The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is what I've been praying about these days. I answered a few posts here tonight but not much to offer to others right now. It's hard to sit with things over which you have little to no control. I have worked through many of the feelings concerning the ending of my job. I received unemployment, have applied to quite a few jobs and am weeding out drama from healthy opportunities. I thought I had asked a lot of questions in the past. Now I am asking even more and being direct about what I am willing and not willing to do. I have no regrets about being straightforward. I've already avoided a few potentially bad work environments.
Suddenly, my unemployment is being looked at and there is a possibility it will be taken away from me. I've told my story honestly and now they are awaiting a response from my former employer. Incredibly, the day I submitted my testimony; a former coworker emailed and told me my department coworker walked out on my old boss. She lasted even less time than me and waged many of the same complaints. My coworker heard the conversation but doesn't know if it was taken to HR.
So until I hear differently I continue do what I can. I continue to register for free sessions that will help me to get employed again and have been attending. I am trying to work on my irritability because it isn't enough that my old boss put me through hell and continues to have a job and I'm unemployed but the situation is now following me. I should know the outcome this week. I will be ok either way.
I do have to be careful concerning the old faulty messages that can enter my thinking. I want unemployment to validate me because I got a raw deal through no fault of my own. That's fine. I know I could use the money since I don't have a job. What I need to be mindful of is this.. my value is not wrapped up in that decision. I know the truth and I know I don't deserve to have my benefits taken away from me. I can provide more information, advocate for myself but ultimately if the decision is unfavorable I'm not invalidated because of it. My worth is not measured by wins or losses. My hp doesn't love me according to how well I'm doing nor do I love myself today according to how well I am doing. Life doesn't always feel fair but my loving higher power is fair and I continue to be cared for.
Thanks for letting me share with you. It's good to turn it over it to the god of my understanding. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
((((TT)))) Understand that unemployment is often like insurance... both would jump at a reason to not pay, even if that is the purpose and their job.
So even if your reason is trying to right a short end of the stick, the unemployment is a ways to the means but does not define who you are.
The decision is made by someone who works 9-5 and may or may not take time or care enough about your particular outcome. The old work place legally has legal boundaries to work. This is in HPs hands.
I hope and pray that the unemployment comes through for many reasons; should it not, does not change a thing about someone else's bad behavior...
(((TT))) - I too am sending you tons of positive energy, thoughts and prayers. I still struggle at times with the 'unknown' or 'limbo' state of life - just so you know you're not alone. Your program and support system is awesome, so no matter what the outcome - you got this!!! Huge (((hugs)))...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks ((Iamhere)) and ((SerenityRus)) for the love and support. My Alanon meeting today focused on Alanon's tradition ten. When our speaker included that we should also expect work environments to be "safe" I felt my hp affirming my choice to exit what had been a very negative, energy sapping situation.
No longer having to combat the constant pushing against the put downs of someone whose sickness causes them to relentlessly try to break the spirit of others, I can keep moving forward with positive energy and attract new positive situations and people. Sharings of recovering people here and at my f2f meetings serve as a springboard for what I want to continue to attact. I know I am always going to encounter those for whom I am not a fit or vise versa. Thankfully, with this program I have the tools to confront these situations and take the actions necessary to care for myself and my sanity. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Monday 15th of October 2018 12:16:26 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
(((TT))) - awesome outcome - super great news! We must have been posting at similar/same times - I had missed your news. This gives you the time to stick to your plan of finding a job where you can be you - happy Monday girl!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((((((((Tired)))))). I am glad you are getting your benefits. That money is paid into unemployment fund on our behalf either through deductions from our checks or the employer just pays it but either way, you earned it over and above in my opinion because of all the crap you put up with and you were forced to leave. I have been in your situation where I had to go to a hearing and fight for what was right and I can honestly say I am glad I stood up for me not just because I won my benefits but because I stood up for what was right.
I am very proud of you and the way you have handled yourself through this difficult situation. I had a talk with my Friday client and he is going to fight to save the company, but I am preparing in my heart the possibility, the big possibility, but we could still end up closing and I will not get on employment because I was working under contract. So in the background, I am doing things to cover myself, its hard To be positive, so sometimes I have to break my day down in chunks because to even think of the whole 24 hours can be overwhelming. Its tough when I am the only breadwinner and there are no help in sight but I just keep on keeping on.
In this context, I don't think most people in fact know the difference.
The human mind is a machine of rationalization. In certain respects it is a major difference between humans and animals. That said, often the human mind "looks" for "sense" -- meaning, this is just like that, or, this is going to happen just like that, etc. It makes "sense" to our mind, our brain. Sometimes the mind/brain dictates us as people. It is when we as people can dictate our minds/brains. That is extremely powerful.
Very few, very, very few people who enter the rooms can do that...primarily because of "where" they've been, "what" they've been through, and so on. We were damaged, beaten down, brutalized, our spirit was broken, perhaps had died. When you get better -- perhaps you can do that once again, presuming that you were able to do that at one time, LOL.
That said, control your thoughts. Not the other way around. If you do that, it will be a complete paradigm shift, and a completely different thought process, mindset, methodology, and "conversation" you'll be having with yourself.
All the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Awesome news about your benefits! I can already tell by your latest post that you are open and willing to move onward. Kudos!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
That is such a lovely outcome TT. I echo Freetime..."don't give up before the miracle happens ". Look how everything ended up flowing to a full conclusion. Thank you for sharing your leap of faith, it is a powerful reminder. ((((TT))))
