am exhausted by the disease and all it brings yet have always had a boundary that allows me to be of service when they are seeking sobriety/support. It's so, so, difficult to watch yet who am I to assume what is happening is just not a part of his journey?
I am happy when we get through an hour without a verbal explosion. I am happy if I get from night to morning (sleep) without interruption. I am grateful that he's not at the dealers' homes scoring. I am grateful he's still alive and breathing. I've really had to get super simple with my gratitude lists and make sure I am keeping me/my program as my top priority. I pray each day for the strength to thrive, just for today.
Please know you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can so relate to all you say. My son also suffers and everyone around him is effected and its very hard to watch. Sometimes I just don't watch, I can go days without contacting him and that has been good for me. I believe it may also be good for him too, I'm kind of telling him 'you don't need to be checked up on by your Mum, you got this.'
Deep down though, its mainly for me, I find him hard to be around at times. Now I know this disease and the pain involved I can spot it easily in my son. It is heartbreaking to watch and I too have this constant nagging thought that just doesn't go away. Even in my happiest moments the thought of my son can instantly bring a tinge of sadness.
I listen to AA speakers a lot on you tube and its been a Godsend for me. I get to listen to these amazing people who were in the depths of despair and yet they got free of it, the funny thing is they mostly got free when everyone finally let go and they got to fully live with their own consequences.
They also have a lot of humour and astonishingly they always landed on their feet even during the most scary situations they got themselves in. I do realise that freedom for some comes in death but I have had to accept that death too is freedom, for the drinker and their family. Their shares give me hope.
It is my own belief that what you are experiencing is the greatest of tragedies. Yes, I have seen that people here and in my F2F learn to live their lives with some serenity (sometimes great serenity!), but I always see that "shadow" behind their eyes when they speak of their loved one trapped in this disease and it is a child.
My child is now a new adult. Trying life out. He doesn't always make the best decisions, and I actually hate that I cannot guide him anymore... but I understand that it is not my place now. Detaching as a mother is extremely hard, even in the best of times. My prayers and support go out to you!!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
