Rose, so sorry to hear what happened, but glad you took care of yourself and are feeling better. I know back pain is no fun. What a great example of staying in good shape, both physically and mentally!

 

 

Rose...thanks for the post.  It give me things to think about regarding my own condition.   The consequences of the pas is a subject I dealt with some times ago yet now lately and I should peel back that layer and take a peak again.  Not afraid to.   ((((hugs)))) 

thank you ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Family)))))))))))))))))))))) for your loving support....I guess this post should have been juxtaposed with my "need a hug" because I had this spasm due to the other post....

I am stretching, exercising, walking.....trying to breath and stay in the now, doing anything I can do to focus on something good and to detach from all the bad----------veeeeery difficult fighting off the panic.....office mgr (wife of boss) and I were sorta comforting each other..Both of us trying not to cry....I told her I would expedite her unemployment claim if it comes to that and we do go down....meantime?? I gotta do whatever it takes to keep this fear from making me sicker....back is improving...sore today, but I am gonna breathe and FEEL it, let it express itself, and then maybe a looooong hot shower..................

Thank you so much for sharing this! I have recently been dealing with some hip pain that came from some extreme tightness in my hamstrings and quadriceps. Stretching and a month's worth of PT have begun to help. But after wracking my brain for some time as to a specific cause, it wasn't until I read your post that the light finally came on. Earlier this year while in therapy (not the physical kind, LOL), I had finally come face to face with a major original childhood trauma that I had kept buried for decades. (My mother had neglected me as a toddler and was pretty inconsistent about attending to my emotional needs.) While I had come to accept that reality and went through a period of sadness and depression resulting from it, this physical manifestation suggests that I still have some emotional ground to cover.

Again, (((thank you))) for shining a light on my path.

Thank you everybody for your wonderful support. It has been a terrible 2017 and 2018 for me and I keep saying hang in there to myself and that this too shall pass and then something else will happen so I have really have had to do a lot of just walking away and letting the chips fall where they may because I notice if I resist and fight and protect, it just gets worse, the Karma just keeps getting worse So I have to keep practicing walking away and just letting it go.

My regular doctor told me that the next time I call and get turned away, to ask for my nurse personally and she will do everything to fit me in because I am an important patient and a regular of hers and she was a bit sad that she did not get to treat me but very relieved that I did find help in another way through another good doctor. I was pretty proud of myself because when I got turned away by my regular doctors office, I just went down to Plan B and I was not going to stop until I got help. This kind of taught me not to put my eggs all in one basket. Now I have a back up doctor and she is good

As far as the job goes, it is a one day at a time proposition, but my boss is going to fight to keep our doors open. Many changes will have to occur for this to happen. But we are all willing to pitch in and give our best,

I actually had a recovery partner when I p.m. to her in private, we would share and I would listen to her venting and I never cross talk or shame her but when it was my turn to tell her I was doing all I could do to fight off all this fear, losing this job will literally put me in a position where I will not be able to support myself. She went at me and accused me of going off my medication cold turkey, I dont know where she got that crazy notion, and then she told me to get it together. I reminded her as she sits in her comfortable retirement, yes she has health issues, but she has the financial wherewithal to retire and meet her needs and to support herself no matter what. I told her what she did to me regarding cross talking and attacking me was not acceptable and that I was going to distance myself from her. I informed her that her behavior was not acceptable to me and that I was not going to allow myself to be shamed and to be attacked for being afraid.

I unfriended her on my Facebook and I sent her a private message telling her that I wanted only supporters and cheerleader people in my close circle as I am going through something very scary and very difficult and therefore I need supporters. I also told her that in the meetings in the chat rooms and on the recovery boards, we never shame someone or attack someone who is hurting and who may be not responding the way we so called think they should act when we are not in their shoes and not feeling their pain, lots of shares and messages I see and I may not understand the other or I may not agree with the other, but I remind myself I am not in their shoes and therefore not qualified to judge. And I also told her it is never acceptable to shame and attack another and that I would never allow that in my life again.. I wished her well and made it very clear that I had no desire for any further contact

It is too bad that this happened because we go back 10 years and have shared recovery but this is not the first time we have had an issue where she would just go at me and cross talk me and not just ESH me but push her way of thinking on to me, talk about cross talk, and I would forgive and let her back into my life only for her to slam me again. This was the third offense and, in my books, the last offense. Apparently she didnt learn her lesson the last time I cut her off for a while, defending my boundaries, so now we both will go our separate ways and I will share with the ones who are safe

My lesson in this? If one makes an error against me, and makes amends, and works to change and not to repeat the behavior, yes give them a second chance, but if they keep reoffending, it is my fault for allowing it to continue. I went from victim to volunteer giving her a third chance only to reoffend. A wise old saying I learned in A very good chat meeting was, what I permit, I promote. I Allowed myself to go from victim to volunteer and that is not something I want to do so lesson learned