Pol - I have taken breaks in recovery over the years. My experience is that gradually I return to self-seeking, selfish, self-reliant, egocentric, controlling behaviors almost without knowing until I am very irritable, restless and discontent. I just do better as an imperfect person with a daily dose of some effort of recovery. I have switched my meetings up many times over the years, changed out daily readers, changed sponsors, sought out more friends in recovery, etc. to keep things 'fresh'.

For me, the disease has affected me my whole life and I owe it to myself to gift myself with a better/different way each day. Meetings are not the be all/end all yet it's a simple way to give back and be of service. I don't always relate either to the topics in my 'today' but I can usually find a way to consider a step, slogan, reading/literature to share about.

Only you can decide what works best for your life/recovery. I just know that each 'break' I've taken has not been a refreshing experience like a vacation, rather the opposite. Keep coming back!

Imbsorry if I sounded harsh when it came to the program I just feel like some days I have it and other days I dont really have anything. Its a day to day process for me. I hope you all have a good weekend. Im going to try and stick with the program and pace myself. Maybe I am doing to much at a time and I need to keep it basic for right now

Hey Pol.... I did not hear anything but your truth. I totally understand where you are at, and it happens. Never apologize for sharing your truth... You got this!

((Pol)) you are not alone I have felt as you describe and found that working the Steps and attending meetings helped me to feel more comfortable in my own skin and with others. keep coming back

I don't think alanon is a program that one necessarily "graduates" from. I don't know that it's a program that one finally gets, and has down-pat. I don't know that alanon is simply a program. I think Step 12 speaks to this to some extent, and for me personally, alanon is a curriculum for living. It's become innate and how I live my life. But, that's just for me.

That said, I think alaon for each person can and will be different. You get out of it what you put into it. However, there is a program aspect to it. Even though the steps are the same except for one word -- the alanon approach and perspective is different than that of AA. That is why at many meetings, and in conference approved literature, World Services speaks to the alanon approach and perspective, the alanon interpretation of the 12 steps, the alanon orientation of dealing with the disease of alcoholism. Simply put, it is the alanon approach, mindset, and methodology of living with and/or having a loved one who is an alcoholic...NOT (us) being one. If alcoholism has affected you, has had an impact on you, then you are in the right place. If after coming to meetings, working the program, learning, etc. -- well, certainly it is understandable that you make a decision whether or not "alanon is for you" so to speak. You certainly don't have to have any new problems to bring to the table just to be in alanon or to benefit from alanon. You will benefit whether you have new problems or not, LOL. But that's up to you. I get what you are saying. I really do.

Go gentle unto yourself. I know, that sounds religious, LOL. OK, how about this...be gentle on yourself. Don't overthink or over-analyze this. This can ebb and flow. It's fluid. Relax, see how you feel. You can do whatever you like. I started a meeting here where I live -- there were already 40 plus meetit ngs in the county, but I decided to approach a few people and we then decided to start a new meeting. We did. In no time it had 20 plus people. Bigger than most meetings in the country except for three. However, the meeting was also an ebb and flow thing and over the course of a few years, me and few people stopped going. No big deal. And I just started up again. No right or wrong.

In my experience, the real work takes place OUTSIDE OF MEETINGS. However, two things. One, that's a topic for another time...and two, some people feel meetings are simply not that important. I disagree. I feel they are, and are of critical importance. I feel alanon meetings are one required ingredient -- along with readings, working the steps, and working with a sponsor -- in a recipe that gives the highest probability and likelihood of success; success perhaps having a different meaning for everyone. If after going to some meetings, for whatever reason you decide "it" -- whatever it is -- is not for you, that's fine. However, before that, before trying different meetings, before really understanding and learning what recovery really is -- before working the steps, working the program -- I think it is purely a fallacious position to say meetings aren't the answer, aren't worth it, don't help, etc. Just my opinion, but that's BS. LOL.

The entire alanon program is take what you like and leave the rest. It's also a program of attraction not promotion. It's also there for you, in whatever form and fashion you like. Take your time. Relax. You will find out and figure out what works for you, what's best for you. And, that will change over time. Take a break. Don't. Go regularly, go once in a while. Work the program. Don't. There is no right or wrong answer. I know for me, going to meetings keeps me in-balance. It keeps me grounded. It keeps my head where my feet are, present, today, now. It keeps me and allows me to stay and be healthy. And that's just for me.

All the best.