The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about compassion. The author shares that at first, they did not know what compassion was, but they could identify what it was not. Compassion was not seeking revenge, holding a grudge, calling names, throwing things, etc. So the author began to try to eliminate these behaviors. The author shares that compassion begins with the recognition that they are dealing with a sick person, and that they do not have to take it personally when the symptoms of the disease (such as verbal abuse) appear. Nor do they need to sit and take the abuse.
Today's Reminder: I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like as a friend.
Today's Quote: "He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart." S. R. Hole
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At first, I had trouble thinking about today's topic in C2C. Compassion isn't something I have typically struggled with having, and I don't remember engaging in name calling or throwing things in anger. Holding a grudge, though - that I can do especially well.
One thing I have been struggling with lately is recognizing that alcoholism is a disease that, once treated, can come back in force. I've also been unsure of how to deal with other mental illnesses combined with alcoholism. Compassion seems the answer I have been looking for. Compassion and a lot of self-care. Compassion doesn't mean that I agree with what is happening, and it doesn't mean that I need to put up with things that are unacceptable, and it doesn't mean that I set aside my well-being and my needs for the sake of someone else, but it does mean that I treat the other person with dignity and allow them to make their own choices and experience their own consequences.
We have been promised a brief pause from the rain today - something I am looking forward to! I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi Great topic!!! I know that i never attempted to be compassionate before program as I did not value my assets as i do today. Working the Steps, attending meetings, using the slogans allowed me to find my hidden assets and appreciate them.
Compassion was one of those as I found that it helped me to be supportive, understanding and non judgmental as I interact with the world. I am also compassionate toward myself when i engage in negative behavior and do embrace this powerful tool daily.
Have a lovely day and Thanks for your service
Thank you Skorpi and Betty. I guess my biggest struggles with compassion have been towards myself, and my A. Since program however, I have made great progress with both. When confronted with people doing things I really don't like, I take a step back and a deep breath. I am not in charge of them , and we all have our problems and shortcomings. You can't go wrong treating others with respect, and especially ourselves, Lyne
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and to Betty and Lyne for their shares.
I have always had too much compassion. I can take on the feelings/problems of others quite easy. Combine that with the "fixer/manager" gene and it was a serenity-stealing combo for me!
I must say though, after I was burned once before by Addiction, when my Ex's new demon came to light, I began to lose my compassion for him, and became more distrustful of others as well. Still working on the distrust, but due to working this program, I am able to have compassion again... but without the "I need to change you/fix you" mentality!
Cloudy, but hot day. Wishing the rain the meteorologists keep promising would just come already!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks for sharing all and thanks for your service, Skorpi. I am dabbling in compassion and learning what it is. I think for others my version of compassion used to be more like pity, and for myself self-pity... I have begun to experience glimpses of compassion in recovery and I think it is love also just a specific variety. The steps and my sponsor show me that I seem to be very hard on myself most of the time, and I am also very critical internally towards others. This is changing slowly to a more loving attitude. I am very grateful because I don't like the critical me. I'm enjoying life and being me more and more. Its a Wow :)
Thank you for your service Skorpi. I love todays reminder and quote and the shares. I used to think I had compassion for others, but now realize I am still in process of learning what it is and a skill set to apply it.
I love today's reading as compassion is something that has been a core, visceral, innate part of life from the time I was a child. My parents raised me and my sister with compassion being a major, core component of who we were.
It is hard to have compassion for someone when they are punching you in the face every single day -- or at least when we feel that way. Hence, alanon allows us to have acceptance, embrace being powerless, surrender, and then letting go. After recovery begins, one can have compassion...because we realize, the reality is -- the person is not punching us in the face.
The seeking revenge, holding a grudge, calling names, throwing things, etc., to me, was extreme. I was more commonly dealing with wanting to fix it, make it better, control and stop the drinking, and thus the byproduct of it, etc. I was not able to have compassion for my wife -- real compassion, not some BS excuse for compassion -- without acceptance. Complete, total, and absolute acceptance. Once I had that, everything else not only fell into place, but became easy! However, at the same time -- I did NOT have to accept unacceptable behavior...and when I didn't...that did not mean I wasn't being compassionate. The two are mutually exclusive. In my experience, when they weren't, I wasn't healthy!
If compassion is something that allows you to accept unacceptable behavior...then that's a disconnect. That is not what compassion is. I had to have compassion for myself. When I allowed my wife to realize and experience the consequences of her own actions...she said I did not have any compassion for her. Interesting. She said I abandoned her. I asked her what she expected and what she would like me to do. She was well-prepared, LOL, and ran through a detailed list. LOL. What does this mean...in the eyes of the alcoholic...if you don't do what they want you to do...then you are to blame! That is part of the disease, the sickness.
Little by slowly. One day, one step, at a time.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Great reading today. Compassion for me is the key to my own healing. Through program work I have learned that having compassion for my daughter means truly stepping back, loving her when she is unlovable, yet not allowing her state of mind or struggles to sink my boat. I would vacillate between sympathy and resentment with her, neither of which is healthy. I have to be vigilant about nourishing my own recovery first and foremost otherwise her issues can easily overwhelm me.
Compassion for myself has been harder to obtain, as I have always held myself to an impossible standard of doing the right thing. Slowly, I am beginning to accept and embrace my imperfections and it is very freeing.
